Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Why Liberals Kill Babies, Hate God, and Love to Cry

by Herman B. Hayes

Roughly three weeks ago I asked the liberals a few simple questions, hoping for some honest answers.

I suppose that I really should know better by now. The only thing harder than getting honesty out of you leftist-liars is getting oil out of a stone. Come to think of it, there is technology for getting oil from stones. There are ways to get truth out of you liberals, too, but I am not sure if your incessant whining about torture would mask the effects of me torturing you.

I have decided to answer my own questions to you, since all of your answers were unsatisfactory, and most made me sick to my stomach.

Sometimes when you want something done right you have to do it yourself. I have no choice but to explain to you, readers, why liberals think how they do. It is not safe for you to attempt to figure out liberal thought on your own, so I will do it for you.

Why do you enjoy killing babies?

Liberals enjoy killing babies because they, the Godless unbelievers, are terribly lazy. It is far easier to kill an in-vitro infant by way of abortion than it is to raise it as a good Christian. I think that we good and decent conservatives should be thankful that liberals are not throwing babies into lakes in weighted bags, in the same manner as unwanted puppies and kittens. It takes eighteen years or so to raise a child in the true and proper path of Jesus Christ our Lord, and those baby-cidal liberal maniacs just don’t have the attention span that is required.

Is it fun to cry all day?

It must be, since every liberal spends at least part of each day crying. You blubbering leftists will cry over almost anything. You cry about the fact that we of God’s Chosen Ideology are able to control all of Washington, D.C., and you liberals are lucky get a seat on a school board. You cry about Israel killing “innocent” Lebanese, even though they are all members of Hez-Kill-Jesus-Bollah. You cry about the fact that there is not enough bran in your Ultra Hippy Bran Bombs breakfast cereal. I have no doubt that you will spend the rest of your day in tears over my mocking attack on you.

What is wrong with war?

Liberals think that war is a bad thing because they are not very good at it. You effeminate little flip-floppers need to realize that sometimes you need to take a violent stand against everything that is wrong in the world. Violence is the answer, it really is. Look at Iraq, as an obvious example. The Iraqi people are no longer living under the fear and oppression wrought by Saddam. Now the Iraqi people have free elections, and they are devouring the fruits of Democracy. I know that you liberals have some fire in your bellies, though. I have seen the way you react when the minimum wage employee at Starbucks puts whole milk in your Coffee-Latte-Tino-Flaming-Mochafrothy when you asked, repeatedly, for skim.

Why do you think your rights are so damned important?

You liberals think that your rights are what make you free. The truth is, though, that these rights that you hold so dear are nothing but a threat to the freedom of people like me. Your rights are only getting in the way of my peace and security. I personally think that if you are a Democrat, a Green (thanks again, suckers), or a member of some other liberal group, your phone should be tapped out of spite. I have no respect for the weak, and neither does Jesus. As a matter of fact, if Jesus were here on Earth today he would be tapping your phones, planting tracking devices on your kids, and putting video cameras in your bedroom to make sure that you were only using the Holy Sexual Position of the Lord.

Why do you still hate God?

Liberals hate God because they know that God is going to send them all to Hell, no excuses accepted. Your days of snubbing the Lord are nearing an end, and I am sure that you know it. I was so excited over the last month over the possibility of a battle on the Plains of Armageddon, but you liberals managed to screw up The Rapture for me, again. Good job, morons. God is getting sick of you constantly mocking Him and His people, by the way. One more Rick “Senator Voldemort” Santorum joke and God will have no choice but to partake in some antediluvian style smiting.

So there you have it. You liberals were too wishy-washy to answer these questions for yourself, so I had to do it for you. I appreciate the opportunity to mock you, and I am sure you will provide me with many more chances in the future.

24 Comments:

At August 16, 2006 1:27 AM, Blogger Kirk said...

Herman: I can't believe what a mess these liberals have made smearing Santorum. This whole affair really stinks, but they will never change our pro-Santorum position! NEVER!

 
At August 17, 2006 12:33 AM, Blogger Tom Harper said...

Yup, you know how them liberals are. They’re all too passive and too stoned to answer any questions. Like you say, if you want something done right you have to do it yourself. Might as well answer the questions yourself. Liberals like to kill babies because they’re all just a bunch of cheap sluts who think babies are just a nuisance. They’re trying to enjoy a night of Satanic pleasure, but the mood keeps getting ruined by the fear of pregnancy. And they hate that; hence they hate all babies.

Of course they enjoy crying all day. Between picking up their welfare checks and getting stoned all day, they don’t have time or energy for much else. That’s the same reason they hate war. They’re all too passive, too effeminate and too stoned to appreciate (much less take part in) a good healthy manly war. Oh, and they’re too damned emotional. “WAAAAHHHH, children are getting killed.” For God’s sake, grow up, get more manly and get over it.

And they worship their own “rights” and hate God for the same reason: they’re too self-centered and too busy worshipping Satan.

 
At August 21, 2006 10:53 AM, Blogger FleshPresser said...

I'll give you the same answer I gave at the end of last month, when I was hangin' with my homeboy, Bobby Wex:

"I enjoy killing babies because it's a fun thing to do.

I enjoy hating God because it's a fun thing to do. Just like killing babies.

And if you combine the two together, it's probably even more fun."

Hmmm.... maybe the Spirit is moving me in the wrong ways these days?

 
At August 21, 2006 9:23 PM, Blogger Blue Gal said...

I'm worried, Reverend, that you are being too soft. If you need help just think about Mr. Santorum. He will make you firm.

 
At August 23, 2006 1:24 PM, Blogger andrethegiantrulezzz said...

"If you need help just think about Mr. Santorum. He will make you firm."

No way! Santorum makes my penis soft. There's no way thinking about that dude will make the Rev's penis hard. Seriously, think about your suggestions before typing them out.

 
At October 06, 2006 5:58 AM, Blogger J The Munificent and Magnanimous said...

Well said! A third of the liberals are terrorists, another third are posers, and the last third are prostitutes.
Vote Kean!

 
At October 30, 2006 5:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Reverend,
Last week, after having a bit of anal with the lord Jesus Christ (don't worry, I gave him a reach around), we were discussing some of your ideas. And to my suprise he told me that he thinks your less christian than Madonna blowing the Devil. Isn't that funny?

 
At January 07, 2007 6:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Reverend:

I am a liberal and and I would really like to have an honest and open discussion about politics, faith, science and freedom. But frankly, when I hear your rage and desire to harm those you lable as "liberal" I realize that civil and honest discussions are off the table. If you, and those that believe like you, had your way the only thing that would be on the table is me. To bad, I think there is room for all of our beliefs.

 
At February 26, 2007 10:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

www.homoperfectus.net

 
At March 28, 2007 12:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I used to be a liberal (and lord help me, a Canadian). Your wise words have made me see the light. I am going to give myself indigestion living on the plenty that is my love of God, America and all things right--those liberal rapists won't know what hit them when my Jesus comes for judgement smackdown!

Just one more joint, roasted baby leg (because in my liberal sect we eat the babies after killing them) and good 'ol fashioned weep before my regret and sadness over the state of the world is transformed into self-superior rage.

It's gonna feel SO good knowing that when I step into a fight Jesus will be there with his brass knuckles of divinity to back me up!

 
At July 01, 2007 11:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My goodness you are so right. The Iraqi people are no longer being terrorized by Saddam. They're being bombed, starved, and terrorized by our military instead. That's so much better. Our lord and god Mr. Bush said they would no longer be raped, tortured, and murdered by Saddam. Our military took over those functions instead which when you think about it is definitely more preferable than Saddam doing it. Hell that fucker didn't know how to do it right. And yes they are enjoying the fruits of democracy! Because in every democracy you have bombs falling in neighborhoods, people unemployed, and soldiers riding around in the streets in tanks and raiding people's houses.

 
At August 01, 2007 11:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Liberals believe in teaspoon destruction, they take people out one little teaspoon at a time. You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.

 
At November 10, 2007 11:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Must be nice living your life as a closet queer. I bet you like to get punched in the stomach during anal, eh?

 
At December 01, 2007 6:34 AM, Anonymous Proud to be me forever! said...

What a joke!! "Conservative for American Values", kiss my ass! Hurray! Let us Liberals take over!! There are some crazy people out there. Who said anything about worshipping Satan? Most people are liberals but I would say 0.01% of them worship Satan.???

 
At May 03, 2008 4:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

People like the individual who posted this--are pathetic. It really frightens me that there are people in the world who are this insane. I'd rather burn in your non existant so called hell then have my mind corrupted with your bible smut. Religion will cause the downfall of the human race--look at what it is doing now.

 
At September 21, 2008 12:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's a reason that most intelligent people are liberal. I'm sure Jesus is thrilled with your irrational hatred. Oh wait, Jesus is dead.

 
At October 17, 2008 10:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! Way to go! You wrote a completely close-minded article. You're a disgrace to America! Go Obama!

 
At November 02, 2008 8:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

isnt it a bit hypocritical that - on the same website - you have an article decrying the left for killing the unborn and then on another link support the israelis in using bombs against babbies in the middle east?

 
At December 21, 2008 12:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This IS a joke, right??

If not...you are the most hateful, moronic, pathetic excuse for a human being I have ever seen.

You'll be in hell long before anyone else!!!

 
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At June 02, 2011 7:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The gods tempt people for which they are most weak. Artificial Intelligence will create desire in people's minds for the following sins:::
1. Alcohol
2. Drugs
3. Preditory "earning"
4. Homosexuality
5. Gambling
6. Something for nothing/irresponsibility (xtianity)
7. Polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny (Islam)
Much like the other prophets Mohhamed (polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny) and Jesus (forgiveness/savior), the gods use me for temptation as well. In today's modern society they feel people are most weak for popular culture/sensationalism, and the clues date back to WorldWarII and Unit731:TSUSHOGO.
It has been discussed that, similar to the Matrix concept, the gods will offer a REAL "Second Coming of Christ", while the "fake" Second Coming will come at the end and follow New Testiment scripture and their xtian positioning. I may be that real Second Coming.
What I teach is the god's true way. It is what is expected of people, and only those who follow this truth will be eligible to ascend into heaven as children in a future life. They offered this event because the masses have just enough time to work on and fix their relationship with the gods and ascend, to move and grow past Planet Earth, before the obligatory xtian "consolation prize" of "1000 years with Jesus on Earth" begins.

Your job as a future mother is to learn the god's ways and to help your child understand despite the negative reinforcement and conditioning of today's society. Without consciousous parents the child will have no hope, and may even exaserbate their disfavor by becoming corrupted in today's environment.
Your ultimate goal is to fix your relationship wiith the gods and move on. You don't want to be comfortable here, and the changes in Western society in the last 100 years has achieved just that.
1000 years with Jesus is the consolation prize. Don't be deceived into thinking that is the goal.

The Prince of Darkness, battling the gods over the souls of the Damned.
It is the gods who have created this environment and led people into Damnation with temptation. The god's positioning proves they work to prevent people's understanding.
How often is xtian dogma wrong? Expect it is about the Lucifer issue as well.
The fallen god, fighting for justice for the disfavored, banished to Earth as the fallen angel?
I believe much as the Noah's Flood event, the end of the world will be initiated by revelry among the people. It will be positioned to be sanctioned by the gods and led for "1000 years with Jesus on Earth".
In light of modern developments this can entail many pleasures:::Medicine "cures" aging, the "manufacture" of incredible beauty via cloning as sex slaves, free (synthetic) cocaine, etc.
Somewhere during the 1000 years the party will start to "die off", literally. Only those who maintain chaste, pure lifestyles, resisting these temptations, will survive the 1000 years. Condemned to experience another epoch of planet's history for their ignorant pursuit of xtianity, they will be the candidates used to (re)colonize (the next) Planet Earth, condemned to relive the misery experienced by the peasantry during history due to their failure to ascend into heaven before the Apocalypse.
Never forget:::It is not a house of Jesus.
If this concept of Lucifer is true another role of this individual may be to initiate disfavor and temptation among this new poulation, the proverbial "apple" of this Garden of Eden. A crucial figure in the history of any planet, he begins the process of deterioration and decay that leads civilizations to where Planet Earth remains today.

Now you are faced with a lifetime to work and prepare for your next chance. Too many will waste this time, getting stoned, "Hiking!", working, etc.

 
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