Michael Jr.'s Unholy Sleepover

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

Judging from the comments I received on my Fathers Day Post, I think that some regular parenting advice may be needed for many of our readers. There is no definitive manual on parenting, but this is only because I haven't taken the time to write one.

I can't provide everyone with all the answers to their parenting dilemmas, but anyone should be able to attain a basic understanding of how to be a good parent by simply reading stories on how I parent. I will try to share one such parental anecdote every Sunday night.

Tonight I will share with you a story that took place just today.

My son, Michael Jr., had one of his friends from school over to spend the night (they both slept in separate rooms mind you; I refused to take any chances). This morning, Michael Jr. was just sitting there in his bedroom watching television with his friend Jeremy as I walked up to the doorway of his room.

I shouted in, "Are you two boys getting ready for church?" Michael Jr. replied: "Yes, sir, I just need to put my tie on." He's such a good and obedient child, but I was absolutely floored by what that his snot-nosed friend said after that. "My family never goes to church, Mr. Steele, " he said in his obnoxiously nasal voice. "I can just have my mom pick me up before you leave."

I stood in the doorway for a second unable to speak. This little puke doesn't go to church and he's fraternizing with one of my children? I tried to remain calm, as I would undoubtedly be arrested if I simply acted on impulse and put that little punk through a wall.

I replied coolly, "So, your family worships the devil then?" "No, my family just doesn't really believe in God," he said this without even looking at me. I turned to Michael Jr. and said through clenched teeth, "This kid is no longer your friend."

This is all I needed to say to my son. He immediately leapt to his feet and shouted, "Jeremy, you need to leave before God decides to punish me for associating with someone so despicable."

Jeremy called his mom and was picked up shortly after this all transpired. Later on, while Michael Jr. and I were incinerating the clothes that putrid little atheist had left behind, my son looked up at me and said, "It seems sometimes like our family are only good people in this entire wicked town."

I just smiled proudly at my son. Mark my words; he's going to grow up to be a awe-inspiring mouthpiece of God, just like his dad.