Monday, October 02, 2006

Conservationism, the Subtle Satanism

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

It’s no secret that all liberals openly defy and undermine the Lord in everything they do. No rational person would debate this point. Sometimes though the ways in which they spit in the face of everything that is sacred can be subtle. Tree-hugging conservationists are one group of liberals that are too often underestimated by us morally minded Christians.

We all know that Muslims, atheists, homo insurgents, and other liberals pose a very real threat to Christianity and the American way of life. Too often though we ignore the moral threat posed by the bearded granola-eating vegans among us. It’s not that these anemic leaf-munchers pose much of a physical threat to anyone who doesn’t resemble a soy plant, but when their depraved ideas permeate our culture then they can pose a true moral danger to all of us.

In fact, the basic philosophical ideas of these nature loving freaks show a fundamental disrespect for The Lord. God has given us tall sturdy trees with which to build, precious shimmering oil to power our cars, and delicious meaty animals to eat, all in great abundance. When we don’t take full advantage of these gifts then we can’t be surprised when God takes it a bit personally.

To better understand my point, consider the following. Not surprisingly, I am a wonderful provider for my family. I always make sure we have enough money to keep the Steele family fridge stocked with enough food that my children will never know hunger. I also would never allow my children to eat only small portions of food so as to “conserve” what’s in that fridge.

I never want Michael Jr. to open our refrigerator door and to wonder what’s going to happen when the peanut butter is all gone. He shouldn’t ever think about that. All that he needs to know is that there’s always a jar of Jif in that fridge whenever he reaches for it. For him to think otherwise would mean he doesn’t trust in me as a provider or father.

And what if Michael Jr. refused to drink any of the Sunny D in our fridge because he wanted to appreciate it in its natural and unopened splendor? If he did, then he’d receive a very stern and harsh punishment from me. I simply can’t allow my children to take for granted what I have given them, and I know that God feels the same way.

What it boils down to is that anyone who cries all day about global warming or who devotes any time to worrying about endangered species has no trust in God. If we need more oil or more spotted owls then God will simply restock the fridge. Don’t disrespect the Almighty by worrying about what’s going to happen when we clear-cut all the forests and pollute the air.

Why take the chance of insulting the Almighty just because a couple of hippies tell you it’s the right thing to do? I ignore these unwashed reprobates and refuse to even recycle my newspapers. If you don’t follow my example, don’t be surprised if you find yourself among the unsaved. And after the rapture while you’re raiding Earth’s fridge which at that point is filled with nothing but expired condiments, Jesus and I will share a good hearty laugh in Heaven at your expense.


At October 01, 2006 11:15 PM, Blogger The Pagan Temple said...

Why do you think all us tree huggers are so much in support of gay marriage? Well, because that would be the first step, and would hjelp set a very valuable precedent. Next will be man/tree marriage. Or woman/fern marriage. I tell you, it's the only way the environment can be saved. You wouldn't want to cut down your wife now, would you?

At October 02, 2006 5:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jesus, what an ignorant fool. I'm sure that when this idiot finds his "rapture" occuring, he will be horrified to see that the very people he shuns and condemns, simply out of a misguided sense of "moral" (to use the word blithely) outrage, his place in line will surely be next to last, alongside GW Bush and that thick-headed oaf R. Limbaugh, and that there will be a great many enthnicities and truly religiously tolerant people laughing at what he has wasted his life doing. In any case, his precious little boy Jr. will be there way ahead of him, having consumed an, albeit shortened, life-time supply of Jif and Sunny D. It's a wonder he didn't call it Sonny D. The biggest laugh will be on him. While he's wating in line to get in through those pearly gates, perhaps Apollo will drive by and purposefuly splash him from the giant mud puddle he will be standing next to, not having the opportunity to cleanse his exalted Cristian feet. See you there-

At October 02, 2006 7:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is really ignorant is stupid people who don't read carefully enough. Get a brain, Moran! Hahahahaha.

At October 02, 2006 9:59 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

the pagan temple: Good point. It's a fact that liberals are motivated by only two factors: a hatred for God and a desire to fullfill their most depraved sexual desires.

In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if these environmentalists try to protect these endangered species only so they can have more opportunities to sodomize them. I personally think those baby seals would rather be clubbed.

At October 02, 2006 10:12 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

anonymous #1: Your comment makes absolutely no sense. Me wait in line? I don’t think so. I'm an important person in Heaven and here on Earth. I never have to wait in line here so what makes you think I would have to wait to get into Heaven. I will simply be ushered in past the riff-raff.

Also, your comment is difficult to understand, so I’m having trouble figuring out if you threatened to kill my son or are simply hoping for a short life for him. Please clarify so I will know just how badly I should beat you.

I'll pray for you. Well I actually be praying that the Lord sees fit to give you some agonizing disease, but know that you will be in my prayers.

At October 02, 2006 11:38 PM, Blogger where is my kidneys? said...

hahaha... is this a parody blog? that's great!!

"Tree-hugging conversationalists"... hahaha, what people who make conversation about hugging trees?

hahaha oh wow this is great. so many of these blogger blogs are so bland. This is hilarious. You're awesome.

At October 03, 2006 1:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know what more "impressive", your arrogance or your ignorance.

At October 03, 2006 1:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, this morning after I cornholed a Pinetree I sacrificed 2 virgins to my dark lord, no not bush, Satan!.

Wow, I love it. Satanic granolamunchers. Best laugh I've had all day. Keep up the good writing.

At October 03, 2006 2:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i hope to god this is a joke blog. seems like it should be, or are you christians really this insane?

At October 03, 2006 2:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's people like you that exacerbate the problem, instead of trying to solve it. You probably believe creationism over evolution in a hearttbeat, without ever reading about evolution or asking about the merits of creationism (well, okay, u could say, 'because of the bible') Adam and Eve rode to bible school on dinosaurs, no?

Tell me, how do you kno that:

"It's a fact that liberals are motivated by only two factors: a hatred for God and a desire to fullfill their most depraved sexual desires"

I'm not sure God would appreciate such arrogance, and such presumption as to know what the Almighty himself wants us petty organisms to do.

I'm not even a liberal , nor a conservative(whatever either maybe exactly). I'm just a disappointed citizen who is tired of the arrogance of some, who fire away meaningless insults in the hope of what, glory? money? self-defined salvation? I wonder.

At October 03, 2006 2:32 PM, Blogger The Pagan Temple said...

Brother Steele, I respectfully ask that if you do pray for something bad to happen to Anonymous, that you have something happen to him that will be good for our environment. Don't have him swarmed with insects, for example, we might not have any choice but to use DDT, or some other insidious pesticide.

Instead, ,might I suggest you have your Lord turn him into a nice, eco-friendly compost?

At October 03, 2006 2:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're very abrasive. Your flock will not grow very large with your very narrow, very unorthodox beliefs.

At October 03, 2006 3:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

On one hand, you say: "All that he needs to know is that there’s always a jar of Jif in that fridge whenever he reaches for it."

On the other you say that children should not take what their father gives them for granted.

Which is it?

At October 03, 2006 3:02 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

where is my kidneys?: My blog is an awesome blog, it reigns...

anonymous: you said, "I'm not sure God would appreciate such arrogance, and such presumption as to know what the Almighty himself wants us petty organisms to do."

And I suppose you think the Lord would waste his time talking to you then, huh? As I've said numerous times before, this blog is the inspired word of God and I am doing you a personal favor by sharing it with you.

Evidently I'm not so arrogant that I would withold these words from someone as unworthy as yourself. Just pray that I forgive your insolence.

At October 03, 2006 4:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, as a "Christian", do you love the muslims, the liberals, gays and conservationists? You must do, because you claim to be a Christian, and yet you seem full of hatred, ignorance, and fear.

I feel sad for you and your poor children, who are doomed it seems to be just as hateful, ignorant, and unloving as their father.

At October 06, 2006 12:55 PM, Anonymous Peter said...

This parody of Christianity is hilarious! It's not really very convincing, of course -- no Christian could really be this ignorant of scripture -- but it's still pretty funny. Real Christians believe in protecting God's creation, but the so-called Christians that support people like George Bush, Mark Foley, and Rick Santorum really believe stuff like this, or pretend to, at least. Those hypocrites will be surprised to find themselves swimming in burning sulpher one day soon!!

Here's another site you will all enjoy! Landover Baptist Church

At October 12, 2006 2:58 PM, Anonymous Brian said...

You may lauch at this Peter, yet like the nasty hypocrites you scorn, you too, are eager to see your enemies writihing in pain for eternity. It's encouraging to see how little difference there really is between so-called conservative hypocrites and the oh-so-moral "true" Christians of the Left.

At October 16, 2006 5:37 PM, Anonymous KennyH said...

You keep your peanut butter in the fridge? Never heard of it.

At October 26, 2006 2:07 PM, Anonymous Jim_Nauseam said...

No true follower of Jesus would ever pray for harm to come to another. You are either kidding or completely misguided. But I'm sure your imaginary relationship with God will comfort you. You do the devil's work.

At December 29, 2008 1:51 AM, Blogger sexy said...








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