Friday, September 23, 2005

Rick Santorum, Political Fighter

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes


After a week of us extolling the many virtues of Rick Santorum, you're probably now saying to yourself, "Rick Santorum has done so much for me, what can I do to help him?" Well, I'm glad you asked. You see, the man who has carried so many of our hopes and dreams upon his broad muscular shoulders now needs our help more than ever.

For you see, the senator is up for reelection in 2006, and let's just say that things look bleak for the holiest man in the Senate.

Current polls show that Santorum is trailing his biggest Democratic challenger, Bob Casey, 49–35. But there's some seemingly good news on the fundraising front:
Santorum has said he expects to raise $25 million for the campaign. Between April and June, he raised $3.6 million and reported $5.7 million cash on hand. Casey reported raising $1.9 million in the period, and had $1.6 million cash on hand.
So Santorum has raised more money than Casey in this campaign. This is a good thing, right? Wrong!

Let me explain something to you something about political races and how the media covers them. Reporters aren't really interested in reporting about the particular positions of the candidates. That's boring. It's not about debating the merits of policy, but about creating a captivating storyline to help sell newspapers. With the way things stand, a story is starting to unfold in this campaign -- it's Casey the scrappy underdog vs. Santorum the powerful incumbent. It's a classic David and Goliath story only this time Goliath is the good guy.

All of this brings me to how you, as a Santorum supporter, can help. The only way to get Pennsylvanians to start routing for Santorum again is to make sure that Casey raises more money. When this happens, Santorum will be recast as the tenacious underdog fighting for his political life. Just when you thought Rick was down for the count, he stages a miraculous comeback. He's on the ropes, and he's taking a pummeling, but wait what's this... Santorum, the man who everyone counted out, wins the election.

So if you care about Santorum at all, you'll go to Bob Casey's site and contribute what you can to his campaign. It's exactly how every single Rocky movie has played out, and it's exactly how this election will be won. Help send Rick Santorum, the other Italian stallion, back to the Senate in 2006 by donating generously to Bob Casey's campaign.

11 Comments:

At September 23, 2005 3:15 PM, Blogger M.R. said...

M.G.S. - I knew it wouldn't take long until you put up a photo of a shirtless Santorum. You just couldn't help yourself could you?

 
At September 23, 2005 3:41 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

m.r.: Photoshoping Rick Santorum's head on Rocky's body makes sense to anyone who read this post. Maybe you can have someone help sound out those big words you skipped and then you'll understand why I chose to make this picture.

Also, you've just latched on to this ridiculous idea that I'm a repressed homosexual and you just won't let go. I admit I'm guilty of latching on to the idea that you're a complete idiot, but at least that notion is supported by everything you have said.

 
At September 23, 2005 4:20 PM, Blogger M.R. said...

Hey Mikey, latch on to this; Nothing you write makes sense to anyone with healthy brain cells. Your target audience consists mainly of obtuse blowhards such as yourself and the occasional circus freak.

 
At September 24, 2005 2:13 AM, Blogger Kirk said...

Yes, this does make perfect sense. I think you will be the next Karl Rove, only 100 times more righteous and that's saying something given how saintly Mr. Rove is.

 
At September 24, 2005 3:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, I couldn't agree more! By giving Casey money, we can make Rick the beleagured underdog who will certainly rise again in triumph, which will encourage more of the Righteous among us to step forward! Brilliant strategy.

 
At September 25, 2005 12:58 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

phantom: yikes, I'm glad you don't know where I live.

kirk: God has already written all I need to know about political policy and postions -- this guide is of course, the Bible. So, without having to devote countless hours thinking about and debating issues, I can simply concentrate on tractics. I consider myself a student of Rove, but the student has surpassed the teacher.

 
At September 25, 2005 1:00 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

conservative patriot: Yes, I have to agree it's probably one of my more brilliant ideas. My shrewd political mind will no doubt come in handly when I myself am running for office.

 
At September 26, 2005 2:21 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

wichitajack: Well put. In fact the only person I've seen say anything more moronic than this phantom character, is a pathetic little pseudo-conservative with the handle "bushcheney08." Luckily that pre-pubescent clown has moved on to other things.

 
At September 27, 2005 4:56 PM, Blogger Fran / Blue Gal said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At September 27, 2005 5:03 PM, Blogger Fran / Blue Gal said...

MGS, did you notice that that liberal Casey is actually using videos of Rick Santorum interviews on the elect Casey website to further his own cause? Now won't that just bring even more outraged voters to the fore? I smell backlash!

 
At September 27, 2005 6:38 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

blue gal: I did in fact notice this, Casey is an absolute fool.

Another blog takes this foolish tact as well: Santorum Exposed. I think they both parties need to rethink their strategy. I mean honestly, the more I see of Santorum the more I respect the man. I know most (true) Americans feel the same way.

 

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