It Takes a Senator Named Santorum

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

Friends, I have great news! Rick Santorum, America's senator, has written a book. I've waited years for this man's sage words to be put to paper. Now, the teachings of Rick Santorum can be passed down throughout the ages. My great grandson will now one day be able to read about of the horrors of homosexuals destroying families and radical feminists forcing mothers into the workplace.

The title of his new groundbreaking book is "It Takes a Family" which is a clever play on the title of that uppity Hillary Clinton's book "It Takes a Village." We had to wait nearly a decade for an answer to her idiotic proposition that a child is raised not just by a family, but also by teachers, community members and religious leaders. His literary retort was well worth the wait.

There are a few portions of this book I especially liked, including:

The notion that college education is a cost-effective way to help poor, low-skill, unmarried mothers with high school diplomas or GEDs move up the economic ladder is just wrong.

I've always been firmly against educating unwed mothers. This only rewards them for their disgusting behavior. We certainly have no moral obligation to help an unchaste woman work her way out of a difficult financial situation. No, indeed our responsibility is to firmly say to her: "You've made your bed, now you must lie in it." We also have a further responsibility to make this bed as uncomfortable as possible to worsen the punishment inflicted upon this godless harlot.

Another of my favorite parts is this:

Many women have told me, and surveys have shown, that they find it easier, more “professionally” gratifying, and certainly more socially affirming, to work outside the home than to give up their careers to take care of their children. Think about that for a moment…Here, we can thank the influence of radical feminism, one of the core philosophies of the village elders.

I couldn't have said it better myself, senator, although I probably would have replaced the phrase "village elders" with "godless liberals." If women were truly meant to have careers outside of the home then God would not have outfitted them with inferior brains. Women working outside the home runs directly counter to God's plan and I applaud Rick for taking such a principled stand on this.

This book has truly inspired me, and he's right, it does take a family alone to raise a child. Who better to teach my kids than their parents? Both my boys will be home schooled next year. And who better, I ask, to teach them about Christ than their father? My children will observe the Sabbath in the Church of Michael Gregory Steele from now on. My children will be protected in my warm bosom from the dangers of atheists, liberals, and homosexuals.

Thank you, senator Santorum, thank you. I guess that sometimes it takes a senator named Santorum to show you the light.