Monday, June 13, 2005

Moral Mailbox: Arguing With a Liberal

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

Here's the Moral Mailbox question of the week:
I'm a lifelong republican and my roommate is a democrat. I always end up feeling stupid in political arguments because he knows more about current events. Are there any tips you can give me to help me make my points? -Brian

First, Brian, let me share with you how great of a debater I am. I often hone my skills while just walking down the street. If I happen to spot someone with a beard wearing a Phish t-shirt then I immediately step up to him and say something along the lines of: "President Bush is certainly the greatest American ever to have lived, wouldn't you agree?" This statement never fails to agitate an unwashed hippie.

Our conversation always ends with this hippie walking away with his tail between his legs and me cleverly shouting: "Maybe if you didn't smoke so much pot you could at least lose a debate while making a coherent argument." Idiot liberals.

So what's the secret to my incredible rhetorical prowess? A true answer to that question could fill an entire book. While I can't reveal all of my secrets for making liberals feel like the idiots they are, I will share one of my more powerful techniques: the use of a hyperbolic anecdote.

This technique will work in almost any argument. The trick is to use an invented story that emphasizes failure or abuse of a liberal idea/program or the successes of a conservative idea/program.

Here's a prime example of what you could say when arguing against abortion:
Did you hear that news story about those two women who had an abortion contest. It's true. Two women in New York had a contest to see who could get pregnant and then have the most abortions in a 6 month period. I'm serious. Do you know what the "winner" of this contest got? A hamburger at McDonalds. Absolutely reprehensible, and that's why abortions should be illegal in all cases.

Is the preceding story true? Not to my knowledge. What really matters though is that this can be used to imply that such abuse is so common as to make abortion indefensible even for a liberal.

Use this trick as often as possible, Brian, it should serve you well. Remember even though you're making up a story that never happened, be sure to mention to your roommate that it was featured in dozens of newspapers. This it plays on a key weakness of liberals. They never like to admit that they may be uninformed about a story featured in the newspapers.

Send your own moral queries to: The Moral Mailbox.

14 Comments:

At June 13, 2005 2:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So you're calling liberals uninformed, stupid & igorant? If that's the case, then conservatives have been nothing but liars, hypocrites and theives!

 
At June 13, 2005 2:17 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

anonymous,
I most certainly did not call you igorant. In fact I don't even know what the word igorant means. Must be some sort of hippie East Coast liberal slang.

 
At June 14, 2005 2:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just because y'all think that liberals are ignorant, doesn't mean that conservatives aren't liars, thieves and hypocrites raping the country for their own selfish gain.

 
At June 15, 2005 2:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why does anonymous (no relation) hate freedom so much?

 
At June 15, 2005 11:46 AM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

Good question, why do liberals hate freedom? That seems like something I should explore. I think I might make your question the moral mailbox question for next week.

 
At June 17, 2005 5:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michael - some other things all liberals hate:
- good
- love of values
- hatred of evil
- Christian love of those who are evil
Hope this helps.

 
At June 17, 2005 11:33 AM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

anonymous,
Don't worry, next week I will devote time to a thorough investigation of who liberals truly are.

Tactically, it is important for us to understand our enemy, so that we can better know their weaknesses.

 
At June 23, 2005 4:50 PM, Anonymous Kenny said...

Once the medical establishment maps the genetic code and determines what DNA makes liberals and fags we'll be able to develop a test for pregnant woman. Only then will we allow abortion to be legalized again. Scene: A doctor picks up a phone, "Sorry, ma'am, it appears your fetus is a bleeding heart... no, ma'am, it's heart appears to be fine... I was speaking figuratively, it is a liberal... that is a derogatory political characterization... when can we schedule you for your mandatory abortion? We don't want any of those walking around again!" (Chromo sounds like homo...!)

 
At June 23, 2005 6:40 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

kenny: I cannot advocate killing a fetal child under any circumstance.

Once this gay liberal child is born though we can hope to make his life completely unbearable through social ridicule.

 
At October 07, 2008 12:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do I argue with an German citizen who say to you..."Americans are guilty of going to Iraq & killing millions of civillians for a war over MONEY & POWER"! Grrrr! I've tried & tried to make him 'see the light' I finally asked him if he had state run t.v.?? Couldn't think of anything else to come up with. He's my step Bro. Half German/American & thank god he didnt register to vote in time!

 
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