National Santorum Awareness Week

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

I have a confession to make, dear readers; last week has found me less than pleased with President Bush. I along with countless other conservatives defended his response to Katrina only to have him ultimately accept responsibility. He made us all look like a bunch of fools. But I'm not going to sit here and write some scathing post about him. No, I'll leave that task to the unemployed hippies that always blame Bush for things they should blame themselves for. I know I can't stay mad at Bush for long, and I don't want to say something in the heat of the moment that I'll later regret. So, I've decided to instead focus on a man who is an inspiration to every true American.

I wanted to spend this week talking about the one man who has never disappointed me and has never wavered from the righteous cause of social conservatism. I am of course talking about a man that loves the unborn and despises homosexuals almost as much as Jesus himself did. A man of unmatched character and conviction, Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum.

You know, we have so many months and weeks devoted to "cultural awareness" (Black History Month), and diseases or conditions that I don't care about (September is after all National Menopause Awareness Month). You'd think with all this nonsense that we could spare just one week on the calendar for Santorum.

So I will personally devote this, the third full week of September, to talking about Rick and his philosophy. I will discuss sections of his book (It Takes a Family) and talk about his upcoming election. I can think of nobody more deserving of this honor, and people need to be made aware of the intellectual and spiritual greatness of Rick. It will also give everyone the opportunity to ask themselves the question: "Do I measure up to high standards set by Rick Santorum?" I know I do, but I'm not so sure about you.

So, in honor of Rick's undeniable greatness, I hereby declare this week to be National Santorum Awareness Week.

But wait, I can already hear grumblings from the idiot liberals reading this. "You don't have the authority to claim this week for Santorum," these dreadlocked fools cry out in their whiney obnoxious voices. Only people that hate Rick Santorum would object to dedicating this week to him. These people are homosexuals, single mothers, and abortionists -- hardly the kinds of people I would accept criticism from.

Tell everyone you know, because people need to be made aware of Santorum's greatness. This is National Santorum Awareness Week!