I Hate Liberal Dissent

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

I've come to a simple conclusion: having to listen to people who disagree with you is incredibly annoying. I previously wrote that liberal commenters help fill me with enough indignation to post on this blog. That was before I got sick and tired of having to defend every single one of my ideas.

But my dilemma is this: How do I rid myself of these liberal pests without completely disabling comments and in turn cutting myself off from any well deserved praise?

WWFND: What Would Fox News Do?
First I thought of Fox News, and how they handle their own liberal pest problems. As an unfortunate necessity they have to invite a liberal pundit on their shows to try and counter a conservative pundit's take on any particular issue. A shouting match usually ensues and the conservative always prevails. So how do they manage to keep the news so on message without it devolving into some sort of treasonous coffeehouse debate?

Simple, they shrewdly control the debate by carefully selecting their opponents. They can either pick an anemic liberal like Alan Colmes who will easily concede or they can select a liberal so outrageous that he makes Michael Moore look like Michael Gregory Steele. This solution is so absolutely brilliant in its simplicity.

Unfortunately I can't pick and choose which liberal idiots will stumble across this blog and decide to post a comment, so I have to look elsewhere for a solution.

WWGWBD: What Would George W. Bush Do?
Next I thought of our glorious President and what he would do in this kind of situation. How did he handle all those loud unwashed protesters chanting bumper-sticker slogans like "No Blood for Oil", "Bush Lied" , or "Stop Picking on Terrorists" ? How could he perform his election stump speech or preach the gospel of Social Security privatization over this kind of racket?

He has a simple and elegant solution to this problem of having people who disagree with him: Don't let them in the door. He wisely makes everyone who attends these events sign a loyalty oath so that he can preach only to the choir. He kept the riff-raff out by filling these events with only loyal and pure Republicans. This is the genius mind of Karl Rove at its best.

But again this is an idea that doesn't quite translate to the internet. Having everyone sign a loyalty oath isn't very practical for a blog.

WWID: What Will I Do?
It all boils down to carefully controlling the debate. I will no longer allow any liberals to try and knock me off message. If a liberal posts a comment it will be deleted. This is unless the liberal either leaves me opportunity to personal attack their extremism or gives me an easy way to reiterating a point I have made earlier. I hope liberals will remember this simple message when trying to comment to this blog: I control the terms of the debate, therefore I control the message.