I Am Proudly Anti-Cure

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

After reading a Newsweek column on stem cell research in which the writer frames his support of stem cell research as "pro-cure,” I am ready to shout from atop the highest mountains: “I am anti-cure!”

This stem cell controversy is given new life after a bill allowing more funding for stem cell research has already passed the House, and continues to snake its way towards the Senate.

Sure, the research is very promising, including the progress made by South Korean scientists, but allowing godless scientists to harvest these cells from deceased fetuses or embryos slated for disposal is simply wrong. This research may save millions from fatal diseases, but God created Parkinson's, Alzheimer's and diabetes for a reason.

What people refuse to admit is that you only get sick if God is very angry with you. Case in point, I have been sick only once in the entirety of my sainted life. I got the flu after I accidentally saw another man's penis in the locker room at the YMCA. From that day on, I vowed never to anger God, and have remained in his good graces ever since.

Of course, our wise President understands that using stem cells is immoral and has threatened to veto the bill should it find its way to his desk. This would be his very first veto, making it very clear that President George W. Bush is also ready to shout at the top of his lungs: “I am anti-cure!”

One final thought: I, Michael Gregory Steele, was once an embryo. While I was never frozen in this state, or slated for disposal, I was an embryo. Would this world have been better off if I had been used for research by liberal mad scientists? I think not.

I could have hypothetically been used to find a cure for cancer instead of curing the moral plague that infects all of you. This very thought should be enough have you all screaming: “I am anti-cure!”

Note: the Moral Mailbox question for this week will be answered this Thursday, so you still have time to get those questions in.

Danica Patrick: Enemy of God

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

I spent today doing what every other common man in this country did, I watched the Indianapolis 500.

This is normally a very happy occasion for me, but my experience was spoiled by one particular "driver." Her name is Danica Patrick. The very presence of a woman in this most sacred of sports fills me with an indescribable rage. I wanted to vomit, but I was too busy screaming at my television.

And on the 7th day, he rests.

God was clearly resting on this day; otherwise Danica would not have been allowed to lead the pack at any point.

She even looked as though she might win this race at one point, during which I expected fire to begin raining from the sky. She instead finished in 4th place.

Danica's performance today can't have anything to do with her ability, because as we all know women simply do not know how to drive. I agree with racer Robby Gordon's take on this:

"The lighter the car, the faster it goes. Do the math. Put her in the car at her weight, then put me or Tony Stewart in the car at 200 pounds and our car is at least 100 pounds heavier."

He also said that he refused to race her so long as nothing was done to correct this problem. I couldn't agree with him more, although I'd take it one step further. Women shouldn't be allowed to drive at all. Period.

Thankfully it was Dan Wheldon who took that traditional drink of milk in the Indy 500 winner's circle. Perhaps Danica should start working on her baking so she can provide cookies to the future Indy 500 winners. Cookies go great with milk, and baking is something that women are actually supposed to do.

Hang up that helmet and put on an apron, Danica, lest you make Michael Gregory Steele even angrier.

Michael Gregory Steele, Common Man

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

For a long time it we were stuck with the intellectual elitist ideas of a social class system. This was a system that classified people as working class, middle class, or upper class. But, as with other inventions of the Ivy League establishment, this idea is rooted in scientific analysis of social and economic trends instead of simple common sense.

A new definition of class has now emerged, and it has nothing to do with your job, how much money you make, or your level of education.

We've gone from the three class system to the morally superior two tier system of: Liberal Elitist and Common Man. I, of course, fall into the later category.

I may have tremendous wealth and be divorced significantly from the economic concerns of the traditional "working class," but I don't drink those fancy East Coast lattes. While I don't know the current price of milk, I do know lots about NASCAR. I may live in an affluent suburb, but I drive a Ford SUV past those perfectly manicured lawns, not a Volvo or some hippie-friendly hybrid. I'm a common man. I'm genuine, I'm real, and I share your values.

As such, I can't think about individuals without healthcare when evolution is being taught to our children. I won't discuss our shrinking "middle class," when as we speak liberal mad scientists want to use stem cells to help cure diseases. Finally, I won't even entertain the notion of improving workers' wages when we have snooty homosexuals trying to redefine marriage. We've successfully changed "It's the economy, stupid" to "It's the homos, sinner," and it's going to stay that way.

I am Michael Gregory Steele, common man. Now, let's go grab a beer and talk about the moral decay of America, because that's all that really matters.

Note: Keep emailing those questions to the Moral Mailbox, because we'll be answering another one on Monday.

Moral Mailbox: My Boss Is Gay

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

Welcome to the first installment of the Moral Mailbox, a forum where moral questions are answered by your bastions of moral strength, Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes. Let's get to our question (clearly not edited for grammar):

im faced with a moral dilema in my place of employment. my manager has made it very clear that he is openly gay. as a conservative christian i find it problematic to follow orders from someone morally inferior. what should i do? - concerned christian

This is quite an ethical dilemma, Concerned Christian, or at least that's what I would say if I weren't ten times more wise than Solomon.

This reminds me of a situation at my own place of employment that happened about 6 years ago. I had just been transferred to a different department and was moving the contents of my desk to my much larger new office. As I was setting my belongings onto my new desk, a woman stepped into my office. While I paused to think of what kind of coffee I would ask her to fetch for me, she stuck out her hand and spoke. "Hello, I'm your new boss," she said. At that point the room began to spin.

It's a very difficult situation when the corporate order runs counter to the natural order as in either of these cases.

First of all, it is important to remind your boss of how much God abhors homosexuality. This is something you should do daily. Because of laws that protect these fragile homosexuals against "hate speech" you should only make subtle comments. Some suggestions are:

• Somebody just told me about Leviticus 18:22, and it's a real shame about your "lifestyle" being an abomination.
• I hope God doesn't decide strike you down for your deviant sexual activities because I really enjoy working with you.
  
• I was reading the Bible on my break, and I don't want to ruin the ending, but you go to hell for being gay.

You are morally obligated to convert your boss into a heterosexual. The only way to do this is to help get him in touch with his manliness. Toss a football around with him. Point out attractive female coworkers to him. Take him out to get a few beers after work with the guys. It's important to let him see how great it can be to associate with men for reasons other then having anonymous gay sex.

If this doesn't work, you can always do what I did to solve my problem. I stayed up every night plotting ways to make things right in my world. I sabotaged project after project for my female boss. I did this until it became clear to the higher ups that I was the right man for my boss's job. Like women, homosexuals just don't belong in positions of authority. Unfortunately, sabotage may be the only way to rectify this situation.

Send your own moral queries to: The Moral Mailbox.

In Defense of Tom Delay

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

I haven't wanted to talk about Republican House Majority Leader Tom Delay's recent ethics troubles on this blog until now. I haven't wanted to dignify this liberal outcry about "ethical abuses" with a response. It seems that I have waited as long as I can, and I won't stand by and let this saintly man be persecuted. I must speak out.

• Am I going to deny that Tom Delay allowed lobbyists to financed trips abroad for him? No.
• Am I going to deny that Tom Delay funneled nearly $500,000 to various members of his family through his political action comittee? No.
  
• Am I going to deny that Tom Delay changed the rules of House Ethics Committee in order to shield himself from culpability? Absolutely Not.

These particular points don't really matter as they are not what is truly driving this controversy. This is of course about partisan politics, but also about liberals' hatred of success.

Tom Delay has been a very succesful fundraiser for the party, and a tenacious opponent of the wicked liberals. He is one of the most powerful and sucessful members of the Republican Party. And with these successes come the spoils. He has earned his place by being diciplined and hard working and he deserves whatever financial reward he can attain. He has more than earned it.

This best strategy for Tom is to not allow himself to be criticized by people who have no credibility on this issue.

• You wouldn't allow a welfare recipient to criticize your work ethic.
  
• You also wouldn't allow a convicted criminal to challege your integrity.
  
• And you certainly wouldn't allow an unwed mother to question your parenting skills.
  

So what sense does it makes for Tom Delay to even respond to questions about his ethics from godless Democrats who don't have an ethical bone in their bodies.

If Delay must respond to the reporters who continue to dog him, a good and simple response for him to give would be: "At least I'm not gay."

Note: Keep those emails coming to the Moral Mailbox, I'll be answering a select question on Monday.

News Flash! Mainstream Media Is Biased

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

Wait! Stop the presses! I've got a breaking news story: The mainstream media has a liberal bias!

It seems as if the mainstream media has done it again, inventing facts to suit their far left agenda. Newsweek has had to retract its claim that US interrogators flushed copies of the Quran down the toilet -- a claim that sparked riots in Afghanistan and lead to the death of 15 people.

This claim was of course patently ridiculous and irresponsible from the start.

• We may have intimidated detainees with unmuzzled dogs, but we never desecrated the Quran.
• We may have pretended to smear menstrual blood on a detainee in Guantanamo Bay, but we never desecrated the Quran.
• We may have sodomized detainees with a broomstick at Abu Ghraib, but we never desecrated the Quran.

We have shown nothing but the utmost respect for their completely backward religion.

This story is just one instance in a string of recent failures by the mainstream media. There was Jayson Blair lying and inventing stories for the New York Times. There was CBS News' Dan Rather and his infamous Bush Nation Guard forgeries. Now add this Newsweek story to the top of this ever growing list.

It should be clear to you now that it is time for you to turn away from the godless mainstream media and toward the Righteous Media.

"What is the Righteous Media?" you might ask. Well this is my term for media that's not afraid to tell the truth. This is the media that's not afraid to let you know that things are going spectacularly in Iraq. This is the media that will call homosexuality what it truly is, a perversion, not a "lifestyle choice." This is the media that reports on all President Bush's many success, not just his few minor failures.

The Righteous Media includes: Conservatives for American Values (this blog), Fox News, and the National Review to name a few. It's time to make the Righteous Media your only media. Only then can you hope to get news that is untainted by liberal ideology, propaganda and lies.

The Moral Mailbox: Enemy of Moral Relativism

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

After Herman told me his stories of his missionary visit to Vermont, I couldn't sleep. It wasn't excitment about his spreading the word that kept me awake (unfortunately Herman's sage words fell mostly on deaf ears). It was disbelief at how those people responded to Herman that kept me so sleepless. I spent most of my night shaking with anger thinking about the comments made by those arrogant elitists.

Aside from the usual satanic dogma, there was one comment that really struck me:

"That's your truth, man, you shouldn't try and force it upon others." - unidentified Vermont elitist.

It is this idea, the idea of moral relativism, that is perhaps our greatest threat.

It is moral relativism that allows terrorist sympathizers to question America and coddle terrorists. It is moral relativism that prevents homosexuality for being seen for the evil that it is. It is moral relativism that prevents people from aggressively spreading the word of Jesus Christ to people who are worshipping the wrong god (or just worshipping the right God in the wrong way).

I have news for all the moral indigents that call Vermont their home: there is an absolute truth and it is contained within the Bible. "The bible is so open to interpretation in so many areas how can it be the source of ultimate truth?" you may ask. This question reflects the moral weakness within so many that makes this blog necessary. Who can provide you with the absolute moral truths of the Bible? Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes can.

In order to counter the evils of moral relativism we've setup an email address where you can send your moral and ethical queries directly to us. You will no longer have to wonder if your moral interpretation is the correct one, we will tell you definitively.

The email address is: MoralMailbox@yahoo.com.

Understand we are often too busy with other works to respond directly, but we will be answering select emails in a new weekly section we will call the Moral Mailbox.

I just pray my faithful readers have the strength of character to resist this godless notion of relativism. Herman and I have both seen what happens when ideas like this take hold in places like Vermont.

Make no mistake there is a war against religion being waged right now, and you're either with us, or you're with the terrorists.

Evolution: Satanic Scripture

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

The question is inevitably asked, "Can one be a good Christian and still believe in evolution?" In a word: no. In several more words: not unless your definition of being a good Christian entails worshiping at the altar of science and finding yourself burning in the lake of fire for your idolatry.

There are many who attempt to reconcile their Christian teachings with the godless teaching of evolution. Take it from a true biblical scholar and genuine moral authority -- you're wasting your time. The origin of man is clearly laid out in Genesis. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve the monkey.

This controversy has been reopened in part because of the recent hearings of the Kansas School Board on the teaching of evolution in schools. This conflict can be summed up perfectly with this quote from one of the board members:

"We can't ignore that our nation is based on Christianity — not science." - Kathy Martin.

The scientists, who choose to believe in evolution, make this and other verifiable "truths" into their scripture. They choose to deify their science over the one true God.

I found this statement on the American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS) website, and I think it pretty much sums up the opposition:

Make no mistake — within the scientific community, the updated version of Darwin's original proposal that plants and animals evolve and adapt gradually over time is well-supported by thousands of studies and well-accepted by virtually every scientist.

Yes, we get it scientists, you all hate our God. Well, we're not too fond of your god either.

Michael Gregory Steele, The Man

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

It occurred to me that many of my loyal readers know very little about Michael Gregory Steele, the man. It also occurred to me that it might be necessary to talk about the man that I am in order to better establish my ethos.

If you could look into my eyes and feel the firmness of my handshake then this post would be unnecessary. My very presence is such that nobody questions my integrity or purpose when they're in the same room as me. But this is the internet, making that kind of experience impossible for some of my readers. What follows is a brief biography of me which should be enough to establish my unquestionable moral credibility.

I, Michael Gregory Steele, am the embodiment of the American Dream.
I'm a 33 year old who's already reached the pinnacle of success, and am living proof that anyone else can do the same. I've established myself within the business community as a partner in a very profitable real estate and venture capital firm.

Despite my incredible success I still find time for my lovely wife, Carol, and my two children (Michael Jr. and Joseph). In addition to providing my loving and obedient family with moral and religious guidance, I also provide guidance to the rest of the children of my community as a Sunday school teacher at my local church.

Lastly, I am a lifelong committed Republican who has never crossed party lines in voting and has remained very active in the local and state (Pennsylvania) Republican Party. I continue to work towards making the Republican Party a true instrument of God.

Now you know a little bit more about Michael Gregory Steele, the man. I will provide additional history about myself in subsequent posts to serve as an inspiration to all. Remember you too can achieve the American Dream, all you need is ability and hard work.

The Need for a New McCarthysm

by Anonymous

Despite the fact that the Republicans control the White House and both houses of Congress, it seems that we simply don't have the collective strength to stand up against the weak-minded Democratic Party.

Here is a list of some of our most recent failings:

1. The inability to stop the fillabuster of conservative judicial nominees.
2. The delayed confirmation of John Bolton as UN Ambassador.
3. The lack of anti-sodomy legislation.

The common factor in all of these failures is the interference of moderate Republican Senators (McCain, Chafee, Lugar, Lieberman). These RINOs (Republicans in Name Only) are a plague to our party and only stand to weaken us and our collective goals. We need representatives with the steely (or Steele-y) resolve to stand up to the forces of evil.

We don't need those who would wish to find common ground with godless Democrats. Would you consider it a victory to strike a compromise with Satan in which he can only lay claim to half of your soul?

Therefore the time has come to purge the impurities from our party. Our party must be sanctified. The time has come for a new breed of McCarthysm. Our demon is not communists; It is those who wish to compromise with them.

The time will come when every Republican representative will have to answer to the following question: Are you or have you ever been a moderate member of the Republican Party? If they cannot answer this question with a negative, then they don't have the moral authority to represent our party.

Only once these poisoned members are eliminated can we again take our place as the party of values and above all the party of unquestioned strength.

Affirmative Action is Negative

by Anonymous

First, let me start off by saying that I'm not racist. That statement has nothing to do with what I'm about to say, but I thought it would be an important thing to bring up before I continued discussing such a racially charged issue.

Affirmative action is the practice of giving preferential treatment to minorities in order to address certain "social inequalities" and help eliminate racism. This is usually achieved through governmental imposed quotas for either hiring (in businesses) or admissions (in colleges). I wanted to make a few arguments against this practice that selects equally qualified (usually) minorities over white people such as myself. Again, I don't hate people of other races or ethnicities.

1. A color blind society needs color blind policies.
If a level playing field is what we truly want to achieve then we need policies that reflect that. Two wrongs do not make a right. Unless you can show me something to prove that minorities (like black people) face financial and educational disadvantages brought about by a unique history of institutionalized racism, I'm sticking to my guns. Discriminating against white people doesn't do anything but breed more racism.

This may be a bit of a non sequitur, but I do actually have a black friend.

Clearly all things being equal, a black man should have just as easy of a time as a white man achieving success. The idea of making sure that a certain racial group isn't disproportionately poor doesn't help solve racism at all. This also bring me to my second point.

2. People don't respect individuals who aren't self made.
I am a self made man and people respect me for that. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the helping hand that my parents gave me when paying for my boarding school and college. But I'm the one who worked with my private tutor every night to make sure that I made the grade. The only one to credit for my incredible successes or to blame for any minor failures is Michael Gregory Steele.

If minorities get where they are because of affirmative action, people won't respect them. It's not as if getting into a profession that society respects is enough. Look at George W. Bush, a man in the most respected of professions, President of the United States. Would you respect him as much if he received some sort of preferential treatment to get where he is, I think not.

Not to go off on a tangent, but I wanted to bring up the fact that I often go out of my way to be friendly and make conversation with my Hispanic gardener.

My conclusion is simple, affirmative action is wrongheaded and does nothing to solve the problem of racism -- And also, I'm not a bigoted moron.