Liberal Traitors: Stop Burning American Flags

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

As anyone who actually loves America knows, tomorrow is the day that we celebrate Independence Day. Those of a more progressive persuasion will no doubt use this day to mail out care packages to insurgents in Iraq and plot the general overthrow of our government. I on the other hand, think I’ll spend my day welling up with patriotic pride as I grill hot dogs on my perfectly manicured lawn.

I’m proud of this country because I can look to all the progress we’ve made in this War on Terror and in the spreading of our shared American values across the globe. I love this country, and anyone who reads this blog knows this. Despite the great progress we’ve made abroad though, there’s still a lot of work to be done here at home.

Just yesterday I was in the basement of my home searching for an especially large flag to hang on my front door. As soon as I found it though a very real sadness came over me. I clutched that oversized Old Glory in my masculine hands as if it were a child rescued from a fire. And in fact, this flag has been pulled from flames as real as the fires of Hell that all liberals will experience in the afterlife.

For I know that if this flag were in the hands of a liberal it would not be treated with the same level of respect that I treat it with. There is no telling how they would choose to disrespect and desecrate our flag before ultimately incinerating it and urinating on the ashes. Liberals love to burn American flags, and that’s a fact.

We came very close to having an amendment passed that could protect that flag that I cradled in my arms yesterday from such harm. But alas, some politicians in Washington don’t think our flag is even worth protecting:

The Senate by a single vote Tuesday rejected a proposed constitutional amendment to ban desecrating the American flag.

Now, this amendment isn’t some naked political move on the part of a few Senators trying to appeal to people with more patriotism than Constitutional understanding. I mean, what was the Constitution written for anyway if not to silence unpopular speech? Those who voted against this amendment simply aren’t interested in protecting freedom.

It is little consolation to me that some of these Senate Democrats who voted against this will pay a heavy political price during the November elections. I mean the “Candidate X is a traitor who supports flag burning and therefore hates God” campaign ads practically write themselves. No, this goes beyond partisan politics. If you burn a flag you hurt America in a very real way and not just symbolically. America simply isn’t strong enough to fight a War on Terror and have people complain about it in such extreme ways at the same time.

Look, I understand that tomorrow is a day of mourning for liberals and all others who hate this country. I have a simple request though. Tomorrow for once in your pathetic sinful and meaningless liberal lives could you resist burning an American flag? Just for one day could you pretend you actually care about this country just a little bit? I realize this is as likely as one of you liberals actually reading the Bible, but I have to ask for America’s sake.