by Herman B. HayesI know, this is a rather obvious statement.
Today I received an email from a liberal moron who postulated the claim that Dr. James Dobson is a homosexual. Of course, this could not be further from the truth. This enemy of God sent the following quote from one of Dr. Dobson’s 2002 newsletters, in an effort to support his ridiculous claim.
Meanwhile, the boy's father has to do his part. He needs to mirror and affirm his son's maleness. He can play rough-and-tumble games with his son, in ways that are decidedly different from the games he would play with a little girl. He can help his son learn to throw and catch a ball. He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard. He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.
Showering with your son is a tactic to prevent gayness, everyone knows this.
I thought it was common knowledge that taking your young son into the shower with you is one of the best ways to prevent the malleable little tyke from becoming a homosexual. As Dr. Dobson informs us, you need to show your son that you, Dad, also have a penis. Of course, being the perfect father, I did not have to rely on Dr. Dobson to tell me this, I already knew. It is nice to know, however, that the esteemed non-gay straight man Dr. James “Homo-destroyer” Dobson is on the right track. Now that we have cleared Dr. Dobson of these nefarious allegations, allow me to expand upon his message.
My wife took some convincing.
My loving and generally demure wife did not seem to be in line with my plan to expose myself to our youngest son in the shower. She must have somehow got it into her head that this was in some way disgusting, akin to pedophilia, or something that a heathen would read in the NAMBLA newsletter. I sensed that this might cause conflict in our happy home, so I did the only thing that I could do as a responsible father and husband. I told her she had dishes to do, and that I would take care of making our boy into a man.
There is only one problem: Dr. Dobson did not take it far enough.
Mind you, I do agree that showing your impressionable young son the glory of your fully developed male organ is a prophylactic against contracting homosexuality. I personally do not believe that it is enough. Your son has to be terrified of the adult male genitalia. For the rest of his life, he has to shake with fear at the mere thought of being exposed to another man’s penis.
You have to convince your son that looking upon a penis other than his own, or his Dad’s, will kill him.
You must tell him that a penis that is foreign to him will disembowel him where he stands, be it a school locker room, the gym, or in the home of another man. You must place in to his sponge-like brain the horrible images of him being eviscerated by a male sexual organ. Only when he bursts into tears when thinking of a penis will your job be done, and your lineage secured.
Thanks to Herman Hayes and Dr. Dobson, you too can keep your sons straight, well adjusted, and on the narrow path of God-fearing heterosexuality.