Monday, September 05, 2005

Hurricane Katrina, a Biblical Perspective

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

We are all undoubtedly shocked by the catastrophic loss of human life that has come from Hurricane Katrina. Often when an event so incomprehensibly tragic occurs, we seek a religious explanation. Why did this happen and what is God trying to tell us? The answer to this should be quite clear to anyone who has read any of the Old Testament -- God is punishing us for something.

This answer naturally leads to another question -- Why is God so unbelievably angry? I will explore some possible reasons below.

1. The War in Iraq
Perhaps the Almighty is angered by the war in Iraq. Maybe it is the continued bloodshed in the streets of Baghdad that causes Him to shake with fury. Certainly the Lord, as omniscient as he is, has read the most recent draft of the Iraqi constitution. We all know He is not a big fan of religious competition so perhaps he is less than pleased with it. I can think of little that would perturb the Lord more than us helping to establish a nation based on Islamic fundamentalism instead of Christianity. "One Nation Strictly Under Allah" doesn't seem to mesh well with "Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Before Me."

This reason would make sense except for one tiny fact; the last time I checked God fully supports the War on Terror. Since there's no doubt Iraq is a critical part of the War on Terror, let's move on to the next possibility.

2. The Plight of the Poor
There seems to be a lot in the Bible about helping the poor. Maybe you've run across verses like this while leafing through the Good Book:
If there is a poor man among you, one of your brothers, in any of the towns of the land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart, nor close your hand to your poor brother; but you shall freely open your hand to him, and generously lend him sufficient for his need in whatever he lacks. (Deut 15:7)
Clearly we must ensure that the poor are cared for in this country. What does this entail though? financial assistance? healthcare? job training? Absolutely not, you socialist idiot! If there's one thing that upsets Jesus more than those who won't help the poor it's those who don't believe in the absolute sanctity of a free market economy.

Anyway, you should remember the following:
Blessed are you who are poor, for yours in the kingdom of God. (Luke 6:20-21)

If you help the poor too much then they will have to forfeit the kingdom of God -- that and they'll end up becoming complacent and lazy. So I can say with great certainty that the Lord Almighty is pleased with the tough love of compassionate conservatism. So there remains but one more reason that God could have been angry enough to send Hurricane Katrina.

3. Homosexuality
I've got a good feeling about this one, because if God is anything like me (and we all know He is), then He is constantly enraged thinking about the very existence of homosexuals. Of course New Orleans with its sinfully gay "Southern Decadence" celebration would have made God less than pleased. God's rationale could not be clearer. This flooding of New Orleans that will lead to the deaths of tens of thousands of people is a clear message to the homogays of America: Stop being so gay!

My advice to all you godless homosexuals out there is this: remit, repent, and register (as a Republican) and maybe the Lord won't see fit to destroy another city because of your iniquitous behavior.


At September 05, 2005 12:41 PM, Blogger BushCheney08 said...

this is a very good post. I find myself agreeing with you 100% this time. Keep up the good work micheal gregory steele.

At September 05, 2005 3:31 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

bushcheney08: So you agree with me this time. That would imply that you haven't agreed with what I have written previously. Not that I don't appreciate your backhanded compliment, but you have a lot to learn if you still question anything that I write.

At September 05, 2005 3:52 PM, Blogger teletart said...

Mr Steele - I have been following your blog with great interest for some time. Today's post shows just how prescient a leader you are. If I may be so humble as to add two words: intelligent design. Perhaps God is so angry at our inability to spread this truth in our public schools, that he's done some extra designing of his own.

PS. Don't be put off by my screen name. I use 'tart' in its original, unspoiled sense. Meaning a delicious fruit pie.

At September 05, 2005 6:31 PM, Blogger Jane said...

Biting Biting satire. Well done Mr Steele

At September 05, 2005 10:13 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

teletart: Yes, there is little doubt that I am a leader in the truest sense. As for you comment about intelligent design, you are certainly correct about this; although I think we are finally winning this great battle against science.

Also, it's good to see a woman who is humble when addressing me and knows her way around a kitchen well enough to bake a tart. You make me hopeful for a return to those traditional America values that I pray for daily.

At September 06, 2005 1:12 AM, Blogger Edgar K. Aldren said...

These are all excellent points! Maybe they all go together. What are your thoughts on those evil bastards who don't won't us to openly express our love of God? You know those scurvy sons-a-bitches who take the ten commandments out of public display? Maybe they too have awoken Gods wrath! They are all sucking damnation from the ass of Satan! While we glow in the warmth of our Lord.

At September 06, 2005 2:09 AM, Blogger therightchoice05 said...

Well, this is an interesting arguement, and being a Christian I understand where you're coming from. However, I can't say that I agree. You mention that this idea is based on ideas from the Old Testament. That's an important point. In the Old Testament, people lived under the "old covenant," the basic idea was that they had to follow the law to find favor with God. But the New Testament brought the "new covenant" which proclaimed Christ as the substitution. This was the beginning of the new relationship between God and man. While I agree that God will sometimes put us through hardship to bring us closer to him, this Sodom and Gommorah-like idea you propose cannot be correct. I do like your blog though, and I hope you'll check mine out.

At September 06, 2005 6:32 AM, Anonymous Giovanni said...

You've once again hit the nail on the head Mr. Steele. God in HIS infinite wisdom sent this storm to punish those southern homofag sinners.

You do realize sir that Mr. Phelps said the same thing... Perhaps you two can work out an agreement. If he could just tone down the rhetoric he would be an asset to the cause instead of a freakshow for those godless atheist liberals to point at.

At September 06, 2005 10:20 AM, Anonymous Conservative Patriot said...

Very well put, as always, MGS.

It seems to me that the God-fearing citizens of a few of our other coastal cities better start looking for homes in Iowa. If we don't learn our lesson from this disaster, God may well see fit to teach us another one, and I'd hate to see the righteous have to share in the fate of the unbelievers.

At September 06, 2005 12:52 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

I agree with Giovanni. Reverend Phelps is obviously a compassionate yet passionate man that loves his country. There must be a way to convince him to tone down his rhetoric and join forces with more righteous men such as yourselves. We need to form some sort of loose group of conservative Christians to really push our goals forward. Perhaps we could call it the Compassionate Christian Confederacy or CCC for short.

At September 06, 2005 2:06 PM, Blogger WichitaJack said...

therightchoice05: how dare you post here contradicting your betters with your liberal, hippy version of the bible? Do you really believe the nonsense you spout? I can't decide if you just love homosexuals or if you actually are one - although you are going to hell either way.

If you'd like to save your soul, you should try studying the entire bible and not just the parts that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I visited your site and found that you are in cahoots with that liberal popinjay, BushCheney08. Perhaps the two of you are forming a liberal triumvirate of the unGodly with your good buddy Michael Moore.

You make me sick!

At September 06, 2005 2:55 PM, Blogger BushCheney08 said...

this is too hilarious. keep it up you guys.

At September 06, 2005 3:34 PM, Anonymous BushCheney08 said...

Hey! That's not me! That's the fake me!

Don't listen to him! He is stealing my identity!

At September 06, 2005 4:07 PM, Blogger BushCheney08 said...

oh boy. here we go again. I thought whoever's stealing my identity was laying off, but I guess I was wrong.

At September 06, 2005 8:49 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

bushchenies: Not this idiocy again. Whoever is playing these games should stop because they're distracting my readers from the importance of what I'm saying.

At October 09, 2006 4:13 PM, Anonymous Jamie said...

You are a disgusting human being. God should punish ignorant, homophobic jerks like you. You call yourself a religious person who believes in God?!? You are everything God dispises, judgemental and hateful.You are pathetic.

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