by Herman B. HayesConservative Christian Moral Emergency.
The homos are on the march!
Recently I was shopping for a new power saw and belt sander at my local Home Depot store. Now, I have always enjoyed my experience at this fine example of corporatization. Sadly, this would all change as I made my way to the gardening department to purchase a shovel.
It all started with a simple mistake, really. I was unable to find the particular shovel I was looking for, one that is not made by communist heathens or Mexicans, that is. I approached a clean-cut young man who happened to be wearing what first appeared to be a Home Depot tee-shirt. It had the same style of lettering, the same orange block, everything. Imagine my pure, unadulterated horror when I realized that the shirt did not read “The Home Depot” as I expected.
The shirt read “The Homo Depot.”
It would appear that he was there to sell a different kind of lumber. I was mortified, and after vomiting into a gorgeous terra-cotta planter, I quickly fled the gardening department. I was very fearful that the seeds of homofaguality may have spread to my arrow-straight self. I ran straight to the band saws, and briefly entertained the thought of self-decapitation. While my neck was in front of the blade, I saw a glorious sight. A family; a father, a mother, and two children. The Lord had reminded me that there is hope. I stood up. I laughed. I moved on. I will never forget, though.
You should devote all that I write to memory, dear pupils of my wisdom. If you cannot, though, at least remember this:
Sodomites can be subtle.
It would appear that the homosexual army has discovered a new tactic. Guerrilla sodomy may well be their new tactic in the constant war on God and morality. The gays are taking their cue from our terrorist enemies in the newly democratic Iraq. We now face this threat at home, in the form of homo-insurgents. They could be anywhere, as evidenced above. Remember what our dear leader President Bush said:
We must remain vigilant.
Be on the lookout for clandestine faggotry in your neighborhood, your schools, your workplace, and even your home. They have learned to blend in. They look like us, they talk like us, they walk like us, and they are more dangerous to our freedom and way of life than ever.