by Herman B. Hayes
We received this very disturbing letter in the Moral Mailbox yesterday, and I felt that it deserved an immediate response. Some things, such as possible homosexual tendencies, cannot be ignored in good conscience.
“Dear Moral mailbox: I shed a tear when I saw that Rick Santorum was going to have the election stolen from him. I have always thought of myself as a manly-man, but I realized that I would miss Rick's smile. Does this make me gay? Do I deserve to live? Does thinking I might be gay make me a liberal? Am I going to Hell?
Well, Billy, it seems like you have a real situation on your hands here. Let me get one thing clear right off the bat: Yes, you are gay. You “would miss” another man’s smile, and that means that you would like to engage in oil-washed intercourse with that man. I am guessing that wanting to have sex with another male makes you gay, right, that is still the definition in this politically correct world? Tell me, when you look at a picture of Rick Santorum, who I will admit is rather handsome, in a man way, do you simply see him as a sexual object for your gratification? I have no doubt that you do.
As for the next part of your letter, concerning whether or not you deserve to live, I think that Jesus would be the best one to answer that. I might be biased.
I am not saying that you should end your life, since that would be wrong, but your fate is already sealed. Why make God wait to judge you. I am sure he would rather get on with things than wait around for a man-luster like you, Billy boy. Jesus will give you his answer when you get to His door, Billy, and I would not keep Jesus waiting if I were you. Your chances are already dim.
No, Billy, I do not think that being gay makes you a liberal. I, personally, am convinced that being liberal will make you gay.
Liberals are all gays, and all gays are liberals. There is no way to avoid this fact. Most liberals are, of course, in the closet about their sexual preferences, and probably always will be. This is, through some act of Satan, how liberals manage to reproduce and keep their species going. Liberals are the only animal on Earth whose very procreation is based on lies and deceit. If a person is born of lies, of course he will choose the political party of liars, drug users, sodomites, pedophiles, and Nancy Pelosi.
Billy, it is not all your fault that you are a closet liberal. Chances are that your parents are, too. You should be happy, at least, that your mother and father got past their feelings for people of the same sex, and created you.
Of course, you should be less than happy that they lied to you, and told you that you were born conservative. Politics is not a lifestyle choice, young man, it is something you are born with. Liberals are a lesser animal, somewhat like a chimpanzee, or maybe a maggot. It is not your fault that you were born a liberal. Actually, it might be good news for you.
Recent research has shown that liberals may be born without souls, Billy, so you might not be going to Hell after all. You need a soul to enter Heaven, or Hell, so you might not go anywhere. In the meanwhile, I still think liberals are going to Hell, the thought just makes me happy. Have hope, Billy, you might just disappear into nothingness, much like your party-of-birth will be doing soon.