If You Love Christ At All, Do Not Give Birth Today!

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

I hope I am not too late in issuing this warning. If you’ve already started experiencing the pangs of childbirth then please just wait a moment to read this before you go rushing off to the hospital. I have something very important to tell you. Today is just not a good day to give birth to your child, unless of course it is your intention to give birth to Satan’s son.

You may already be aware that today is June 6, 2006. What you may not know is that this date can also be written “6/6/06”, which if we completely ignore the zero, could be written as “6/6/6”. Still not following me? Well, maybe if I remove the slashes from this date you’ll see the significance…. 666. That’s right! We can manipulate today’s date so that it becomes the number of the beast!

For those among you who are not learned Biblical scholars like myself, allow me to point you to the relevant passage in the book of Revelations that explains the importance of this unholy number:

Also it causes all, both small and great, both rich and poor, both free and slave, to be marked on the right hand or the forehead, so that no one can buy or sell who does not have the mark, that is, the name of the beast or the number of his name. This calls for wisdom: let anyone with the understanding calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a person. Its number is six hundred and sixty-six.

Now many may find the Book of Revelation to be a confusing jumble of psychedelic and incomprehensible ramblings. I understand it perfectly. I seem to be one of the only ones with enough wisdom and understanding to calculate the number (“6/6/06” - “0” - “/”’ - “/” = “666”). And there is no ambiguity here for me, by the “number of his name,” they mean the "date of his birth". So clearly today is the day that the unholy one shall be born.

Some women have wisely decided (with their husband’s consent I hope) to induce their birth early when they were told that their due date might be today. Maybe you’re a pregnant woman reading this and wished you’d have had the foresight to do the same. It looks like you’re in quite a mess, but I shouldn’t need to remind you that you’re the parent here. Your child may wish to be born now, but you have to remain firm. Do not let this strong willed fetus dictate when he will be born. Hold that child inside of you until the clock strikes twelve so that you can be sure your little bundle of joy will be born horn-free.

Let some liberal give birth to the antichrist, they’re used to raising kids who hate God anyway.