Moral Mailbox: Arguing With a Liberal

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

Here's the Moral Mailbox question of the week:
I'm a lifelong republican and my roommate is a democrat. I always end up feeling stupid in political arguments because he knows more about current events. Are there any tips you can give me to help me make my points? -Brian

First, Brian, let me share with you how great of a debater I am. I often hone my skills while just walking down the street. If I happen to spot someone with a beard wearing a Phish t-shirt then I immediately step up to him and say something along the lines of: "President Bush is certainly the greatest American ever to have lived, wouldn't you agree?" This statement never fails to agitate an unwashed hippie.

Our conversation always ends with this hippie walking away with his tail between his legs and me cleverly shouting: "Maybe if you didn't smoke so much pot you could at least lose a debate while making a coherent argument." Idiot liberals.

So what's the secret to my incredible rhetorical prowess? A true answer to that question could fill an entire book. While I can't reveal all of my secrets for making liberals feel like the idiots they are, I will share one of my more powerful techniques: the use of a hyperbolic anecdote.

This technique will work in almost any argument. The trick is to use an invented story that emphasizes failure or abuse of a liberal idea/program or the successes of a conservative idea/program.

Here's a prime example of what you could say when arguing against abortion:

Did you hear that news story about those two women who had an abortion contest. It's true. Two women in New York had a contest to see who could get pregnant and then have the most abortions in a 6 month period. I'm serious. Do you know what the "winner" of this contest got? A hamburger at McDonalds. Absolutely reprehensible, and that's why abortions should be illegal in all cases.

Is the preceding story true? Not to my knowledge. What really matters though is that this can be used to imply that such abuse is so common as to make abortion indefensible even for a liberal.

Use this trick as often as possible, Brian, it should serve you well. Remember even though you're making up a story that never happened, be sure to mention to your roommate that it was featured in dozens of newspapers. This it plays on a key weakness of liberals. They never like to admit that they may be uninformed about a story featured in the newspapers.

Send your own moral queries to: The Moral Mailbox.