Thursday, June 16, 2005

Double Shot Treason

by Herman B. Hayes

They brew wonderful coffees, teas, and other delicious drinks. They provide refreshment, and a place to relax. There is only one problem with the ubiquitous coffee shop.

They also brew treason.

It is true. America’s coffee shops have become hotbeds of anti-American activities. They provide liberals and the godless heathens a safe haven in which to meet and discuss the takeover of our great and God fearing nation. Yesterday, I took a clandestine trip to my local coffee shop, aptly called “The Whispering Storm.” I dressed to fit in with the local crowd, wearing a beat up looking vintage (trash can) tee-shirt, dirty pants, and no deodorant. I almost made the tactical error of taking a shower and washing my hair before leaving my house, but I remembered to stay dirty.

I parked my Cadillac a couple of blocks away, and made my final approach on foot. Shuffling sloppily towards the front door, I attempted to remove all traces of intelligence from my visage. (For a person of my amazing intellect, this is practically impossible, but I managed.) It took me a moment to find the door handle, as the entire entrance was gaudily festooned with photocopied papers advertising the upcoming performances of bands. Mind you, these were bands with names like “Anti-Flag,” the “Treason Trixies,” and the “Defecate On All That America Stands For and Molest Your Neighbor’s Daughter Trio.” It was more than obvious what kind of situation I was walking into.

I was entering a den of treason.

This modest looking “coffee shop” was in fact a brothel of the mind. I had no idea how horrible my adventure would soon turn out to be. I entered the shop, walked up to the counter, and ordered an iced treason, which they had labeled as “iced tea.” I had no intention of imbibing this vile liberal libation, but I needed it to blend in as I gathered information on this evil gathering. All around I saw groups of liberals quietly discussing the destruction of the American way of life. Some were old, some were young, all were worthy of a good stint in a detention center. I sat at a stool near one group, and overhead the following conversation. The names have been changed so the people involved will not know that their phones have been tapped, their library records checked, and their friends interrogated:
Tina: Mmm...This is good coffee.
Pete: Yes it is, and I hate Jesus and our government.
Tina: Really? I hate Jesus and our government too!
Pete: I think that our government is not always correct.
Tina: I know! Sometime they make errors of judgment.
Pete: Sometimes Bush makes mistakes, and then won’t apologize.
Tina: For sure. Sometimes he sounds like a babbling idiot.
Pete: I cannot wait for the next election, so that we can change course through a legal and democratic process.
Tina: Hooray for elections!
Pete: Hooray for democracy!
As you can plainly see, dear readers, these Satanist liberals are guilty of treason! They dare, in a public space no less, to make disparaging comments about our beloved leader, and even about Jesus. I nearly throttled them both with my bare hands, but I was on a mission. I thought that things could get no worse. Eavesdropping on other conversations had yielded nothing but the same treasonous oral effluence. Moreover, I needed to urinate.

I made my way through the crowd of sinners, and to be honest I would have felt safer in a mosque. I entered their fetid washroom, stood before the urinal, and almost died. There, before my eyes, was a sticker. This was not some cuddly bear sticker, or even a Mr. Yuck. It was a photo of our dear President Bush, with the caption “Terrorist.”

I came to on the bathroom floor, shaking like a leaf. I removed the cell-phone that I was carrying in an ankle holster, and called the local F.B.I. field office, which I have on speed dial. They told me that they would “check it out.” This means that whoever placed this treasonous self-adhesive travesty on the wall will be dragged off to a detention center and spoken to “gently.” Good for them.

I have no idea how I got out of the treason-shop. I found myself leaning on my silver Cadillac, letting the warm rays of the God-given sun lift my spirits. I had entered the belly of the beast. I had seen the enemy. I had survived. I knew their tactics. We need to know all that we can about our liberal enemies. To finish, remember these words from my dear late father:

Knowing is half the battle.


At June 16, 2005 12:34 PM, Blogger ryangwillim said...

Did you check your clothing for bugs? Sometimes the liberals will bug "outsiders" that they find passed out in the cesspools they call "washrooms". From this they would be able to track you down and attempt to convert your children to their evil ways. Always keep your eyes open, and good luck. You are a valiant knight in these days of uncertainty!

At June 17, 2005 11:54 AM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

Not to fear, good reader. I washed with lice shampoo and then took a bath in peroxide once I returned home. I then incinerated my clothes and cell phone. I then shaved every part of my body and bathed again. I had to take these drastic measures to avoid bugs from the hair of dreadlock wearing liberals. As for bugs of the electronic sort, I have no fear. Let the liberals track me. I protect my family using three tools. Faith in God, faith in Bush, and faith in the second amendment. Get it?

At June 17, 2005 12:42 PM, Blogger Ewen said...

Great satire!

At June 17, 2005 2:20 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes said...

Which is it satire or raving right-wing idiocy? You non-Americans aren't very bright.

At May 05, 2007 9:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I made my way through the crowd of sinners, and to be honest I would have felt safer in a mosque."
NEWSFLASH: Jesus died for you and me. He died for sinners and he was the only perfect being on Earth.(Meaning he was perfect and stayed that way)
GIST: YOU are a sinner. Discrimination is a sin. Lying is a sin.
ALSO: Islam means peace so yes you should feel safer in a mosque. Not all Muslims are suicide bombers. they are just the only ones you hear about.

At December 29, 2008 2:14 AM, Blogger Unknown said...








At April 04, 2009 6:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

豆豆聊天室 aio交友愛情館 2008真情寫真 2009真情寫真 aa片免費看 捷克論壇 微風論壇 大眾論壇 plus論壇 080視訊聊天室 情色視訊交友90739 美女交友-成人聊天室 色情小說 做愛成人圖片區 豆豆色情聊天室 080豆豆聊天室 小辣妹影音交友網 台中情人聊天室 桃園星願聊天室 高雄網友聊天室 新中台灣聊天室 中部網友聊天室 嘉義之光聊天室 基隆海岸聊天室 中壢網友聊天室 南台灣聊天室 南部聊坊聊天室 台南不夜城聊天室 南部網友聊天室 屏東網友聊天室 台南網友聊天室 屏東聊坊聊天室 雲林網友聊天室 大學生BBS聊天室 網路學院聊天室 屏東夜語聊天室 孤男寡女聊天室 一網情深聊天室 心靈饗宴聊天室 流星花園聊天室 食色男女色情聊天室 真愛宣言交友聊天室 情人皇朝聊天室 上班族成人聊天室 上班族f1影音視訊聊天室 哈雷視訊聊天室 080影音視訊聊天室 38不夜城聊天室 援交聊天室080 080哈啦聊天室 台北已婚聊天室 已婚廣場聊天室 夢幻家族聊天室 摸摸扣扣同學會聊天室 520情色聊天室 QQ成人交友聊天室 免費視訊網愛聊天室 愛情公寓免費聊天室 拉子性愛聊天室 柔情網友聊天室 哈啦影音交友網 哈啦影音視訊聊天室 櫻井莉亞三點全露寫真集 123上班族聊天室 尋夢園上班族聊天室 成人聊天室上班族 080上班族聊天室 6k聊天室 粉紅豆豆聊天室 080豆豆聊天網 新豆豆聊天室 080聊天室 免費音樂試聽 流行音樂試聽 免費aa片試看A片 免費a長片線上看 色情貼影片 免費a長片 本土成人貼圖站 大台灣情色網 台灣男人幫論壇 A圖網 嘟嘟成人電影網 火辣春夢貼圖網 情色貼圖俱樂部 台灣成人電影 絲襪美腿樂園 18美女貼圖區 柔情聊天網 707網愛聊天室聯盟 台北69色情貼圖區 38女孩情色網 台灣映像館 波波成人情色網站 美女成人貼圖區 無碼貼圖力量 色妹妹性愛貼圖區 日本女優貼圖網 日本美少女貼圖區 亞洲風暴情色貼圖網 哈啦聊天室 美少女自拍貼圖 辣妹成人情色網 台北女孩情色網 辣手貼圖情色網 AV無碼女優影片 男女情色寫真貼圖 a片天使俱樂部 萍水相逢遊戲區 平水相逢遊戲區 免費視訊交友90739 免費視訊聊天 辣妹視訊 - 影音聊天網 080視訊聊天室 日本美女肛交 美女工廠貼圖區 百分百貼圖區 亞洲成人電影情色網 台灣本土自拍貼圖網 麻辣貼圖情色網 好色客成人圖片貼圖區 711成人AV貼圖區 台灣美女貼圖區 筱萱成人論壇 咪咪情色貼圖區 momokoko同學會視訊 kk272視訊 情色文學小站 成人情色貼圖區 嘟嘟成人網 嘟嘟情人色網 - 貼圖區 免費色情a片下載 台灣情色論壇 成人影片分享 免費視訊聊天區 微風 成人 論壇 kiss文學區 taiwankiss文學區

At April 23, 2009 2:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

看房子,買房子,建商自售,自售,台北新成屋,台北豪宅,新成屋,豪宅,美髮儀器,美髮,儀器,髮型,EMBA,MBA,學位,EMBA,專業認證,認證課程,博士學位,DBA,PHD,在職進修,碩士學位,推廣教育,DBA,進修課程,碩士學位,網路廣告,關鍵字廣告,關鍵字,課程介紹,學分班,文憑,牛樟芝,段木,牛樟菇,日式料理, 台北居酒屋,日本料理,結婚,婚宴場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,台北住宿,國內訂房,台北HOTEL,台北婚宴,飯店優惠,台北結婚,場地,住宿,訂房,HOTEL,飯店,造型系列,學位,SEO,婚宴,捷運,學區,美髮,儀器,髮型,看房子,買房子,建商自售,自售,房子,捷運,學區,台北新成屋,台北豪宅,新成屋,豪宅,學位,碩士學位,進修,在職進修, 課程,教育,學位,證照,mba,文憑,學分班,台北住宿,國內訂房,台北HOTEL,台北婚宴,飯店優惠,住宿,訂房,HOTEL,飯店,婚宴,台北住宿,國內訂房,台北HOTEL,台北婚宴,飯店優惠,住宿,訂房,HOTEL,飯店,婚宴,台北住宿,國內訂房,台北HOTEL,台北婚宴,飯店優惠,住宿,訂房,HOTEL,飯店,婚宴,結婚,婚宴場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,台北結婚,場地,結婚,場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,台北結婚,婚宴場地,結婚,婚宴場地,推車飲茶,港式點心,尾牙春酒,台北結婚,場地,居酒屋,燒烤,美髮,儀器,髮型,美髮,儀器,髮型,美髮,儀器,髮型,美髮,儀器,髮型,小套房,小套房,進修,在職進修,留學,證照,MBA,EMBA,留學,MBA,EMBA,留學,進修,在職進修,牛樟芝,段木,牛樟菇,關鍵字排名,網路行銷,PMP,在職專班,研究所在職專班,碩士在職專班,PMP,證照,在職專班,研究所在職專班,碩士在職專班,SEO,廣告,關鍵字,關鍵字排名,網路行銷,網頁設計,網站設計,網站排名,搜尋引擎,網路廣告,SEO,廣告,關鍵字,關鍵字排名,網路行銷,網頁設計,網站設計,網站排名,搜尋引擎,網路廣告,SEO,廣告,關鍵字,關鍵字排名,網路行銷,網頁設計,網站設計,網站排名,搜尋引擎,網路廣告,SEO,廣告,關鍵字,關鍵字排名,網路行銷,網頁設計,網站設計,網站排名,搜尋引擎,網路廣告,EMBA,MBA,PMP,在職進修,專案管理,出國留學,EMBA,MBA,PMP,在職進修,專案管理,出國留學,EMBA,MBA,PMP,在職進修,專案管理,出國留學,婚宴,婚宴,婚宴,婚宴,漢高資訊,漢高資訊,比利時,比利時聯合商學院,宜蘭民宿,台東民宿,澎湖民宿,墾丁民宿,花蓮民宿,SEO,找工作,汽車旅館,阿里山,日月潭,阿里山民宿,東森購物,momo購物台,pc home購物,購物,手機,手機王,數位像機,衛星導行,GPS,小筆電,機油漢高資訊,漢高資訊,在職進修,漢高資訊,在職進修,住宿,住宿,整形,造型,室內設計,室內設計,漢高資訊,在職進修,漢高資訊,在職進修,住宿,美容,室內設計,在職進修,羅志祥,周杰倫,五月天,住宿,住宿,整形,整形,室內設計,室內設計,比利時聯合商學院,在職進修,比利時聯合商學院,在職進修,漢高資訊,找工作,找工作,找工作,找工作,找工作,蔡依林,林志玲


Post a Comment

<< Home