Wednesday, September 13, 2006

God Demands That We Profit from 9-11

by Herman B. Hayes

As we have seen in the days since the fifth anniversary of September 11th, the liberals and the godless have forgotten about September 11th.

There is a hole in America, and it is called “Ground Zero”. There are sixteen acres of ground there, just waiting for someone to remember the lessons of 9-11, and to remember what America is all about. I know that my fellow conservatives have not forgotten that day, we remember it always, and we try not to let you feeble-minded fools forget either. Why do these acres of hallowed ground stand empty, though?

The liberals are at fault: they want to subvert the true meaning of freedom, and the will of God.

The terrorists are winning each and every day that Ground Zero is not making money. Remember, this was not a Kentucky Fried Chicken that these Islamo-Fascist-Neo-Barbarians slammed planes into. Leaving a smoldering pit of chicken parts and gravy to rot for five years would have been a tragedy, but nothing compared to the shame and sorrow of failing to rebuild that much business space in Manhattan. America is about two things, worshipping God and making money. Ground Zero is a testament to neither of those American ideals, and the thought of it enrages my Lord.

Our Lord hates to see that empty space, especially since it could be filled with offices and other money-making enterprises.

God could care less about the fact that no one put a business on the site of Flight 93’s impact in Shanksville, Pennsylvania. Really, what would you put there? “Bubba’s Cow Milking Emporium”? There is no prime capitalist real-estate being wasted there. God remembers the dead, of course, but he realizes that Shanksville is simply not fertile ground for big business, only for corn and white trash. New York is different, though, and it is high time that we came up with a strategy for using 9-11 to our financial advantage.

The Twin Towers were getting a little old, anyhow. Maybe the Jihadist maniacs have given us a golden opportunity.

Remember, if any of this offends you, then you are a godless heathen who is bound directly for Hell. God doesn’t like the weak, the Commies, or you if you are about to start whining about what I am saying. The World Trade Center buildings were not that new, and tearing them down would have cost a ton of money. Now we have the opportunity to build on the ashes of the old using modern methods and technology. We can build a temple to God and Business the likes of which the world has never seen. We must, no matter what the liberals say, build a structure that will bring adding machines and ledger books closer to Our Lord than ever before.

“The Lord Our Holy God Financial-and-Business Center and Ultra-Mega-Church” must be built. There is no other way to make God happy with our money-making endeavors again.

I have been speaking with top Christian-Architects to see what we could create, with God’s help and insistence, where Ground Zero is today. Imagine, if you will, the tallest structure in the world. Now image a 100 story steeple, stretching from the top of that structure, now imagine a 30 story tall cross atop of that. No one could deny the power of Christ then, no one. We would be able to fit more offices and pews in this structure than in any that have come before it, and God would be made glad.

We must build this monument to God, and we must build it in the memory of the thousands of money making saints, and their acolytes, who died on September 11, 2001.


At September 14, 2006 10:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy Crap!

At September 14, 2006 10:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Even More Holy Crap! "Your comment has been saved and will be visible after blog owner approval." Let the voices be heard, for if you truly have gods love, you have nothing to fear!

At September 14, 2006 10:48 AM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

anonymous: Fear has nothing to do with it, I just prefer not to be annoyed. God works on the same system, does he not? I am guessing that you are not able to add things to the Bible on a whim.

At September 16, 2006 12:03 AM, Blogger Kirk said...

Herman, what you are saying is just common sense, but don't forget that we must also profit from the deaths of our soldiers fighting in the country that attacked us - Iraq - in order to honor their memory.

At September 20, 2006 11:10 PM, Blogger The Truffle said...

What denomination should this Xtian megachurch be? Episcopalian? Catholic? Russian Orthodox? Mormon? Quaker? Unitarian? Methodist? I'm confused.

At September 25, 2006 12:10 AM, Blogger Rafael V. Rabinovich said...

Just curious, Herman, what kind of things would you add to the Bible on a whim?
(May G-d forgive me for posting in this goyish site!)

At December 01, 2006 10:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe my eyes! "The Twin Towers were getting a little old, anyhow." I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have said that if you'd lost a loved one on 9/11.

At December 29, 2008 1:51 AM, Blogger sexy said...








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