Hurricane Katrina, a Biblical Perspective

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

We are all undoubtedly shocked by the catastrophic loss of human life that has come from Hurricane Katrina. Often when an event so incomprehensibly tragic occurs, we seek a religious explanation. Why did this happen and what is God trying to tell us? The answer to this should be quite clear to anyone who has read any of the Old Testament -- God is punishing us for something.

This answer naturally leads to another question -- Why is God so unbelievably angry? I will explore some possible reasons below.

1. The War in Iraq
Perhaps the Almighty is angered by the war in Iraq. Maybe it is the continued bloodshed in the streets of Baghdad that causes Him to shake with fury. Certainly the Lord, as omniscient as he is, has read the most recent draft of the Iraqi constitution. We all know He is not a big fan of religious competition so perhaps he is less than pleased with it. I can think of little that would perturb the Lord more than us helping to establish a nation based on Islamic fundamentalism instead of Christianity. "One Nation Strictly Under Allah" doesn't seem to mesh well with "Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Before Me."

This reason would make sense except for one tiny fact; the last time I checked God fully supports the War on Terror. Since there's no doubt Iraq is a critical part of the War on Terror, let's move on to the next possibility.

2. The Plight of the Poor
There seems to be a lot in the Bible about helping the poor. Maybe you've run across verses like this while leafing through the Good Book:

If there is a poor man among you, one of your brothers, in any of the towns of the land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart, nor close your hand to your poor brother; but you shall freely open your hand to him, and generously lend him sufficient for his need in whatever he lacks. (Deut 15:7)

Clearly we must ensure that the poor are cared for in this country. What does this entail though? financial assistance? healthcare? job training? Absolutely not, you socialist idiot! If there's one thing that upsets Jesus more than those who won't help the poor it's those who don't believe in the absolute sanctity of a free market economy.

Anyway, you should remember the following:
Blessed are you who are poor, for yours in the kingdom of God. (Luke 6:20-21)

If you help the poor too much then they will have to forfeit the kingdom of God -- that and they'll end up becoming complacent and lazy. So I can say with great certainty that the Lord Almighty is pleased with the tough love of compassionate conservatism. So there remains but one more reason that God could have been angry enough to send Hurricane Katrina.

3. Homosexuality
I've got a good feeling about this one, because if God is anything like me (and we all know He is), then He is constantly enraged thinking about the very existence of homosexuals. Of course New Orleans with its sinfully gay "Southern Decadence" celebration would have made God less than pleased. God's rationale could not be clearer. This flooding of New Orleans that will lead to the deaths of tens of thousands of people is a clear message to the homogays of America: Stop being so gay!

My advice to all you godless homosexuals out there is this: remit, repent, and register (as a Republican) and maybe the Lord won't see fit to destroy another city because of your iniquitous behavior.