Saturday, July 02, 2005

Moral Mailbox: Culture of Life

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

Here's the Moral Mailbox question of the week:
"I've heard president Bush and fellow republicans talk a lot about a "culture of life". Could you explain to me what this is?" -- Mark

Well, Mark, first let me explain to you the importance of having a culture of life. We all know that terrorists hate freedom, that's a given; but its a little known fact though that terrorists also hate life itself. This should be no surprise to anyone who has as deep an understanding of the enemy as I do. Terrorists simply hate and want to destroy everything that's good and everything that Americans hold dear.

So establishing a strong culture of life would serve as a huge blow to the terrorists.

Essentially a culture of life is a society that holds deep respect for the sanctity of life. Seems pretty simple, right? Well there are certain nuances to this concept that I want to address before you start decrying our treatment of detainees at Guantanimo Bay or capital punishment with this idea.

Who's Not a Part of the Culture of Life?
Not every person is eligible for the human respect a culture of life would provide. Torture by our government of anyone who threatens our freedom or even has the look of someone who might think about threatening our freedom is fine. If you are a terrorist you do not believe in the culture of life, therefore the culture of life does not believe in you. Terrorists are simply not guaranteed humane treatment in a culture of life.

Another major exemption to the culture of life is violent criminals. Respecting human life should never come at the expense of being soft on crime. If we were to allow these vicious felons to simply serve out a life sentence this would be very costly. Those are dollars that could be applied directly to the War on Terror, and we are not going to cut costs for people that are irrefutably guilty and not worthy to even breathe the same air as Michael Gregory Steele.

Who Is a Part of the Culture of Life?

The two main groups that are in fact eligible for humane treatment in a culture of life are fetal children and those in a persistent vegetative state. A culture of life would ensure that fetal children would never be aborted or used for research to find cures for diseases. These acts disrespect life and embolden terrorists. Brain dead individuals would also be kept alive indefinitely, regardless of the costs or their own wishes. It's the only thing we can rightly do for a non-criminal non-terrorist American in this state.

Surely once the terrorists see the shining example of humanity that America provides with this new culture of life they will fall to their knees and weep. The shame will force them drop their weapons and hopefully convert to Christianity. This is how we will win the War on Terror, with a holy combination of military and moral superiority.

Send your own moral queries to: The Moral Mailbox.

5 Comments:

At July 03, 2005 6:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

President Bush has no respect for life. If he did we wouldn't be in Iraq right now.

 
At July 03, 2005 8:07 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

anonymous: Terrorists are not a part of the culture of life, you dolt.

 
At July 05, 2005 2:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr Steele, it is an honor to speak to you indirectly through this newfangled technology what is the home-computer console unit. Let me start off by saying that you and the esteemed Mr Hayes are a lighthouse of hope that shines brightly above the murky, fogged tidal waters of treason and corruption. I am an unemployed white saxon of humble beginnings who has recently come under fire from the so-called locals of my once-fine tri-state county mobile-home park. It appears they frown upon a God-Fearing Country/Freedom Loving man taking his own precautions to protect the 1/4 acre that is mine from terrorist attack. I blew off my damn legs and burned down half the court trying to make a sub-surface outpost in case them Satan-Loving Communist Arabs ever thought twice about coming in on my land and taking over my trailer or worse, stealing the canon in the town park and using it to shoot Anthrax into the crik and making the VFD boys all sick so they could then set fire to the Stucky's and the Sturgeon AA Lanes, which are the symbols of freedom they resent and fear. Like Vampires and garlic, and come to think of it I never saw no Arab out in the daytime, but that is another post for another time. Well, MG, I was asked to leave the community after I set that fire in the name of Freedom's Preservation. You never know who your friends are do you? The liberal menace are among us, and it's be easier if we had them glassed like Rowdy Roddy Piper had in that goon-ball alien film, but dammit MG, I blew off my own damn legs to preserve decency and piece of mind. I know those pins are waiting for me in Jesus' garage foe when I make that holy ascent like all my uncles before me. They were missing lots of fingers.

Praise Jesus.
George Ted Stubane
31

 
At July 05, 2005 4:41 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

anonymous george: You are truly a brave defender of conservativism, don't loose heart. You have a friend and a moral guide in me.

I will help protect you from the liberal menace. Just take my hand and follow me (not in a gay kind of way).

 
At July 05, 2005 7:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brilliant satire. 5 stars!!!

 

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