Monday, August 29, 2005

God Hates Fred Phelps!

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

I read a news story yesterday about Fred Phelps, the founder of the Westburo Baptist Church. For those of you unfamiliar with him, he is a man that is not shy about his hatred of homosexuals and even created the website GodHatesFags.com. This news story describes a protest that Fred organized and that many felt went a little too far. He and other members of his church picketed outside the funeral of two soldiers holding up signs that read "God Hate Fags" and "God Hates You." Phelps claimed that these solider were killed in Iraq as a punishment from God because America harbors homosexuals.

Now, many of my regular readers know that I'm hardly a supporter of "gay rights" or "gays," so it might seem logical for me to applaud this man's actions, but I won't. Instead I'll explain how Fred Phelps is more damaging to the anti-gay cause than an all day marathon of Queer Eye.

If Fred knew anything, he'd understand that he's suposed to take the position that God hates the sin not the sinner. In this way, he could appeal to all the "God hates fags" types without scaring away the "I really don't like the idea of two guys with moustaches fornicating in leather S&M gear" types. We need both groups to win anti-gay voter initiatives, so it's damaging to be so obviously anti-gay, Fred.

Also, it's people like Fred Phelps who limit the donations that groups like Dr. James Dobson's Focus on the Family can get from righteous Christians who dislike gay people. He hurts the rest of us because he's too stupid to know how to effectively frame his own disgust with homosexuality. Simply put, he's hurting the cause he claims to support.

Listen, I'm sure if Fred Phelps, Dr. Dobson and I all sat down at a table we'd find a lot we could agree on. I mean we all understand what James Dobson meant when he spoke out against the Texas sodomy case. When he says that he doesn't want homosexuals to have the right to have sex because it will destroy the family we catch his drift. He didn't come out and say, "I don't want homosexuals to have sex because they're gross and I hate fags." Dr. Dobson is much too smart for that.

Which is more than I can say for you, Fred, you giant screw up. You're foolishly apparent in your zealotry, Phelps, and God hates you for that, almost as much as he hates... wait, I won't say it, because I'm not as big of an idiot as you are, Fred.

See Also:
Westburo Baptist Church (Wikipedia)

31 Comments:

At August 29, 2005 12:53 AM, Blogger Christopher Trottier said...

I think Fred Phelps doesn't hate gays. In fact, I think Mr. Phelps loves gays. Gays made his career.

 
At August 29, 2005 3:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Steele, how dare you! I thought we were buddies! You can say goodbye to that Dinner invitation for thursday night!

 
At August 29, 2005 10:39 AM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

christopher trottier: Oh, I get it, you're alluding to the rumor that Phelps himself is gay. Well, that is a complete falsehood. It is as ridiculous as the persistent rumor that Dr. James Dobson is gay

"fred phelps:" I don't befriend idiots.

 
At August 29, 2005 11:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for clearing hat up for me Mr. Steele. I don't know what came over me when I considerd joining his Church. You are of course 100% right, I should support a group that hates the sin, not the sinner. It's just those hedonistic homosexuals disgust me so much. Just tihnkng about their sin makes me physically ill. I will now be joining my local Evangelical Chirstian Church, and continue to attend anti-gay rallies.

I actually feel somewhat sorry for the homosexuals though, as they are quite obviously mentally disturbed.

Which brings me to my next question. New Orleans has a large homosexual community, and even worse, a French Corner. Do you think that God sent hurricane Katerina to destroy those evil God-less heathens?

 
At August 29, 2005 1:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Our cause is the right one, but men like Phelps can lead it the wrong way. This commentary should be spread far and wide-people need to know that Conservatives who love Jesus do not align themselves with Fred Phelps.

 
At August 29, 2005 2:03 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

giovanni: Yes, I understand your disgust with having to even think about the sinful behavior that others are engaging in.

You of course can still attend your anti-gay rallies, but they have to make sure these rallies are "To save the family." This is simply a euphemism for "let's stop those gays." The difference is that the public perception of such events is much more positive.

conservative patriot: Indeed. It's not that we disagree with him, per se, but more that we have enough common sense not to throw the "fag" word around.

 
At August 29, 2005 5:12 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

meems: Why waste your "prays" on someone as undeserving as Phelps, instead why don't you pray for the success of this blog.

 
At August 29, 2005 5:54 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

Amen. Lord bless this blog.

 
At August 29, 2005 6:03 PM, Blogger Bushcheney08 said...

Hello again, micheal! I have put a picture into my profile so theres no way anyone can imatate my screenname so dont worry its me.

Once again I find myself agreeing to your posts 100%, and it is a very good post i might add.

 
At August 29, 2005 9:55 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

kirk: Your loyalty is appreciated as always.

bushcheney08: I'm glad to see you're back and even more mysterious than ever. All of my readers are no doubt asking themselves who is that shadowy figure behind the question mark.

Now allow me to answer your question with another question: What are you talking about?

 
At August 29, 2005 10:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the owner of this blog: This is satire and you know it. I command you to tell the truth to your readers - that your a liberal that wants to mock the religious right. Stop it, your scaring away the possible future followers, I have the evidence to prove it if you dont.

 
At August 30, 2005 12:34 AM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

anonymous: Clearly you know that there's nothing that strikes fear into my heart more than a vague threat from an anonymous commenter. I haven't stopped shaking since reading it. I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep tonight.

 
At August 30, 2005 2:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're so right. As good as it feels to hear Fred spout out that Old Time Religion, we've got to focus on attracting mainstream and moderate voters. Not everybody is ready for the unadulterated truth as Fred tells it; we have to convert the public incrementally.

But in your heart you know he's right.

 
At August 30, 2005 6:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

God Bless You Michael Gregory Steele.

I pray for this blog twice a day.

 
At August 30, 2005 7:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"All fags must die!!!!"

Damn it!! I didn't mean that it just comes out that way.

What I ment to say was

"All fags must die!!!"

Crap, there it goes again...OK...one more time

"All fags.....awe...fuget it! I'm to programmed by Fred to change my ways!"

What should I do Michael?

 
At August 30, 2005 1:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey! Who stole my picture! This isn't funny you guys!

Why do you always have to pick on me just because I'm stoopid?

Anyway, until I get this picture thing straightened out, you will know it's me if I post with or without a picture. Anything else and it's an impostor!

 
At August 30, 2005 2:07 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

tom harper: shhhh... not so loud.

giovanni: Your prayers are appreciated, although I'm sure you could easily bring that up to at least 3 times a day.

 
At August 30, 2005 2:13 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

the bastard: Simple, don't talk. Just show up to those anti-gay ralies, but for the love of God, do not talk about how you feel.

Listen, you'll probably be provided with signs that say something a little more... nuanced. If you can't join in the "pro-family" chants with the rest of group just try moving you lips.

 
At August 30, 2005 2:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I said I only prayed twice a day for your blog Mr. Steele I meant specific prayers lasting 1 hour each in duration. I of course pray for this blog countless times for shorter durations. However if I were to devote any more hour long prayers to this blog I would have to give up other Christian activities, like helping to organize/attend pro-family rallies against the God-less hedonists, crusading against the satani worshipping liberals, and of course attempting to save as many people as possible.

God Bless this Blog. I sincerely wish I had more time to devote towards praying for it's (and yours and Hermans) continued well being.

Heterosexually yours,

Giovanni

 
At August 30, 2005 3:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. steele I have discovered the secret to eternal bliss, self administered oral gratification!!!!

 
At August 30, 2005 4:28 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

bushcheney08: I'm assuming the anonymous person inquiring about "self administered oral gratification" is that "friend" you were referring to.

Well, I'm a little too disgusted by the visual to talk to him directly, so tell him to keep his bedroom gymnastics to himself.

 
At December 06, 2006 6:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are all unworthy of the Lord's Grace. You strain at a gnat and swallow a camel. You hypocrites! You speak to the letter of the Law but not to Spirit. Beware, lest my Father blot thee out from the Book of Life!

Sincerely Yours,
Jesus H. Christ

 
At January 13, 2007 2:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is no GOD, when you die, you die. When Fred dies, the world won't care, just another death. I hate Fred Phelps, cause he doesn't mind his own business. Fred is GAY, he was caught buttering himself.

 
At September 28, 2007 6:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

God hates bigots.

If you are anti-gay, you are a bigot, and God hates you.

That's a fact.

 
At March 30, 2008 11:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

bunch of right wing, consrvaive bible bashers, u need to get your own cocks out of your asses. Your are the main reason why your country is so fucked up. I feel sorry for the rest of the ppl in america, that actually have a fucken brain, get out while u can!

 
At April 24, 2008 9:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fred Phelps can got to hell himself. I love fighting with those protesters in topeka me and my friends stand on the other side of the street and hold up "GOD HATES FRED PHELPS" signs, and watch their reaction. If anyone would like to join my protest make a sign and join us. Im sure will get a kick out of it i know i do.=p

 
At July 25, 2008 12:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

TO HELL WITH YOUR NOSE PICKINGS

 
At July 25, 2008 12:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

AND GOD WAS ALL LIKE, "I FARTED :$"

 
At July 25, 2008 12:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Toenails

 
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