Tuesday, June 06, 2006

If You Love Christ At All, Do Not Give Birth Today!

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

I hope I am not too late in issuing this warning. If you’ve already started experiencing the pangs of childbirth then please just wait a moment to read this before you go rushing off to the hospital. I have something very important to tell you. Today is just not a good day to give birth to your child, unless of course it is your intention to give birth to Satan’s son.

You may already be aware that today is June 6, 2006. What you may not know is that this date can also be written “6/6/06”, which if we completely ignore the zero, could be written as “6/6/6”. Still not following me? Well, maybe if I remove the slashes from this date you’ll see the significance…. 666. That’s right! We can manipulate today’s date so that it becomes the number of the beast!

For those among you who are not learned Biblical scholars like myself, allow me to point you to the relevant passage in the book of Revelations that explains the importance of this unholy number:
Also it causes all, both small and great, both rich and poor, both free and slave, to be marked on the right hand or the forehead, so that no one can buy or sell who does not have the mark, that is, the name of the beast or the number of his name. This calls for wisdom: let anyone with the understanding calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a person. Its number is six hundred and sixty-six.
Now many may find the Book of Revelation to be a confusing jumble of psychedelic and incomprehensible ramblings. I understand it perfectly. I seem to be one of the only ones with enough wisdom and understanding to calculate the number (“6/6/06” - “0” - “/”’ - “/” = “666”). And there is no ambiguity here for me, by the “number of his name,” they mean the "date of his birth". So clearly today is the day that the unholy one shall be born.

Some women have wisely decided (with their husband’s consent I hope) to induce their birth early when they were told that their due date might be today. Maybe you’re a pregnant woman reading this and wished you’d have had the foresight to do the same. It looks like you’re in quite a mess, but I shouldn’t need to remind you that you’re the parent here. Your child may wish to be born now, but you have to remain firm. Do not let this strong willed fetus dictate when he will be born. Hold that child inside of you until the clock strikes twelve so that you can be sure your little bundle of joy will be born horn-free.

Let some liberal give birth to the antichrist, they’re used to raising kids who hate God anyway.

55 Comments:

At June 06, 2006 4:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When exactly did ignorance and willful stupidity become Christian virtues? Your God gave you a brain. Please use it.

 
At June 06, 2006 4:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In ancient societies a child wasn't recognized as born until a year and a day after it had been birthed.
So...You should probably be afraid of people born on 6/5/05 too.
In the event that someone does give birth to the Antichrist...I heartily recommend Comic Books, Video Games, and porn. That way you can deny all responsibility for him being a bad child.

 
At June 06, 2006 4:57 PM, Anonymous Aram Vartian said...

Let some liberal give birth to the antichrist, they’re used to raising kids who hate God anyway.

You are clearly a hateful woman who knows nothing about the teachings of Jesus. If anything, were the anti-Christ to be born, I would hope that a truly loving and considerate family might be able to walk him (or her, for that matter) back from the brink of destruction. Instead, you would have the child born into a "liberal" family simply to satisfy your own foolish bigotry.

I sincerely hope that no woman, even one as callous and bitter as you, no matter what their faith or belief, would be burdened with such an ungodly experience.

I will pray for you and for the others you have insulted with your vast ignorance.

 
At June 06, 2006 6:10 PM, Anonymous Imaginos said...

I am not surprised that you are in ignorance of the fact that the "anti-Christ", the one created and trained to destroy both Heaven and Hell and liberate mankind, has already been created. Granted, it took 666 attempts to create a biomech that didn't degenerate into an indiscriminate killing machine, but shit happens.

 
At June 06, 2006 6:32 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

anonymous #1: I can't help but notice that you refer to Jesus as my God. This says to me that you're a Jew, a Muslim or a devil worshipping atheist. Either way, that automatically nullifies any point you may have to make. Don't worry though; even if you were a Christian your comment would still be completely asinine.

 
At June 06, 2006 6:36 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

anonymous #2: Oh boy, here we go! It's another liberal intellectual come to enlighten us all. "Actually the word is derived from an ancient Greek word which means... blah blah blah"

Listen, I'd love to waste my time explaining to you how much of an idiot you are, but I'll just make it short and sweet so I'm sure you'll be able to understand... God hates you.

 
At June 06, 2006 6:41 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

aram vartian: I've been called a lot of things... racist, xenophobic, intolerant, but your post contains probably the most heinous insult that has ever been thrown at me. I, sir, am not a woman.

Perhaps you should consult the incredibly masculine picture located on the right of the site. It's the one RIGHT NEXT TO MY NAME. Get a friend to help if you're still having trouble finding it. Idiot!

 
At June 06, 2006 6:43 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

imaginos: This is not the place for fiction. Save this crap for you Sci-Fi channel watching nerd friends. That has no place here, this is a place for serious and honest discussion.

 
At June 06, 2006 8:27 PM, Blogger Jenn of the Jungle said...

I'm so glad I'm not giving birth today. : )

"If anything, were the anti-Christ to be born, I would hope that a truly loving and considerate family might be able to walk him (or her, for that matter) back from the brink of destruction."

I think I just pee'd a little laughing so hard.

 
At June 06, 2006 10:22 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

jenn of the jungle: honestly, these liberals never cease to amaze and disgust me. Aram thinks the antichrist just needs love and cuddling and he'd grow up to be a well-adjusted adult.

What the antichrist would really need is the firm dicipline of a father who isn't afraid to break little Satan Jr.'s will. That is the only thing that could turn him into a model citizen and lifelong Republican.

 
At June 07, 2006 11:03 PM, Blogger Kim said...

I actually took your post like you were kidding. You were kidding, right? 666 is not the date that the AC will be born. The scriptures say that it is the number of his name. I think, but of counrse don't know for sure, that the AC has already been born and is probably an adult already. Just looking at the current events and Biblical prophecy, I think the end is so near that he is probably already about to take the stage. Marantha!!!

 
At June 07, 2006 11:51 PM, Blogger Rene Merced Jr said...

The earliest recorded number for the mark of the beast is 616, not 666. So, it's a complete waste of time to talk about 666.

 
At June 08, 2006 6:27 AM, Blogger Laurie said...

My gosh. I had forgotten how many hateful, intolerant "Christians" exist today. These truly are end times.

 
At June 08, 2006 12:23 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

kim: Well if only I have had thought to post the relevant passage in Revelations there wouldn't be such confusion. Oh wait, I did.

Unfortunately I can do little to help you with your obvious comprehension problems.

rene merced jr: That's ridiculous. Next thing you're going to tell me that the person signified by this number is Nero. Please leave the Biblical interpretation to the professionals, you'll only embarrass yourself.

 
At June 08, 2006 12:26 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

laurie: Well shucks, if telling it like it is and standing up for my Christian values makes me "hateful and intolerant" I guess that's what I am. No, actually doing so makes me righteous and blessed in the eyes of the Lord. It appears you're completely wrong.

 
At June 08, 2006 6:20 PM, Blogger Laurie said...

God said to love your neighbor, not condemn him. You're the exact kind of "Christian" that turns people off to Christianity, and that's a shame. God told us to call people to Him, not away from Him.

 
At June 09, 2006 7:26 AM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

laurie: I am suprised that your husband has not "called you away" to do the dishes yet. Things like that don't do themselves, you know. Women do them.

 
At June 09, 2006 10:49 AM, Blogger Laurie said...

Herman, I'm not taking your bait. Jesus loves you, even if others have a hard time doing so.

 
At June 09, 2006 4:15 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

laurie: I would not give you my "bait" if you asked, you Godless hussy. In the olden days I would be reporting you to your husband for a stoning.

 
At June 09, 2006 4:21 PM, Blogger Laurie said...

You know what? I wasn't going to indulge your hateful name-calling, but I changed my mind.

Given your ornery, vindictive nature, it appears there's a misses in your household who's also neglecting her wifely duties.

Ironic that you thought I should be "called away" when I was talking about God's love, isn't it? You must frequent the First Church of God-Hates-Everyone-but-Me.

 
At June 09, 2006 5:03 PM, Blogger Laurie said...

"In the olden days I would be reporting you to your husband for a stoning."

And you think Ann Coulter "is a vile, horrible, evil human being"? Look your awful self in the mirror, pops.

 
At June 09, 2006 5:39 PM, Blogger Laurie said...

"I would not give you my 'bait' if you asked."

The very fact that you put my comment in this disgusting context proves who is the "godless" one. Anyway, I probably couldn't find your "bait" with a road map and a pair of tweezers.

 
At June 09, 2006 5:48 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

laurie: I have no idea what the tweezers are for, but I do know I have never met a woman who can read a road map. Oh, and God does not hate everyone but me. He does hate you, however.

 
At June 09, 2006 8:45 PM, Blogger Laurie said...

God bless you, Herman.

 
At June 09, 2006 9:59 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

laurie: I'm getting a little sick of all this. First of all, the comments section should be used to proclaim what great Christians Herman and I are, not to talk about yourself.

Secondly, I'm growing weary of this whole argument. I declare Herman to be the winner, so there's no need to continue.

 
At June 09, 2006 10:54 PM, Blogger Laurie said...

God bless you, Michael.

 
At June 12, 2006 2:02 AM, Blogger The Drunken Samurai said...

"First of all, the comments section should be used to proclaim what great Christians Herman and I are..."

Hmmmm... thanks for clarifying. Could you be any more full of yourself?

In the movie "Devil's Advocate", the last line spoken is as follows: "Vanity. Definitely my favorite sin".

You guys are fucking nuts. Beyond nuts. I'm sure you self righteous morons won't post this comment, either.

 
At June 12, 2006 8:28 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

the drunken samurai: Well you're right about one thing, neither Herman nor I would think to "post your comment." You are in fact the idiot that posted your comment.

We don't believe in censoring any liberal that we can argue circles around. So luckily for you that means your moronic voice will be heard.

 
At June 12, 2006 8:35 PM, Blogger The Drunken Samurai said...

Me, liberal? You are even stupider than I originally thought. The reason I even bothered posting anything at all is because the only thing I despise more than an extreme liberal is assholes like you who make the rest of us conservatives look bad. Hell, you rank up there with extremist muslims that go around bombing shit.

Say, how much money did you steal from the collection plate this week, Mr. True Christian?

 
At June 12, 2006 10:54 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

drunken samurai: "Mr. True Christian"??? Our names are Mr. Steele and Mr. Hayes. I am afraid you are delusional. We are both true Christians, but it is not on our birth records as such. Remember to take your meds.

 
At June 12, 2006 10:58 PM, Blogger The Drunken Samurai said...

I need to to keep reading this garbage... LMFAO.

Your hatred is almost humorous. Why? I am picturing Satan giving you blasphemous fools the anal probe for all eternity. If God hates anyone, it's YOU two stupid fucks.

Anything else? Do you want to continue making even bigger asses of yourselves?

 
At June 12, 2006 11:16 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

drunken samurai: Nice response. Three paragraphs, two profanities. Two out of three proves you are an uneducated moron.

 
At June 12, 2006 11:22 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

the drunken samurai: I have bad news for you, friend, you are no conservative. The fact that you have any problem with the truths that Herman and I speak says to me that you are at best a weak-kneed moderate.

At least liberals have the courage to stand up for their twisted beliefs. But you half heartedly support the principles of conservatism. You make me more personally disgusted than picturing Michael Moore in a thong.

 
At June 12, 2006 11:48 PM, Blogger The Drunken Samurai said...

I have to wonder if even Jesus would forgive you. As for me? I just wanna kick your asses.

Laurie may say "God bless you". I, however, am not so forgiving. You sick, twisted, self righteous bastards do NOT speak for me. You do NOT speak for conservatives. You do NOT speak for America. Shut the fuck up!

Why do you insist on making things worse for us? I am starting to wonder if you are not a couple of liberals trying to shame conservatives, because that is indeed what you are doing.

Okay. Your turn. Make me laugh again.

 
At June 12, 2006 11:53 PM, Blogger The Drunken Samurai said...

Wait. One more thing. Mr. Steele said: "The fact that you have any problem with the truths that Herman and I speak says to me that you are at best a weak-kneed moderate."

Actually, my problem was originally with your vanity, and utter blasphemy. Sure, some things you say are true. But then you go off the edge. But I love the part where you tell other Christians that God hates them. Did he tell you that himself? Or are you going to misquote some bible verse?

Oh, please enlighten me.

 
At June 13, 2006 12:40 AM, Blogger The Drunken Samurai said...

Sorry, but I keep finding more questions.

You (The Steele Guy) say I half heartedly support the principles of conservatism. What is your basis for such a statement? Because I don't like you? Because I don't praise you? Can you even show me any evidence as to how you derived such a conclusion?

Without pulling out a prewritten response, what say you? How am I not conservative? Oh, man. This keeps getting better.

 
At June 13, 2006 12:49 PM, Blogger Gunz said...

You are not Christian...You fall in the same ideologies as Fred Phelps, The KKK, Skin Heads, and other Hate groups that is abolutely going to put you into the depths of hell to burn for eternity. I am a Christian...You are not. I will pray for you, but you are truly damning yourself and you need to find the grace of God and correct your way of thinking before it is too late. You are just wrong.

-Signed Samurais '6'

 
At June 16, 2006 1:44 AM, Anonymous Cassandra Whooten said...

ROTFLMAO is coming!
Fear it!

 
At June 21, 2006 12:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, are you huys for real? telling people god hates them and only loves the 2 of you?

 
At June 22, 2006 10:05 AM, Blogger Matt P. said...

Well, if it is as you say, then that the Antichrist was born on June sixth 2006, we have an easy solution. Merely setup a worldwide database of all persons born on this day. Probably only need to list all the males. And then follow their lives. Or maybe, even as King Herod, did back in his day, you, with all your authority, could just have all of them eliminated.

 
At June 23, 2006 9:42 AM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

anonymous: We are as "for real" as two "huys" can be.

matt p: There's no need to track all people born on this day. We should limit the scope to only those people born on 6/6/06 who are also liberals.

 
At June 23, 2006 1:59 PM, Blogger Matt P. said...

I didn't realize you could be born liberal. These are little babies. So, when they grow up are they stuck that way for life?

Of course that doesn't explain why some conservative parents wind up with liberal children and vice versa.

 
At June 24, 2006 8:06 AM, Blogger Matt P. said...

If there are babies, born on 6/6/06, who, as you assert, are liberal, then we could easily categorize people by just checking their DNA.
And then, as many on the political right claim that Liberalism is a mental disease, we could list that condition in their medical records.
Maybe even go further and post an internet bulletin board with all those names on it.
But, that would be precluding them having any ability to change their beliefs. Much like many Conservatives did when they flip flopped on their beliefs concerning deficits and the national debt. In 1994, when a Democrat was in the Whitehouse, they loudly supported the Contract with America's stance on balanced budgets. Now, with a Republican, supposedly Conservative, president they have done a one eighty. And have even gone further, to the point of even encouraging the government into actually borrowing money so that wealthy persons can have more money.
God I fear! You, NADA.

 
At June 24, 2006 9:31 AM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

matt p: You obviously have a lot to learn about your own diseased state of mind:

Understanding Liberal Idiocy: Part I
Understanding Liberal Idiocy: Part II
Understanding Liberal Idiocy: Part III

Come back when you've read these and have gotten a clue.

 
At June 24, 2006 10:41 AM, Blogger Matt P. said...

Mr Steele, thank you for posting the links to your 3 recent editorials. I have printed and am in the process of reading them. I will get back to you.
We are in agreement on some things. I do believe that there should be a law supporting the idea that a marriage should only be between a man and a woman. And I do believe homosexuals are as Romans chapter one describes them. I also am against abortion. But, I do believe our defintions of liberals, and who are liberals, will vary greatly.
You still haven't answered my question though. It only requires a yes or no. For the last ten years, I have made less than $100,000 per year. I have taken no welfare or assistance. I've paid my own way. And for the last 3 years, I even did free volunteer work for AARP at Senior centers helping people file their tax returns. Should I pay a penalty?

 
At June 24, 2006 11:07 AM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

matt p: Your willingness to learn from my teachings says that maybe it is no longer necessary to publicly chastise you. If you wish to continue this discussion, send me an email at: moralmailbox@yahoo.com.

In response to your question, yes of course you should have to pay a penalty. I think a marginal tax rate of around 35% is more than fair for someone like you. You should also be fined for having anything to do with the AARP as well, especially after they helped derail President Bush's plan for social security privatization.

 
At July 01, 2006 1:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are bad men with bad hearts. I hope God sees that you mean well before he sends you both to Hell.

Oh and you must be rich, white men. You would know better than to post this garbage if you were anything else.

 
At July 01, 2006 4:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe a man of ministry says God hates another man!

Ahhh, is it all worth getting all pissed off about?

Everyone has different opinions! Let them BE! Live and let live!

It's very obvious that some "people" think their better than others, and "think" they know more - but are foolish in their own ANGER!

GET A FUCKING CLUE PEOPLE!

 
At July 01, 2006 4:21 PM, Blogger BiG Fat Lizard KinG said...

Wow, I can't believe how someone can say God hates you?

ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL!

GET A CLUE!

and I do believe the anti-christ may be born on this date! But good luck finding him/or her!

 
At November 28, 2006 11:50 PM, Blogger Brotha B said...

um right, getting back on to the subject, in 1 john 2:18 it states that there are many antichrist (plural) when you read later on at the end of the new testament... erm, Revelation, right, anyhow in rev it speaks of satan coming back, not necessarly (sp) an antichrist, heres a few verses that I noted in revelation:

And when they shall have finished their testimony, the beast that ascendeth out of the bottomless pit shall make war against them, and shall overcome them, and kill them.
Revelation 11:7
...Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time.
Revelation 12
And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.
Revelation 13
The beast that thou sawest was, and is not; and shall ascend out of the bottomless pit, and go into perdition
Revelation 17

yes i believe all men are created equal and also we should turn the other cheek, but dang, if any of you have noticed we're all human and being a christian does not make you perfect. So, peace friends.

 
At November 29, 2006 12:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hrm, looking back on my earlier post, brotha b is me <.< ... an anti christ is someone who denies the Father and the Son, so it says in 1 John 2:22, so i guess satan could be the last anti christ, because in the end of times it says all people will recognize the real Christ Jesus, or rather "every knee will bow", and in 1 John 2:18 it says there will be one last antichrist, or something of that stature, Im reading the New American Standard... so, heh

 
At November 29, 2006 12:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

one more thing, lol, depending on how you look at revelation, as metaphors or actual events, i do believe revelation is now, a day to day thing, might want to take a look at Mark Moore's "How to dodge a dragon"

 
At December 08, 2006 3:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello my child was born june 6 2006 at 6 pm and i was in labor for 6 hours. i don't think she is evil and she is very sweet also she is 6 months now. email me nita0750@hotmail.com

 
At May 14, 2007 9:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

uhh. its "616"

proof that you guys are ignorement idiots who are a bunch of fakes trying to get a good laugh.
it's working, but were laughing at you. the one wasting their time spiting out BS

 
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