Conservationism, the Subtle Satanism

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

It’s no secret that all liberals openly defy and undermine the Lord in everything they do. No rational person would debate this point. Sometimes though the ways in which they spit in the face of everything that is sacred can be subtle. Tree-hugging conservationists are one group of liberals that are too often underestimated by us morally minded Christians.

We all know that Muslims, atheists, homo insurgents, and other liberals pose a very real threat to Christianity and the American way of life. Too often though we ignore the moral threat posed by the bearded granola-eating vegans among us. It’s not that these anemic leaf-munchers pose much of a physical threat to anyone who doesn’t resemble a soy plant, but when their depraved ideas permeate our culture then they can pose a true moral danger to all of us.

In fact, the basic philosophical ideas of these nature loving freaks show a fundamental disrespect for The Lord. God has given us tall sturdy trees with which to build, precious shimmering oil to power our cars, and delicious meaty animals to eat, all in great abundance. When we don’t take full advantage of these gifts then we can’t be surprised when God takes it a bit personally.

To better understand my point, consider the following. Not surprisingly, I am a wonderful provider for my family. I always make sure we have enough money to keep the Steele family fridge stocked with enough food that my children will never know hunger. I also would never allow my children to eat only small portions of food so as to “conserve” what’s in that fridge.

I never want Michael Jr. to open our refrigerator door and to wonder what’s going to happen when the peanut butter is all gone. He shouldn’t ever think about that. All that he needs to know is that there’s always a jar of Jif in that fridge whenever he reaches for it. For him to think otherwise would mean he doesn’t trust in me as a provider or father.

And what if Michael Jr. refused to drink any of the Sunny D in our fridge because he wanted to appreciate it in its natural and unopened splendor? If he did, then he’d receive a very stern and harsh punishment from me. I simply can’t allow my children to take for granted what I have given them, and I know that God feels the same way.

What it boils down to is that anyone who cries all day about global warming or who devotes any time to worrying about endangered species has no trust in God. If we need more oil or more spotted owls then God will simply restock the fridge. Don’t disrespect the Almighty by worrying about what’s going to happen when we clear-cut all the forests and pollute the air.

Why take the chance of insulting the Almighty just because a couple of hippies tell you it’s the right thing to do? I ignore these unwashed reprobates and refuse to even recycle my newspapers. If you don’t follow my example, don’t be surprised if you find yourself among the unsaved. And after the rapture while you’re raiding Earth’s fridge which at that point is filled with nothing but expired condiments, Jesus and I will share a good hearty laugh in Heaven at your expense.