Monday, September 19, 2005

National Santorum Awareness Week

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes








I have a confession to make, dear readers; last week has found me less than pleased with President Bush. I along with countless other conservatives defended his response to Katrina only to have him ultimately accept responsibility. He made us all look like a bunch of fools. But I'm not going to sit here and write some scathing post about him. No, I'll leave that task to the unemployed hippies that always blame Bush for things they should blame themselves for. I know I can't stay mad at Bush for long, and I don't want to say something in the heat of the moment that I'll later regret. So, I've decided to instead focus on a man who is an inspiration to every true American.

I wanted to spend this week talking about the one man who has never disappointed me and has never wavered from the righteous cause of social conservatism. I am of course talking about a man that loves the unborn and despises homosexuals almost as much as Jesus himself did. A man of unmatched character and conviction, Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum.

You know, we have so many months and weeks devoted to "cultural awareness" (Black History Month), and diseases or conditions that I don't care about (September is after all National Menopause Awareness Month). You'd think with all this nonsense that we could spare just one week on the calendar for Santorum.

So I will personally devote this, the third full week of September, to talking about Rick and his philosophy. I will discuss sections of his book (It Takes a Family) and talk about his upcoming election. I can think of nobody more deserving of this honor, and people need to be made aware of the intellectual and spiritual greatness of Rick. It will also give everyone the opportunity to ask themselves the question: "Do I measure up to high standards set by Rick Santorum?" I know I do, but I'm not so sure about you.

So, in honor of Rick's undeniable greatness, I hereby declare this week to be National Santorum Awareness Week.

But wait, I can already hear grumblings from the idiot liberals reading this. "You don't have the authority to claim this week for Santorum," these dreadlocked fools cry out in their whiney obnoxious voices. Only people that hate Rick Santorum would object to dedicating this week to him. These people are homosexuals, single mothers, and abortionists -- hardly the kinds of people I would accept criticism from.

Tell everyone you know, because people need to be made aware of Santorum's greatness. This is National Santorum Awareness Week!

9 Comments:

At September 19, 2005 5:21 PM, Blogger M.R. said...

M.G.S. - I propose a National Michael Gregory Steele Awareness Week in honor of your unwavering dedication to republican conservatism. Of course it should be celebrated in conjunction with National Sanctimonious Boor Week.

 
At September 19, 2005 6:15 PM, Blogger Fran / Blue Gal said...

OMG! And I don't mean that in the sacriligious hippie way either. Blue Gal posted about Mr. Santorum BEFORE she heard about your wise pronouncement. Glad to be a part of any concern of Conservatives for American Values. Keep up the good work for God and America (same thing).

 
At September 19, 2005 8:11 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

m.r.: Sanctimonious Boor Week, eh? Sadly, I think that's the most clever thing you've come up with. I'd tell you to keep trying, but I don't have much hope that you'll accidentally stumble across something witty to say.

blue gal: That's great. Talking about Rick Santorum isn't something that should be limited to one week in September. I know it's trite, but I really do hope that every week can be Santorum week.

 
At September 19, 2005 9:49 PM, Blogger M.R. said...

M.G.S. - How's National Insipid Fascist Blowhard Week for witty?

 
At September 19, 2005 9:55 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

This is a great idea! I bet those anti-hetros in San Francisco will be awfully sore about the Santorum week celebration. Too bad for them. Once we get this rolling, Santorum will be everywhere!

 
At September 20, 2005 3:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ooooooooo, this is a splendid idea. I'm going out into the trailor park right now to let everyone know. Break out the six pack boys, getting jobs will have to wait 'til next week! Unless of course you are willing to declare next week Senator Frist week?

 
At September 20, 2005 3:01 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

kirk: Yes, this is just a start. Once everyone is made more aware of just how great Santorum is, I'm certain that more people will accept his teachings.

I just hope someday we can see Santorum in the face of every man, woman and child.

 
At September 20, 2005 3:05 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

the bastard: A week dedicated to Bill Frist? Are you high?!?

I'm tired of being yanked around by that bozo. "We can't kill Terri Shiavo"... "We have to do more stem cell research"... "I believe in intelligent design." I'm personally fed up with him.

This man is so inconsistent he might as well be John Kerry.

 
At August 18, 2007 4:59 AM, Blogger John Sawyer said...

MGS says: "I just hope someday we can see Santorum in the face of every man, woman and child."

I for one hope that Mr. Santorum goes forth and multiplies even more (he's had seven children already), and maybe one day we will literally be able to see him in the face of every man, woman and child.

 

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