Michael Gregory Steele, Common Man

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

For a long time it we were stuck with the intellectual elitist ideas of a social class system. This was a system that classified people as working class, middle class, or upper class. But, as with other inventions of the Ivy League establishment, this idea is rooted in scientific analysis of social and economic trends instead of simple common sense.

A new definition of class has now emerged, and it has nothing to do with your job, how much money you make, or your level of education.

We've gone from the three class system to the morally superior two tier system of: Liberal Elitist and Common Man. I, of course, fall into the later category.

I may have tremendous wealth and be divorced significantly from the economic concerns of the traditional "working class," but I don't drink those fancy East Coast lattes. While I don't know the current price of milk, I do know lots about NASCAR. I may live in an affluent suburb, but I drive a Ford SUV past those perfectly manicured lawns, not a Volvo or some hippie-friendly hybrid. I'm a common man. I'm genuine, I'm real, and I share your values.

As such, I can't think about individuals without healthcare when evolution is being taught to our children. I won't discuss our shrinking "middle class," when as we speak liberal mad scientists want to use stem cells to help cure diseases. Finally, I won't even entertain the notion of improving workers' wages when we have snooty homosexuals trying to redefine marriage. We've successfully changed "It's the economy, stupid" to "It's the homos, sinner," and it's going to stay that way.

I am Michael Gregory Steele, common man. Now, let's go grab a beer and talk about the moral decay of America, because that's all that really matters.

Note: Keep emailing those questions to the Moral Mailbox, because we'll be answering another one on Monday.