Arnold's Comeback

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

It was truly something to behold when California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger ran in the 2003 recall election. He won the hearts of voters and got himself elected on a platform of fiscal conservatism and movie catchphrases. Jay Leno's audience cheered as Arnold directed an "hasta la vista, baby" at embattled former govenor Gray Davis. The rest, as they say, is history.

Well, there isn't much applause for the Republican govenor these days. With an approval rating at about 36%, he's in serious need of a bump. In an effort to appeal to social conservatives like myself, Arnold has promised to veto a gay marriage bill that was passed by the state legislature.

He said that allowing this bill to pass would conflict with the will of the people. He's right too, because California passed a voter initiative 5 years ago that prevents California from recognizing gay marriages from other states or countries. I ask you, is it better to allow elected officials to make these decisions or should such weighty matters be determined by the ability of Christian groups to mobilize voters for an initiative. It is certainly the later.

But Arnold needs to do more than please Christian Conservatives to keep his job. So I offer to him the following catchphrases that he can use when talking about his principled veto. Hopefully he will be able win over the hearts of the voters once again.

• Sorry, homosexuals, but you've just been Godomized!
• I like my fights mano a mano and my marriages man sans man.
• Queer the way for Governor Arnold, homo destroyer.
• I've been sent from the future to protect marriage.
• Don't be such a girlie man... or at very least don't attempt to marry another girlie man.
• If it breeds we can marry it.
• You homos need to spend more time "pumping up" and less time "pumping guys in the butt."
  

I truly hope Gov. Schwarzenegger sees fit to use one of my catchphrases. I am very heartened to see this self-described moderate trying to put himself on the path of righteousness. I just hope he follows my sage advice. If he follows up this veto with the right catchphrase, this could be the political comeback Arnold has been looking for.