Sunday, April 24, 2005

How to win the Church and State argument

by Michael Gregory Steele

We are under siege, and our faith is under attack.

Whenever any attempt is made to bring God into his Church (the United States), it is struck down. "Separation of Church and State" is the rallying cry of the godless unbelievers. While many among you would have no response to this nuanced 5 word argument, I certainly would.

Simply use the following arguments against anyone who believes God has no place in this government.

Argument 1:
"Separation of Church and State" does not appear in the Constitution

This is of course technically true since the phrase does not appear anywhere in the Constitution (take care not to precede this unholy phrase with "the idea of" or "principle of"). This should be enough to completely shatter the world view of your attacker.

If however this enemy of God starts talking about interpretations of the First Amendment, move on to the second argument.

Argument 2:
"In God We Trust" is our country's motto and appears on US currency.

Mention that since of the framers were religious (read: Christian) they founded this country upon Christian ideals and principles. Why else would "In God We Trust" be our motto? This is certainly not the creed of a godless country.

Hope against hope that your enemy doesn't know this only became our national motto in 1956 (although it did appear on a coin in 1864). If he does know this unfortunate bit of information, say that although the framers didn't coin the phrase, it certainly was their belief. With you opponent temporarily disarmed by this clever pun, quickly move on to Argument 3.

Argument 3:
The Framers of the Constitution never intended for God not to play a part in government.

Framer's intent is often used as a justification for separation of church and state, but it could just as easily be used as an argument against it. This is especially effective against someone who has absolutely no idea what they are talking about.

God permitting, you are not presented with this quote from Thomas Jefferson (or another like it from an actual framer):
... I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, thus building a wall of separation between church and state.
If you are presented with such a quote, unless your name happens to be Michael Gregory Steele, you are undoubtedly intellectually outmatched. But there is no need to despair, because you are morally superior and can win this battle with one last righteous argument (Argument 4) .

Argument 4:
If any of the founding fathers could see what is happening to this country now they would have a different opinion. If any founder saw two men engaging in homosexual intercourse, he would immediately press for an amendment banning such acts, that is after he was finished vomiting into his hat.

This argument is of course, irrefutable. If you choose to follow my sage advise, you can win the separation of church and state argument against anyone who would oppose you.

A final note: Separation of church and state may not have been the framers' intent, but they lived in a much different America. If the founders could see the sin and debauchery that we all must witness daily then God would no doubt have been very prominent in the Constitution. This is why we must work towards amending this document in order to add God wherever possible. We do this only so we can invite God back into his church.

13 Comments:

At May 12, 2005 12:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Absolutely hilarious! Mr. Steele, you must be a member of Landover Baptist Church. Keep up the Great work.

 
At June 19, 2005 7:44 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

Landover Baptist Church? No, The only church I belong to the Church of Michael Gregory Steele.

 
At June 30, 2006 1:19 AM, Anonymous Dr Zorn said...

None of the arguments proposed require the logical conclusion that church and state must be not be separated. The projected claims of intention are not a valid argument. Those 'intentions'would need to satisfy the condition that church and state ought to be unified. However, the essential point is missed. Law and politics are today decided by rational consent (democracy), not be appeals to a fantasy authority figure or the self-appointed spokespeople for such a figure. If you want a theocracy, you are free to create your own somewhere else.

 
At July 23, 2006 9:18 AM, Blogger *David* said...

Sorry to kill the joke, but why are 'democracy' and 'theocracy' considered mutually exclusive? Surely in a democracy, the (ignorant) majority can vote to be ruled by the legislations of a religion. May hoards of furious nationalists gun me down for saying so (as is their inalienable right), but that's what's wrong with democracy.

 
At September 18, 2006 11:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Move to another country if you don't like separation of church and state. Real Americans understand why the founders did what they did. Not ONE of them would have forced one defintion of god on another. You are the most dangerous underminers of American values, not the terrorists.

 
At January 29, 2007 8:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The uneducated comments reflect the poor structure and argument of your article.

Thomas Jefferson first coined the phrase "wall of separation between church and state" in a letter where he explained "no sect" and not "no religion" and where he closed the letter invoking a blessing of the father.

The current idea that such a separation of church and state should exist began with a SCOTUS decision in 1947, McCollum vs the school board where a 5-4 split began to identify atheism as the religion of the United States. Secondly you, like most people who have not read the constitution missed article VI which makes the religious questioning or testing of candidates for public office unconstitutional.

 
At March 14, 2007 4:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michael is you are not a coward debate me. I have the will to challenge your radical conservatism. I dare say that you are a man with very little education who does not have the knowledge to debate. I want to make it clear that you are inferior to me. I am also a successful Real Estate agent. I have it all. Yet I also went to college. You mediocre simplistic bum. You should do what you do best. Be a bum.

 
At January 10, 2008 2:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you considered that according to your principles, as demographics change your grandchildren may be compelled to recite "one nation, under Allah"?
Religion in government is government in religion, don't you get that? The Founding Founders witnessed this evil in Europe in their day and banished it from America.
Our government is subservient to us. We decide as individuals what we believe and tell the government what to do, not the other way around. If you allow government to advocate or enforce religion you are corrupting this fundamental tenant.

 
At March 11, 2009 8:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this meant to be a joke?

 
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