Sunday, June 26, 2005

Michael Jr.'s Unholy Sleepover

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

Judging from the comments I received on my Fathers Day Post, I think that some regular parenting advice may be needed for many of our readers. There is no definitive manual on parenting, but this is only because I haven't taken the time to write one.

I can't provide everyone with all the answers to their parenting dilemmas, but anyone should be able to attain a basic understanding of how to be a good parent by simply reading stories on how I parent. I will try to share one such parental anecdote every Sunday night.

Tonight I will share with you a story that took place just today.

My son, Michael Jr., had one of his friends from school over to spend the night (they both slept in separate rooms mind you; I refused to take any chances). This morning, Michael Jr. was just sitting there in his bedroom watching television with his friend Jeremy as I walked up to the doorway of his room.

I shouted in, "Are you two boys getting ready for church?" Michael Jr. replied: "Yes, sir, I just need to put my tie on." He's such a good and obedient child, but I was absolutely floored by what that his snot-nosed friend said after that. "My family never goes to church, Mr. Steele, " he said in his obnoxiously nasal voice. "I can just have my mom pick me up before you leave."

I stood in the doorway for a second unable to speak. This little puke doesn't go to church and he's fraternizing with one of my children? I tried to remain calm, as I would undoubtedly be arrested if I simply acted on impulse and put that little punk through a wall.

I replied coolly, "So, your family worships the devil then?" "No, my family just doesn't really believe in God," he said this without even looking at me. I turned to Michael Jr. and said through clenched teeth, "This kid is no longer your friend."

This is all I needed to say to my son. He immediately leapt to his feet and shouted, "Jeremy, you need to leave before God decides to punish me for associating with someone so despicable."

Jeremy called his mom and was picked up shortly after this all transpired. Later on, while Michael Jr. and I were incinerating the clothes that putrid little atheist had left behind, my son looked up at me and said, "It seems sometimes like our family are only good people in this entire wicked town."

I just smiled proudly at my son. Mark my words; he's going to grow up to be a awe-inspiring mouthpiece of God, just like his dad.


At June 27, 2005 12:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The heathen hordes have been born into a society that has suffered the rot of Ted Kennedy, assisted of course by the viral toxins spewed into the atmosphere by the mutants Barbra Striesand and Michael Moore. With all of the negative influences all around us, it is truly refreshing to hear about a parent that successfully protects his offspring from the hedomism and Satanism that makes up so much of our society today.

At June 27, 2005 3:24 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

anonymous: Obviously you've read my very informative 3-part series on the threat of liberal idiocy.

That's why Herman and I are here -- to serve as shining examples of righteousness in this diseased world of liberal wickedness.

At June 27, 2005 3:27 PM, Blogger Scott C. Smith said...

Good thing the friend wasn't Jewish, eh?

At June 27, 2005 8:08 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

scott c. smith: At least Jews believe in God. Making them almost saved. Almost.

At June 28, 2005 11:03 AM, Blogger Katy said...


At June 28, 2005 1:54 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

katy: I'm not really familiar with this lol ackronym you've used, but I'm assuming it means "Loving Our Lord."

Rest assured I'm also lol'ing everytime I post to this blog.

At June 28, 2005 2:25 PM, Anonymous LorelieLong said...

Actually, LOL usually stands for "laugh out loud." But I digress.

"And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth" 2 Tim 2:23-26

Do you think that child will ever be willing to listen to the gospel from your mouth again? You lost a great opportunity to teach and guide by being judgemental and narrow minded.

At June 28, 2005 6:53 PM, Blogger Call Me Grandma said...

This is a joke right! Sarcasm at it's finest...right! Pretty clever, and we all know who is cunning and clever. LOL and I mean, Loving Our Lord!!!!

At June 29, 2005 1:45 PM, Blogger Jami said...

i hope you remember dobson's wise words on how thick of a rod to use on your son when he gets cheeky. thank god he's around to focus on everyone else's families. praise jesus.

At June 29, 2005 4:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In today's (6/29) New York Times, you will not be surprized to find the article entitled "Summer Camp That's a Piece of Heaven for the Children, but Please, No Worshiping."

At June 29, 2005 6:59 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

LorelieLong: I find it annoying when commenters try to agrue with anything I say, but I digress. No, I guess I did't digress that's exactly what I wanted to say.

military mom: LOL indeed.

At June 29, 2005 7:08 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

jami: As previously stated in comments, Dobson is half the parent I am.

If he's wise, he'll consult with me before dispensing any further parenting advice.

anonymous: The NY Times!!! That is definately part of the liberal Mainstream media. It seems that my constant warnings about avoiding the MSM aren't nearly constant enough.

At November 02, 2006 12:08 PM, Blogger Renegade said...

That child is not responsible for his parents not taking him to church. Jesus would have invited the boy to come to church with the rest of the family. What you did was not very Jesus-like... it was rude and discriminatory.

That's how to spread the love of Jesus Christ around! Way to go!

Please visit Renegade's BS

At July 18, 2007 1:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sure the story is a sham. I mean religious fanatics of all faiths are the bain on this earth. Just look at what is happening to the fanatics of the Islam faith. Anyway, anyone that is that fanatic about any religion as far as I am concerned is making this world a worse place to live. Live and let live is my understanding of what God ( if there is one ) would want for the world.

At December 27, 2008 9:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Girst of all ,this story and your pet story are dispicable. You are a religious nutjob.
And for the rest of your information ;I am half jewish ,so what the fuck does that make me?
Oh ,and I am a lesbian ,just to make this whole situation more interesting.

You are all racist ,religious ,homophobic bastards. And I sincerely hope that you are the ones to burn in hell.

At December 27, 2008 9:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't believe in God.
Suck it.

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