Sunday, July 24, 2005

Get The Door. It's Your Salvation.

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

Despite my upper crust upbringing, I've always enjoyed sinking my teeth into the delicious crust of a Domino's pizza. In the Steele household, every weekend we eat our fill of this sodium loaded cuisine. Pepperoni and mushroom is my absolute favorite.

Now I have another reason to enjoy this food. I now know that Tom Monaghan, the founder of Domino's Pizza, is constructing a Catholic only town. That's right, Monaghan is building a town for Orthodox Catholics that will be free of atheists and liberals. This realization of my utopian fantasy is to be named "Ave Maria".

This will be a town free of pornography, contraceptives, and unbelievers and will be constructed in Florida in conjunction with a Catholic university of the same name. This will be a place that has a church walking distance from every home. Mass will be heard everyday. There will also be no homeless people to trip over on the way to work. The most important part of this town though is that there will be absolutely no liberals.

Just think of it, a town where I can put up a 10 Commandments monument at a bus stop if I'm so inclined; a town where I can shout "I hate Hillary Clinton" without having to explain why; a town where I can be free of the wanton stares of homosexuals; a town where I can freely worship the right God without fear.

This is what America should be.

Ave Marie is a good start, but we need our entire country to be blanketed by such towns. We need more magnates devoting their money to building such holy cities. We need more captains of industry to step up to start planning their own Christian-only towns. America, great as she is, is in serious need of a moral makeover.

I realize that buying a few pizzas won't help Tom Monaghan in his quest to build a better America. I understand that the man sold all of his interest in the company he founded years ago. But it still makes me feel good to buy a pizza from the company this man helped to shape. I try to only do business with right-minded corporations like this.

Well, I really need to wrap this post up now because I can hear the doorbell. It's Domino's. I can almost smell it now, that sweet smell of pepperoni, mushrooms, and salvation.

20 Comments:

At July 24, 2005 10:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm confused. You state that it will be a Catholic only town. Then later you state that it will be free of "homosexual stares". How can there be a church on every corner and mass every day then? Is it possible to have these without priests?

 
At July 24, 2005 10:06 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

anonymous: Educate yourself, you fool.

The dark liberal influence is to blame for the impropriety of some priests. Therefore this would not happen in a town without a liberal influence.

 
At July 24, 2005 10:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You kids must sleep well at night.

 
At July 24, 2005 11:43 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

chronic the hedgehog: I would ask you how someone could be so ignorant to the truth, but your name speaks volumes.

Chronic, to some of my readers who might not be aware, is street slang for marijuania. This is the drug that when smoked leads to liberalism.

 
At July 24, 2005 11:44 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

max t: If I had the slightest idea what you were talking about, I'm sure I'd tell you how much of an idiot you are.

 
At July 24, 2005 11:53 PM, Blogger M.R. said...

M.G.C. – A Catholic-only town sounds like a real winner. I think the name “Repression Row” would be perfect for one of its housing developments. “Hypocrisy Heights” would be pretty good too. Hey, how about “Sodomy Square” for the priest-run daycare facility? “Inquisitor Island” would be a great name for a Catholic-only summer resort don’t you think?

 
At July 25, 2005 5:50 AM, Blogger M.R. said...

Hey Hermie,

Go salute a flag or shoot an endangered animal somewhere you bloated fascist pinhead.

 
At July 25, 2005 1:03 PM, Blogger Bushcheney08 said...

name callings not going to get you anywhere, mr.

 
At July 25, 2005 2:54 PM, Blogger M.R. said...

Hermie -

You're momma's a democrat. Speaking of out-of-cell time, I hear you were G. Gordon Liddy's girlfriend in the joint. Was he gentle?

Bushcheney08 -

Name calling is standard operating rightwing conservative procedure, you mean it only works when you guys do it?

 
At July 25, 2005 4:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Finally a righteous town where individuals like ourselves can worship the correct and only God without having to put up with those hell-bound liberal heathens. Thank you for informing me of this Mr. Steele, you are truly a man of God.
Hopefully the women in this town will be subservient as they should be, however additional precautions should be taken, all televisions should only carry Fox News and all non-biblical books other than those written by Anne Coulter should be destroyed.
Some day this righteousness will spread to a grateful nation.

 
At July 25, 2005 8:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, a Christian-only community. A paradise. I pray that I'll get a chance to live there. To be free of pagans, homosexuals, heathens, liberals -- this is what God intended.

 
At July 25, 2005 11:13 PM, Blogger Bushcheney08 said...

not true. When jesus was asked why he didnt talk with the rich and wealthy and "non sinners" He said "a docter does not heal the wealthy, but the sick". We are here to convert the pagans and homosexuals, not run from them. True that this will be a perfect example of what our world should be, but we can turn it into that kind of world by converting all the godless liberals.

 
At July 26, 2005 12:40 AM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

giovanni: my sentiments exactly. I really can't wait until this country is nothing much Christian only towns. No liberals. Just saying that makes me smile.

kirk: I think if anyone should be ashamed it's you. You let your child read the watered down conservativism of Bill O'Reilly, that borders on child abuse.

 
At July 26, 2005 12:47 AM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

tom harper: I hope for more than just a chance to live in this city for you and all of us. Is it too much to ask that the rest of America look like this blessed city?

BushCheney08: We've given the godless unbelievers enough time to get with the program. Now it's time to build up these holy cities and leave the liberals outside the gate.

 
At July 26, 2005 10:03 AM, Blogger Silas said...

Dear Sir. Were you not once one of these sinners you loath? If I could ask you a question, what if all of the Christians were to board themselves up in their houses and live their lives without being what should be a witness to the world of the freedom and grace found in Jesus? God commands us to go forth and teach all nations even if it means giving up our lives. How and why should we complain when we live in a world of sin, when as Paul says that he was once the greatest of sinners? You sir, even if you are a Christian are still a human being with a sin nature. When ever I see a sinner, I see someone in need of a savior. Not someone I should run away from and build a “Safe sinless village” for myself.

 
At July 26, 2005 10:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Indeed, the Lord does come to us in mysterious ways, like a cardboard pizza box. Let Him in, and watch our America renew itself!

 
At July 26, 2005 4:22 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

kirk: My disgust with Bill O'Reilly has nothing to do with his falafel escapades.

O'Reilly is a self-avowed "independent." He goes out of his way to display his moderateness in an attempt to appear more "impartial" to his audience. I have no patience for those who can't proudly display their conservativism. Bill O'Reilly is dead to me.

 
At July 26, 2005 5:09 PM, Blogger Bushcheney08 said...

No, I think that o'reilly is merely sheeps clothing - pretending to be a moderate to supposedly look like a regular guy expressing opinions. at least thats the secular steriotype that appeals to the godless undecided.

Just like moveon.org recently pretended to move to modern.

 
At July 26, 2005 5:58 PM, Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Remind me to avoid this place.

Or not! I can set up a business right outside the town limits! My business will consist of a rocking STRIP CLUB, a package liqour store, a wide selection of sex toys and birth control devices, hotel rooms, and while I am at it an Indian Casino.

I will make a million bucks. All the holy roller fakers will FLOCK to my palace of sin.

 
At July 26, 2005 10:42 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

kirk: that's what I'm here for, to help my fellow conservatives stay on the path. Don't worry, your daughter is not yet lost, not without me providing you with invaluable parenting tips.

the lazy iguana: I really don't think you'll have to worry about receiving invitations to Ave Maria.

As far as your plan for your unholy business, I suggest you take it San Franciso, Chicago or anywhere in Vermont. I just don't want you peddling smut anywhere near real Christians.

 

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