If Kerry Had Won (Part II)

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

Note: If you missed Part I, read that first. Now for the thrilling conclusion of...

If Kerry Had Won

At the Texas Nation Guard air force base, Donald Rumsfeld is reduced to cleaning fighter planes on the runway. It's been a tough year for the former Secretary of Defense, but I guess it's been a tough year for all Americans.

Rumsfeld squints as he sees a masculine silhouette in the distance. "Who's there?" he shouts. "It's me, Rummy, and I'm back to finish the War of Terror," Bush answers as he comes clearly into view.

Bush!! I've heard all kinds of rumors. Nobody has heard from you since the election. People said you became a recluse, and started hitting the bottle again. What happened to you?
None of that matters now, because I'm back to finish this once and for all.
I knew you couldn't stay away, Bush, you never could
Where's my jet?
She's all gassed up and ready to go just like you left her.
Good, because I've got some bringing it on to do.
Are you sure you're up for this, Mr. President? You've been gone for quite a while.
Of course I am, Rumsfeld, I got the coordinates for the terrorists' hideout in Washington D.C., and I'm going to take them all out myself.
There's no way you can do that alone – It'll be a suicide mission.
That's the only kind of mission I'll do.
You're just as bravely defiant as you've always been. America has missed you, sir.

Bush hops into his jet and positions himself in the cockpit for takeoff. "Don't wait up, Rummy, I'm not coming back until I personally kill every last one of those fiends." Bush eases his way off the runway and takes off masterfully. "It's time to smoke some terrorists out of their holes." He quips as he flies off into the cool night.

Bush arrives at the terrorists' lair and lands his plane directly on top of three guards. He jumps out ready for action. He handles the remaining guards with stealth and fighting moves learned from his extensive military training. He eventually works his way to the central meeting room of this evil hideout, but not before leaving a pile of badly beaten Islamic extremists in his wake.

Bush kicks down the door to this meeting room and is met with an unbelievable sight once the dust has cleared. Staring directly at him is the mysterious terrorist leader who was responsible for the attacks. This time though his face is not obscured, he is now recognized as none other than Osama bin Laden. This henious monster turns his head and continues to talk with President John Kerry who urinated down his leg the second he heard the loud bang of that door coming down.

"I'm here to stop you, Osama, from destroying this country" Bush shouts. "I think not! Your weak and craven President has already signed away your country to me. There is nothing left to save." bin Laden says as he lets out a deep sinister laugh.

Kerry looks sheepishly at Bush and explains "I tried everything to negotiate with them, but this is the only way."

"I won't let this stand, I've liberated countries before and I will once again liberate America"
Bush slaps Kerry across the face and Kerry lets out an effeminate scream before falling to the floor. Bush turns to Osama and looks him directly in his beady eyes. "This isn't over yet, Osama, I'll be back to reclaim my country. You can count on it."

Bush marches out of there determined to build and lead an army to defeat this new insurgent threat. Will he succeed? With God on his side he's sure he can win, but says aloud "If only the American people had voted for me this wouldn't have happened, they may have turned their back on me, but I can never turn my back on America." If Kerry hadn't won, our very freedom wouldn't be on the line, but at least things are a little more hopeful now that Bush is here to once again save America.

The End?