Tuesday, May 31, 2005

I Am Proudly Anti-Cure

by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes

After reading a Newsweek column on stem cell research in which the writer frames his support of stem cell research as "pro-cure,” I am ready to shout from atop the highest mountains: “I am anti-cure!”

This stem cell controversy is given new life after a bill allowing more funding for stem cell research has already passed the House, and continues to snake its way towards the Senate.

Sure, the research is very promising, including the progress made by South Korean scientists, but allowing godless scientists to harvest these cells from deceased fetuses or embryos slated for disposal is simply wrong. This research may save millions from fatal diseases, but God created Parkinson's, Alzheimer's and diabetes for a reason.

What people refuse to admit is that you only get sick if God is very angry with you. Case in point, I have been sick only once in the entirety of my sainted life. I got the flu after I accidentally saw another man's penis in the locker room at the YMCA. From that day on, I vowed never to anger God, and have remained in his good graces ever since.

Of course, our wise President understands that using stem cells is immoral and has threatened to veto the bill should it find its way to his desk. This would be his very first veto, making it very clear that President George W. Bush is also ready to shout at the top of his lungs: “I am anti-cure!”

One final thought: I, Michael Gregory Steele, was once an embryo. While I was never frozen in this state, or slated for disposal, I was an embryo. Would this world have been better off if I had been used for research by liberal mad scientists? I think not.

I could have hypothetically been used to find a cure for cancer instead of curing the moral plague that infects all of you. This very thought should be enough have you all screaming: “I am anti-cure!”

the Moral Mailbox question for this week will be answered this Thursday, so you still have time to get those questions in.


At May 31, 2005 1:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm going to link this blog to as many comedy sites as I can find. Thanks for the laughs.

At June 02, 2005 2:00 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

My most sincere thanks, godless unbeliever. I welcome any other pagans you can direct to this blog.

- Michael Gregory Steele

At July 19, 2006 3:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am utterly dumbfounded by your claim that people become ill by moral decay. Many great people, pagan or pious have died from diseases not "godlessness". Your absolutely limited perspective is duly noted and your clown suit should be arriving in the mail soon.

At July 19, 2006 3:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

so am i godless for having 'orgon donor' written on my drivers license?

At July 19, 2006 5:51 PM, Blogger Juddy-Chris said...

Your humor slays me, but not in a post-abortive way.

At October 17, 2006 5:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am sooo pissed at god, now i got the flu. DANGIT.

thanks for the heads up mike.


At October 31, 2006 8:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It would appear that this ends up satirising both sides of the Left/Right divide, with noone paying attention to the little satire disclaimer at the right hand side.

At November 07, 2006 1:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck God, and Fuck you.

Hopefully I get the Plague.

At December 02, 2006 10:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Being married to one that has Multiple Sclerosis and the hardhip she and I endure everyday, I see this as truly despicable satire or not.

At May 12, 2007 1:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When my sister was nine months old she got a hip infection. What did a nine month baby do to make God angry?

At December 26, 2007 10:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

urm, if God made Parkinsons etc for a reason, didnt he also give the scientists the brains to do stem cell research for a reason?. And if it is against Gods will then wouldnt God make it impossible for them to reach anywhere?
You are lazy, just ready to go with the flow, wait till u have a disease and I hope that no fucking doctore treats yuo. Let yuo rot on earth the way you would have if it werent for these same doctors you have such a problem with.

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