Thursday, September 29, 2005

Get A Clue, Liberals!

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

When I think about the liberals of this country I'm reminded of a former acquaintance of mine, Charles Bradford. Now, Charles is by no means a liberal himself; he's actually a life long Republican. No, the reason that Charles is like any American liberal is because he cannot take a hint.

Let me explain.

I ran into this man several weeks ago and he proceeded to engage me in small talk. I find such idle chit-chat completely insufferable, so you can understand my annoyance with this. I have no interest in talking to some dullard about his improved golf game or anything else in his uninteresting and mediocre life. Despite my subtle hints that I wanted to end our conversation, Charles just kept yammering on, "My kid is doing great in soccer this year. Scored two goals last game. Blah Blah Blah."

After I couldn't stand this torturous conversation any longer I simply said, "I don't care!" and walked away. And do you know what Charlie "oblivious moron" Bradford did? That idiot laughed and started following me. He thought I was joking! It was only after I grabbed him by the shoulders, looked him right in the eyes and said, "You are the most boring man I have ever met in my life, and if you ever talk to me again you'll need a new cell phone and the name of a good proctologist!" He finally got the hint after I explained to him that the implication was that I would forcibly insert his cell phone into his rectum.

And you know what? You liberals are just as clueless as Charles.

To see why, you need to look no further than what Alabama state senator Hank Erwin (R) said about the recent hurricanes (hat halo tip: Blue Gal)
"New Orleans and the Mississippi Gulf Coast have always been known for gambling, sin and wickedness. It is the kind of behavior that ultimately brings the judgment of God."
God has sent two -- count them TWO -- hurricanes to let you know he is angered with your godless ways, liberals. I really don't think he could be any clearer about his displeasure with you. You've been given an undeniable sign that the Lord wants you to cease your immoral behavior and what do you do? You simply continue enabling homosexuality, gambling, and general wickedness by supporting the Democrats. For the last time, STOP IT!

I thought His message was pretty clear. But apparently two devastating hurricanes is much too subtle for most liberals. Well, my advice to all of you liberal dolts is to ask around for the name of a good proctologist. Why? Because the Lord is going to get through to you idiots one way or another.

22 Comments:

At September 29, 2005 5:43 PM, Blogger M.R. said...

M.G.S. - Once again you prove how well you adhere to conservative republican principles. First,you alienated a potential ally by being a rude, elitist jackhole. Secondly, you threaten the poor schmuck with anal penetration. Aren't you Republicans through screwing everybody yet? Though in your case I fully understand it's simply a lifestyle choice.

 
At September 29, 2005 11:08 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

M.R.: Very subtle. I see you try to link Michael's comments with homosexuality… yet again. Apparently you don't understand that the techniques Michael uses are approved by God and our military. Michael is not suggesting anything different from what some of our most Christian soldiers have down to protect their country from the terrorists held in Abu Ghraib.

 
At September 30, 2005 1:02 AM, Blogger M.R. said...

Kirk - Nothing like a little sexual assualt to teach the bad guys who's boss eh? Your christian soldiers need to be neutered.

 
At September 30, 2005 2:24 AM, Blogger Kirk said...

m.r.: It doesn't surprise me that you side with the terrorists.

 
At September 30, 2005 2:44 AM, Blogger The Phantom of The Opera said...

Mgs: I had a little encounter with a liberal just like this, actually. Except instead of forcing an object into his rectum, I tore out his rectum, along with his intestines with a fork. Then they placed me in this big yellow furry room, where I can telepathically blog all day. How I do this, I do not know.

 
At September 30, 2005 12:21 PM, Blogger M.R. said...

Kirk - It doesn't surprise me that you're a flaming simpleton.

 
At September 30, 2005 6:41 PM, Anonymous m.r. said...

hey everybody, I want to apologize for being such a tool. I always become a complete asshat when I run out of mydol, but I'm better now.

I love you guys. A lot.

 
At September 30, 2005 6:42 PM, Anonymous m.r. said...

hey what happened to my picture?

 
At September 30, 2005 8:02 PM, Anonymous Conservative Patriot said...

Amen, Michael, Amen! Look at how many times the LORD has tried to let these liberal hedonists know He has HAD IT!!!!!

-AIDS
-Herpes
-Hurricanes
-Tori Spelling

The cluelessness of liberals, and liberalism in general, makes me wonder if there is any hope left gfor any of them.

 
At September 30, 2005 8:35 PM, Blogger bkwrd_dog said...

m.r.'s picture was helping me reach my fitness goals. Skeletal thin is en vogue and I'd really like to see it displayed again.

I am doing a hunger strike until it's back. When I'm fat as hell you'll all be sorry.

 
At September 30, 2005 9:25 PM, Blogger M.R. said...

Let it be clearly understood that I don't take kindly to having my privacy violated. The sniggering pantywaste using my screen name needs to grow a pair of balls and say what he needs to say under his own name. I understand it must go against your nature to act like a man but try for once to not be such a spineless little tech-geek assclown, it might help you to one day get a woman you don't have to pay for.

 
At October 02, 2005 2:04 PM, Blogger BushCheney08 said...

amen to that

 
At October 03, 2005 7:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

double amen to that, m.r.!

my screen name has been stolen more than anyone's!

I don't know what kind of extreme techno-voodoo these people use to hack into our accounts, but they should find a more productive outlet for their super cyber powers, like finding Osama or figuring out cold fusion or something.

 
At October 03, 2005 7:36 PM, Anonymous scrote said...

i'm confused. either someone is hacking into m.r.'s account or he ran out of mydol again. either way I like the nice one better.

the other m.r. really is a tool.

 
At October 03, 2005 7:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

m.r., paying for a woman is not so bad. your mother is quite affordable.

 
At October 03, 2005 11:45 PM, Blogger M.R. said...

Scrote & Anonymous - As soon as you two are done sodomizing eachother I'll take the time out of my life to remind you you're both cretins. In the meantime, up yours pinheads.

 
At October 04, 2005 1:00 AM, Blogger M.R. BushCheney08 said...

Can't we all just get along? Hey! That's not funny guys!

 
At October 05, 2005 12:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looks like M.R. ran out of Mydol again. He really should buy in larger quantities.

 
At January 12, 2007 8:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

what are we fighting for.
dont forget the lives our fathers and forfathers fought for to have what we have
we must fight to live
sad but true

 
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