Rick Santorum, Man's Man

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

I would be remiss if I didn't talk about one of the greatest contributions Rick Santorum has made to this country -- providing a true role model of masculinity. In a society that has been utterly queerified, Santorum's macho existence is truly a rebellious act against the liberal gay culture. Rick Santorum is a real man's man.

Rick Santorum affirms the traditional notion of what a man should be by railing against homosexuals and their attempt to metrosexualize red blooded Americans completely out of existence. He is truly at the forefront of the anti-gay thought in this country. In fact one of his greatest contributions to political discourse is the brilliant homosexual marriage to bestiality connection.

We've all heard Senator Cornyn's words on this matter:

It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle. But that does not mean it is right. . . . Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife

And then there's the recent quote by Bill O'Reilly:

The secular progressive movement would like to have marriage abolished, in my opinion. They don't want it, because it is not diverse enough. You know, that's what this gay marriage thing is all about. But now, you know, the poly-amorphous marriage, whatever they call it, you can marry 18 people, you can marry a duck..

But these two quotes are merely pale imitations of words spoken by perhaps the straightest man this world has ever seen, Rick Santorum:

In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be.

Just think without Rick's original statement we would be deprived of "homosexual sex is like man on [insert animal] sex" statements. It's hard to imagine what the marriage debate would look like without the contributions of Rick Santorum.

You've given us all so much, Senator Santorum. We all admire your upstanding character, your moral genius, but most of all we simply appreciate having a Senator that isn't afraid to proudly display his supreme virility. I salute you, Senator Santorum -- one man's man to another.