Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Don’t Take a Page from Foley’s Book

by Herman B. Hayes

Mark Foley has put the Republican Party in a bad position, but I am sure that not all the blame can be rested on him alone.

In my opinion, Mark Foley is a victim here. He has been victimized by the “teenage boys”, a priest, and the Democrats. We know this is a Democratic ploy to hurt conservatives in the month before an election. That much is obvious. I think there is something a bit more sinister than that going on here, though. Something is not right about Mark Foley trying to have sex with children, beyond trying to have sex with children.

I am blaming a good portion of this on the pages in question. Why are they hiding from us? Is it because they are in their 50’s and chatting online in their donkey print pajamas? Chances are that Mark Foley was having internet sex with Howard Dean.

This smells of a liberal sting operation, and I know it has been in the works for years now. I want to see these “children” on the news this evening. If they are so sweet and innocent, surely there is no reason to hide them behind a veil of secrecy. I want to see them, I want to know that they are not full-grown liberal hit-men on a mission to take down Mark Foley and the House leadership. On the topic of Hastert, of course he should not step down. Someone handed him some emails that seemed “overly friendly”. Is being nice a crime? It is not like they brought him a box full of severed heads found in Foley’s office.

If they are really children, then the dirty little sluts had it coming. Much like many other situations, sometimes the victim gets what they asked for.

Children of that age are not really children, mind you. Sixteen year olds may have heard about sex from evil liberal teachers, or may have even heard about it from the children of liberal parents. Mark Foley is a man of weak moral character, and it is obvious that he was susceptible to the sexual assault launched upon him by these “innocent children”. “I have a package for you,Congressman”, can only be read one way when you are a man like Foley. That way is, of course, “I would like to have internet based sexual activity with you, Congressman. Oh, here is that package from FedEx you so lustfully desired, in the same way I know you desire my penis. I want you too, Senator Sexy-Pants.”

Come on, Foley, you can do better than “I was molested by a priest.” Try replacing priest with “Democratic councilman from my hometown”, and it will be a little more helpful to us.

“Molested by a priest” is the second oldest one in the book, right after “the devil made me do it”. The priest thing is so very over-used as an excuse for having a weak moral character. Oh, and of course it is a lie, since priests are men of God and do not do things like that, ever. You are simply joining hundreds and hundreds of other liars with no credibility. No one is biting, Mark, and you really are not helping our situation. You need to attack some liberals here, even if your attacks are all lies. Help spread the blame around. Soften the blow, if you will. I know that it would be difficult for you to hurt your real party like that, but you should at least try.

You did read that right. Mark Foley is a closet homosexual, and that makes him a closet Democrat.

It is not possible to be a homosexual and be a Republican at the same time. Our Good and Holy God does not allow such abominations to roam the Earth. Foley was, probably unbeknownst to himself, a Democratic operative, out to do major damage to the Republican Party. We need to stop this baseless smear campaign before it goes any further. There is nothing to see here, folks, move along. I hear that there are some Democrats planning to kill some babies. They are calling it “abortion”. Get yourselves all up in arms about that, instead.

Mark Foley was a weak willed closet Democrat-sexual who was either led on by predatory children, or was tricked by liberal smear-merchants. Either way, remember, more Democrats than Republicans will be taking “pages” from Foley’s now-available little black book.


At October 04, 2006 11:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fox News called him a Democrat, so it must be true!!

Give those weak, liberal, soft-on-terrorists, and gay bashing (cause all gays are pedophiles) Democrats what for!

Although you missed an opportunity to mention Hillary Clinton being evil, I am ashamed.

At October 04, 2006 1:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are You F-ing kidding? Foley is the victim here? Typical Re-thug thinking. Blame the the REAL victims to avoid accepting reality and responsibility! You guys are a bunch of hyporcites!

At October 04, 2006 2:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice fairy tale. Lay off the LSD psycho.

At October 04, 2006 2:10 PM, Anonymous laura said...

Have you been checked out lately?; sounds as though you have lost your mind.

At October 04, 2006 2:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rewriting history again? No wonder your Bible contains so many factual errors.

At October 04, 2006 3:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was fondled by Foley, but I was 18 at the time, so it's all legal and good. He's actually quite good at it.

At October 04, 2006 5:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will assume this is satire, no one can be so evil or stupid. Not even republicans.

At October 04, 2006 5:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope this is some manner of cruel joke or you are one of the worst human beings I have ever had the misfortune of encounter in media.

You disgrace yourself, the Party, the Church, Christians everywhere, and the human race by saying these things. And you use the Lord's name to do it.

May God forgive you, for I find that I cannot.

At October 04, 2006 6:28 PM, Blogger anencephalicmind said...

One would think this is satire, given the blogroll...

At October 04, 2006 7:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Read below the blogroll. It says this is satire. Very enjoyable, once I realized it wasn't real.

At October 04, 2006 9:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yea... Those liberal children probably planned for years for it to come down to this! Everyone know it is the children's fault, not Congressman (sorry, EX-Congressman) Foley's fault! They tempted him like the satanic little DEMOCRATS they are! I'll bet they aren't even AMERICAN! It only stands to reason that anyone who would say things like this is lying, and would say anything to make a buck... YEA, that's it! How much you want to bet these "children" sign a book deal in the next few weeks? They should be deported and sent to military tribunals, the lot of them.

At October 04, 2006 10:47 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

Michael: You are dead on. Everyone knows child molestation is part of the Democratic Party's platform. By definition Foley is a Democrat and no sane person could argue this point.


I will assume this is satire, no one can be so evil or stupid. Not even republicans.

You assumed wrong!

At October 05, 2006 12:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At October 05, 2006 9:05 AM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

I am very suprised at how many of you are willing to stand up and defend predatory children. You, and they, are a menace to our society.

All Caps Anonymous: I too find it disturbing that you are willing to share your views in such a public forum. Please refrain in the future. Thank you.

At October 05, 2006 8:49 PM, Blogger Blue Gal said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again. It is amazing that the Anonymous family has been able to reproduce successfully in such numbers, given that their DNA leads to a total inability to read, reason, or react in an intelligent manner. God is ashamed of them, too.

At October 05, 2006 11:18 PM, Blogger The Pagan Temple said...

I think we should all be able to see through this. Now that all those predatory page kids have had the rug pulled out from under them and their antics, they are taking their frustrations out on the good Reverend Hayes, so naturally they would sign their angry posts as "Anonymous".

Hey, guys, lighten up, after the election this will all blow over and you can all find another gay congress"man" that you can lure into giving you some. Be of good faith, kids, all is not lost.

At October 06, 2006 7:39 PM, Blogger Lily said...

This is obviously a liberal ploy to undermine this year's election. And they were fiendishly clever enough to wait for this really important election, rather than exposing it in 2004, when it wouldn't have mattered.

At October 07, 2006 3:47 PM, Anonymous Faithful Follower said...

Sirs, it saddens me deeply to read the comment section of your insightful commentary. It further proves my firm belief that the liberal concept of free public education for all must be abolished immediately.

These are obviously not comments from right thinking, God fearing, flag waving individuals. If these unwashed hippy atheists were not literate, then we would not have to tolerate such utter nonsense.

Just my two cents. Yours in Christ.

At October 07, 2006 7:07 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

Herman: Sorry, I just noticed that I called you Michael. It's easy for me to get confused since you guys are the Holy Binity to all us embattled Republicans and it's difficult to tell one pure soul from another.

At October 08, 2006 6:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the first chuckle I have had for quite some time.
If I may correct one part of your essay, Foley is a House member, not a senator.
A Teacher.

At October 08, 2006 11:20 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

Anonymous: Nice try, but Foley was a congressman. You're not fooling anyone.

At October 10, 2006 1:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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