Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Merry Christmas, You Secular Pukes

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

I would like to direct a message of Christmas cheer to all the progressive reprobates out there reading this blog. That's right; I want to wish you a "Merry Christmas," my morally bankrupt friends. No, I will not wish any of you "Happy Holidays" because my well wishes are only directed to those who choose to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.

Oh, I'm sure you godless unbelievers would like take part in this glorious celebration of joy, gifts, and family -- but you can't. Oh sure, you can try and justify your use of "happy holidays" as an attempt to be inclusive. We certainly don't want to offend any Jewish people celebrating ChanakaIdontcarehowitsspelled, do we? Oh, and Kwanza, we can't forget Kwanzaa, can we? Yes, yes we can. In fact we can and should forget both of these supposed holidays.

I don't really care if the mention of Christ in my greeting makes you atheists squirm. Well, actually I do care, as I get a lot of joy out of making people like you uncomfortable. In fact I'm going to be sending out Jesus birthday cards instead of generic Christmas cards with cartoon snowmen this year. And hey, if you're in my neighborhood and I don't see you in church every Sunday then you've just made it on my Christmas card list. 'Tis the season for proselytizing.

You know, now that I think about it, I don't think I should simply say "god bless you" when someone around me sneezes. No, I can't afford to be so vague while the one true God is constantly under attack and near the time of his birth no less. I think the proper response from me will have to be "Jesus Christ bless you, unless you don't believe in Him, in that case I really don't care if your cold becomes fatal."

Listen, liberals, this isn't some generic holiday season or Chanwhocaresica it is and always has been Christmas. So I wish all of you idiotic progressive a very merry Christmas, not because I genuinely wish you any bit of happiness but because I know how uncomfortable the word Christ makes you.

36 Comments:

At December 08, 2005 7:42 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

These whores of secularism don’t deserve your kind words.

 
At December 08, 2005 8:02 PM, Blogger scribe said...

Christ???




AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! It burns, it burns!!!

 
At December 09, 2005 12:27 AM, Blogger Kirk said...

That's called gonorrhea Scribe and it's God's way of punishing you for your homosexual activity.

 
At December 09, 2005 10:14 AM, Blogger BushCheney08 said...

"it is and always has been Christmas."

I agree. Christmas has been around for a lot longer than Either of those holidays, Im sick and tired of these stupid people who are worrying about people being offended. its the usual liberal paranioa about weird things no one cares about. When will they ever get a grip!

 
At December 09, 2005 3:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

BushCheney08 is wearing lipstick.

 
At December 09, 2005 9:35 PM, Anonymous smart business said...

Because sign painters charge for each letter, paying for one 13 letter sign that can be used for all the holidays is smart business and takes up less space in a warehouse. Happy Holidays takes up less space on a window and is good from halloween to new years. If you dipshits ever have a business you'll know what I mean.
Example:
STFU & MERRY XMAS AHOLES
Get the point.

 
At December 10, 2005 12:28 AM, Anonymous american businessman said...

Smart Business,
That is an excellent point. At $20 a letter, STFU&MERRY XMAS AHOLES would cost $400. Spelled out in full it would cost $760. That is smart business. It would also use less window space by using only 20 characters rather than 38. Anybody against sound business decisions is in no way an American

 
At December 10, 2005 2:14 AM, Anonymous tim said...

Michael Gregory Steeles way:
Happy Halloween, You Secular Pukes= $600
Happy Thanksgiving, You Secular Pukes= $660
Merry Christmas, You Secular Pukes= $600
Happy New Year, You Secular Pukes=$560
Grand Total: $2,240

Smart way:
Happy Holidays, Pukes= $380
Grand Total: $380

Smart way includes all pukes, like Michael Gregory Steele, Kirk, and the little kid in lipstick. Smart businessmen are what made this country great

 
At December 10, 2005 2:49 AM, Anonymous The Bastard said...

This is no time to be arguing about this when they are reporting from the front lines of The War on Christmas its first casualty.

Bring them home now!!!!

 
At December 10, 2005 4:52 AM, Anonymous eric said...

Businessmen and Tim,
You are very wise indeed. Bad business is not conservative and shows no American Values, it's not even righteous. I would never be so LIBERAL with my money. I'd rather send my own children to college than to pay tuition for some sign painters children. But this sign is free:

"Merry Christmas, Bastard, Tim, Businessmen, Anonymous, Lipstick boy, Self Righteous Kirk, Scribe and so called Conservatives For American Values. God bless us, everyone."
147 characters= $2,940.00

 
At December 10, 2005 10:26 AM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

american businessman / tim: Oh, this is just a matter of cost effectiveness, is it? Thank goodness! For a second I was worried that this was all a coordinated attack by the "PC police" and the usual enemies of God at the ACLU. No wait actually that's exactly what's going on here.

Your naivety is absolutely stunning and embarassing. You have all inspired me though to write a new post countering this foolish argument. Stay tuned for my informed rebuttal.

 
At December 10, 2005 4:37 PM, Anonymous tim said...

Michael Gregory Steele,
Oh, you're thinking of a vast left wing conspiracy. That's the same excuse Hillary used when Bill was busted. I had no idea that Hillary was your mentor.
I can't wait to see some "proof".

 
At December 10, 2005 4:52 PM, Anonymous http://www.seds.org/~michaelk/MSANC.html said...

Why are you using my good name on this blog
http://www.seds.org/~michaelk/MSANC.html

 
At December 10, 2005 7:04 PM, Anonymous john said...

"Merry Christmas, You Secular Pukes"? CHRISTmas and pukes in the same sentence is blasphemous. You should beg Christ for forgiveness and try to be more respectful to Him in future posts. Use your words in a more christian manner when defending our Lord.

 
At December 11, 2005 2:00 AM, Blogger Kirk said...

Michael: I apologize for some of the scum visiting your righteous site. You see, I've been out spreading the word of God to liberal heathens everywhere. While I'm sure I have reached scores of these rotten apples of society, some of them prefer to stay the putrid filth they are rather than better themselves. They have infiltrated my site and turned it from a Holy forum of debate into a cesspool of dissent. Now they have jumped from my site to your beautiful site, spreading their intolerance just as Jesus predicted in Revelations. I hope you are not upset with me as I was just trying to do my righteous duty for America. I had no idea I would release the hordes of hatred.

 
At December 11, 2005 4:32 AM, Anonymous tim said...

I am not a heathen. To prove it I am giving Mr. Steele and Kirk an early Christmas gift. I will no longer comment on either one of your sites again. Nor will I stop by to read your posts. It's no fun to pick on people who don't fight back. Conscientious Objectors. Wait I have one more comment to put on Kirks site.
Merry Christmas Kirk and Michael

 
At December 11, 2005 10:46 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

Tim: Sometimes people do not fight back because the opponent is unworthy of the effort, such as yourself. I am, in all reality, only writing this reply to you out of a mixture of boredom and annoyance. I really hope that you continue to comment. I enjoy the little bit of mirth that your written dreck provides me. Merry Christmas everyone! (With exceptions for all of you Godless bundles of kindling for the crackling fires of Hell.)

 
At December 12, 2005 12:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know how people can think that "Happy Holidays" is an appropriate greeting for these times.

Doesn't everybody know that "Merry Christmas" is the accepted saying, as it appears in the Bible?

 
At December 12, 2005 3:27 PM, Blogger scribe said...

But I caught gonorrhea froma female prostitute! That's Ok, isn't it?

 
At December 12, 2005 3:28 PM, Blogger scribe said...

bushcheney,

Christmas has been around longer than Hannukah, eh? Thanks for educating us.

 
At December 12, 2005 6:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

'kind words' hahahahahaha

 
At December 13, 2005 6:10 PM, Anonymous joe said...

This country was founded by christians, for christians. Heathens were brought here against their will to work, those that do not convert are free to leave. So leave you non-christians. So we can have a Merry Christmas.

 
At December 13, 2005 6:36 PM, Blogger scribe said...

brilliant, joe. you shoulda followed it with, "WOmen in skimpy clothing are asking for it!"

 
At December 14, 2005 3:10 PM, Anonymous joe said...

...and btw women in skimpy clothing are asking for it. In high heels...
tight jeans...
tube tops...
Yeah thats right baby. LINGERIE...
I gotta go

 
At December 14, 2005 5:19 PM, Blogger scribe said...

Be sure to scrub well LOL

 
At December 14, 2005 6:57 PM, Anonymous joe said...

Yeah, scrub well with lotsa nice soap, while I stare at your girlfriend of the month. OOOh...
Gotta go

 
At December 15, 2005 8:03 AM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

Well, it seems that my post hasn't inspired reverence to Christmas but has instead inspired the kind of inane chatter that one would find on liberal blogs. All that's missing is a pointless reference to Halliburton.

Listen, folks, if you can't understand the simple truth that I am imparting to all of you then just leave. I really can't make it any simpler. If you don't have the mental capacity to understand God's word as delivered through me, then that's your problem, just stop bothering the people who are actually here to learn.

 
At December 15, 2005 3:31 PM, Blogger scribe said...

The stockholders at Haliburton would be proud.

 
At December 16, 2005 10:09 AM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

scribe: Please reference the above comment by Mr. Steele. Then leave, as that comment instructs.

 
At December 19, 2005 4:23 PM, Blogger scribe said...

herman,

that is such typical pro-haliburton propaganda.

 
At March 18, 2006 3:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Inspiration is the essence of writing. So this article on Lipstick was written with the inspiration that grew within me.

 
At April 22, 2006 11:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lmao. You, sir, are an idiot.

 
At May 26, 2006 10:00 AM, Blogger Bob Higgins said...

What a wonderfully Christian thing to say and so typical of what passes for piety these days.

Bob Higgins
Worldwide Sawdust

 
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