Wednesday, July 06, 2005

It Takes a Senator Named Santorum

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

Friends, I have great news! Rick Santorum, America's senator, has written a book. I've waited years for this man's sage words to be put to paper. Now, the teachings of Rick Santorum can be passed down throughout the ages. My great grandson will now one day be able to read about of the horrors of homosexuals destroying families and radical feminists forcing mothers into the workplace.

The title of his new groundbreaking book is "It Takes a Family" which is a clever play on the title of that uppity Hillary Clinton's book "It Takes a Village." We had to wait nearly a decade for an answer to her idiotic proposition that a child is raised not just by a family, but also by teachers, community members and religious leaders. His literary retort was well worth the wait.

There are a few portions of this book I especially liked, including:
The notion that college education is a cost-effective way to help poor, low-skill, unmarried mothers with high school diplomas or GEDs move up the economic ladder is just wrong.
I've always been firmly against educating unwed mothers. This only rewards them for their disgusting behavior. We certainly have no moral obligation to help an unchaste woman work her way out of a difficult financial situation. No, indeed our responsibility is to firmly say to her: "You've made your bed, now you must lie in it." We also have a further responsibility to make this bed as uncomfortable as possible to worsen the punishment inflicted upon this godless harlot.

Another of my favorite parts is this:
Many women have told me, and surveys have shown, that they find it easier, more “professionally” gratifying, and certainly more socially affirming, to work outside the home than to give up their careers to take care of their children. Think about that for a moment…Here, we can thank the influence of radical feminism, one of the core philosophies of the village elders.
I couldn't have said it better myself, senator, although I probably would have replaced the phrase "village elders" with "godless liberals." If women were truly meant to have careers outside of the home then God would not have outfitted them with inferior brains. Women working outside the home runs directly counter to God's plan and I applaud Rick for taking such a principled stand on this.

This book has truly inspired me, and he's right, it does take a family alone to raise a child. Who better to teach my kids than their parents? Both my boys will be home schooled next year. And who better, I ask, to teach them about Christ than their father? My children will observe the Sabbath in the Church of Michael Gregory Steele from now on. My children will be protected in my warm bosom from the dangers of atheists, liberals, and homosexuals.

Thank you, senator Santorum, thank you. I guess that sometimes it takes a senator named Santorum to show you the light.

12 Comments:

At July 07, 2005 2:16 AM, Blogger bkwrd_dog said...

I always thought that it was stupid for a family to expect teachers to educate a child. Most of them advanced degrees from liberal arts schools first of all... and secondly those damn science teachers in the 'reality based community' think having a bunch of evidence for evolution is enough teach it instead of just unquestioned faith in the accuracy of the Genisis account(s) of creation.

I don't know why biologists study stuff life that anyway. The bible explains it in a perfectly clear way.

Those tree-hugging communist bastards think we have a common ancestor with monkeys. But I can prove that's not true: Have you ever seen a monkey turn into a human????????????? I didn't think so. Idiots!

 
At July 07, 2005 3:56 AM, Blogger M.R. said...

"The Church Of Michael Gregory Steele"
Looking for a tax exemption are we?

 
At July 07, 2005 11:23 AM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

bkwrd_dog: Come to think of it, I've never witnessed the evolution of a human from a monkey either.

All these liberal scientists have are fossil records and the dubious claim that chimps are over 98% genetically similar to humans. Given this underwhelming evidence I'll stick with creationism.

 
At July 07, 2005 11:39 AM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

m.r.: Well, if this blog continues to grow in readership I may someday have enough followers to start my own religion.

 
At July 08, 2005 12:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michael,

Unfortunately, I will not be able to buy Senator Santorum's book for some time as one of the many godless, liberal, activist judges who continue to hold a knife to the throat of this country's moral character has ruled that my donations to Operation Rescue and Eric Rudolph are NOT tax deductable, and therefore I now have the jackbooted IRS (who are nothing more than a covert operations branch of the UN) breathing down my neck.

However, since you are blessed to have read this book, can you tell me if Senator Santorum discusses in more detail the connection between homosexuality and cannabalism?

You see, and I hope I am not sullying your fine, God-fearing blog by mentioning this, but my own 6 year old son, God save him, is showing signs of homosexuality - he starts whining after a mere 3 hours of church, and persistently questions me about why his mommy is only allowed to leave the house to go to the grocery store or the hospital to deliver unto God a new brother or sister for him.

As the Bible so advises, I have not spared him the rod, but no matter how many times he is sent to bed with a sore bottom, he will not shape up.

So I believe he is spiraling into gayness, and I am deeply concerned that he may turn into a cannibal and turn his loving father and mother into some kind of gay beef stew to be consumed by the light of a full moon.

I am prepared to lock him in the basement cage to spare the life of his mother and I, but, as I said, money is tight and I don't want to spend the rest of it fighting off those communist, godless child services vultures (they have me on file, of course, as they do all God-fearing parents) unless there is clear evidence that my son's homosexual urges will drive him into a cannibalistic frenzy of flesh eating.

Does Senator Santorum, God bless him, offer any more guidance on this? If so, then I'm sure I can borrow enough money from my church's collection box to buy the book.

 
At July 10, 2005 7:52 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

anonymous: I can do you one better, I'll direct you to some advice given by someone even more wise than Santorum, myself.

I wrote a post about dealing with a gay boss, a lot of the lessons will apply in your case. You are morally obligated to make your son not gay.

 
At July 01, 2006 10:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

At times I suppose the whole Christian thing is a really wonderful concept filled with hope and salvation love and compassion and yeah even a little justified fire and brimstone. But tell you the truth if God is as much a hater as most of you guys seem to be, I really dont need to be down with it! You would scare anyone away, is that your idea of fufilling the great commandment?

 
At July 06, 2006 12:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a better title: "It takes a Senator that ought to be in a sanatorium."

 
At January 04, 2008 2:39 PM, Anonymous Amused said...

Seriously this stuff is hilarious. Anyone, liberal or conservative, who thinks this site is anything but a parody is extremely stupid.

 
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