Monday, July 24, 2006

More Questions for the Liberals

by Herman B. Hayes

Listen up, you pseudo-pinko tree hugging liberal hippies!

Almost a year ago I authored the post “Why Liberals?” I was hoping that maybe a few of you would have the fortitude to step forward and give me an honest answer or two. I have spent the last eleven months in disappointment, daily checking the Moral Mailbox for some scrap of poorly penned insight.

Maybe the questions were too hard.

I thought that I was throwing you pansy bleu-staters some easy ones, with queries such as “Why do you hate God?” I never expected not to have these questions answered. I happen to know that if you ask a four year old what their favorite color is, you will get an honest answer. I also know that liberals think at roughly the same level as four-year-olds. I fail to see what the problem is.

I am going to give you another chance, even though I am sure to regret it.

I am going to ask you heathen leftists five more questions. I considered just using the ones that I wrote last year, hoping that the repetition might help you to answer, but I have decided to write all new questions. I am keeping them simple, and I am not using big words that might confuse you.
  1. Why do you enjoy killing babies?
    Most people seem to think that killing children is immoral, or at the very least disgusting. Why do liberals enjoy killing babies, even while they are still in the womb? Is it because they are even more defenseless then?

  2. Is it fun to cry all day?
    All that liberals seem to do is cry and whine. ”Ohh, woe is me! My party is out of power, and we will never win again.” How do you keep your skin from being eroded away by the constant trickle of self righteous tears?

  3. What is wrong with war?
    Why is it so hard for you to realize that conflict is a good and wonderful thing? You spend all day boo-hooing (see question two) about dead soldiers, and you fail to see the point. For every U.S. serviceman who is killed, a factory worker gets 10 hours of work. Death makes money, and if people are going to die anyhow, why not profit a little?

  4. Why do you think your rights are so damned important?
    As you all well know, 9-11 changed everything. You need to stop complaining that your “civil liberties” are being taken away. What is more important, some freedoms, or not getting blown to bits? Remember, the word “liberties” means that they are optional, based on the situation. Stop endangering the rest of us, please.

  5. Why do you still hate God?
    Nothing has changed with you since last year. You still wish you would walk outside in the morning, and see God’s corpse lying in your yard, next to your VW Beetle. Is it fun to make Jesus cry, as you dream of ways to kill Him and His Father? Remember, every time that you miss an opportunity to praise the Lord, a Muslim is born. You are creating terrorists.
Do you think you can do a little bit better this time?

I am actually encouraging you wishy-washy liberals to respond to these questions. I really want to know what you think, so that I can unravel your arguments in much the same way that you are always trying to unravel the fabric of our nation. Help me, liberals.

Help me understand you, so that I can destroy you.

18 Comments:

At July 25, 2006 1:06 PM, Blogger Jeremy said...

To answer question 1...I'm not so much into saving babies' lives as I am into saving blastocysts.

There are those out there that have their slimy liberal parascopes on these petri dishes, and will stop at nothing to learn from their destruction...under the guise of "oh, my poor grandmother is in a wheel chair."

The more these fancy book-learnin' types want to learn the more they kill.

Fucking crybaby liberals.

 
At July 25, 2006 4:54 PM, Blogger Marta said...

I'm not a liberal exactly, but I'll give my point of veiw...
1. It depends on the circumstance. If a woman has been raped, I don't care if it's the job god gave her, she doesn't have to go through with the pregnancy. If she's to young I'd give her an abortion too. You'd want one too if you were raped, or pregnant at a young age.
2. I haven't seen anyone cry.
3. The fact that so many people die... Wait if you don't care about the soldiers, why do you care about un-born children?
4. Because everyone like freedom.
5. I'm a Catholic. And nothing is wrong with Muslims, I have a Muslim friend. She has more sense in her than you do.

 
At July 25, 2006 5:15 PM, Blogger dusty said...

I guess I hate YOUR God because asshats like you are his disciples. Now, MY God doesn't approve of killing innocent civilians unlike YOUR God.

Is that the kind of answers your looking for Hermie? Or am I off base on this one? I am hungover so I am a few braincells short of a full load.

 
At July 25, 2006 5:17 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

jeremy: Amen, and Amen.

marta: Might I be so bold as to retort with more questions of my own for you? Of course I might:

1. Why are you dumber than feces?

2. Why do you lie to me about crying?

3. Why do you want America to die?

4. Why do you even bother?

5. Would you rather your friend shoot you, stab you, or blow you up?

 
At July 25, 2006 6:13 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

dusty: Don't be so quick to blame it on the hangover.

 
At July 26, 2006 10:49 AM, Blogger Mike said...

1. Have you ever sat in front of a screaming child on a train? Ever notice how your friends aren't around because they couldn't get a babysitter? The world is overpopulated.

2. Crying is fun; it shows we are emotional beings sensitive to the plight of those who might not be as white, wealthy, and socially accepted as we are.

3. You enjoy war, do you? War kills babies, thus you yourself enjoy killing babies. Why is that?

4. My freedoms are more important than not being blown to bits. Suppose I have a friend who can no longer make phone calls because the govt. and its corporate partners don't like what he has to say about a certain corporation? Suppose this same friend happens to be able to contact me in an emergency...like, I don't know, he hears that a plane has been hijacked and is heading for my place of business? Yeah, I'd want those freedoms back then!

5. I can't hate God if I don't believe one exists.

You religious folk should have no problems with Scientology, seeing as how it is also a cult full of people who believe everything that was written in a book.

Did you know the Bible promotes slavery? I guess you're for that, too.

 
At July 26, 2006 12:24 PM, Blogger Democratic Soldier said...

I wonder why all the "conservatives" are online talking all big and mighty rather than going down to the local recruiting office and signing up to fight the war??

I guess it's easier to talk big than to act big.

 
At July 26, 2006 1:48 PM, Blogger Blue Gal said...

Herman, you know I keep my photo of you ever close to me, in service to God (first!) and America (a close second, or one and a quarter!!!) After all, God created America, so what's the difference? LOL! Anyway, wanted you to know you're in my "thoughts".

It's too bad CafePress does not offer a line of "clues" for these so-called well-read, open-minded liberals to buy. We would all be better off.

 
At July 27, 2006 7:46 AM, Blogger The Truffle said...

Never mind that. Here are some questions for y'all:

Why do conservatives whine all the time?

"Waaaaaaaah, I don't wanna pay taxes!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaah, liberals are being mean to President Bush!"

"Waaaaaaaaah! Michael Moore is fat!"

"Waaaaaaaaaah! George Clooney is a mean pinko commie!"

"Waaaaaaaaaah! Stop saying that Rick Santorum is a homo!"

 
At July 27, 2006 6:33 PM, Blogger FleshPresser said...

I'm uncontested, so I'll try to answer some of your questions.

I enjoy killing babies because it's a fun thing to do.

I enjoy hating God because it's a fun thing to do. Just like killing babies.

And if you combine the two together, it's probably even more fun.

 
At July 29, 2006 8:42 PM, Blogger Faithful Follower said...

I wept when I read this post. I realized that I too had fallen into the Liberal Trap. I can not defend or deny your sage observations regarding the liberal lifestyle or tenents.

As a former "unwashed hippy scum", I want to let you know that after following your sage advise for the past month, I am reformed.

I am a small business owner and have come to realize the God wants me to be rich. God does not want me to pay my employees a living wage nor does He want me to provide them health insurance. God wants ME to be rich. (period, in case you didn't catch it).

God also doesn't want me to think for myself. That is why God has blessed me with you, Michael and Herman, to tell me what I do and do not think and believe.

I can't tell you non-believers how wonderful life is without critical thought or analysis! It's about profit baby! To heck with ethics and morals...........God would not have made YOU the boss if He (in his infinate wisdom) didn't want YOU to be rich. Therefore, go forth and take advantage of the lowely, it's what Jesus wants!

 
At August 02, 2006 12:01 PM, Blogger Brownie said...

"Death makes money, and if people are going to die anyhow, why not profit a little?"

This is an abomination. God help you.

 
At August 09, 2006 7:33 PM, Blogger mesquite said...

Herman,
Thank you for this opportunity for me to help you understand me so that you can destroy us. I'll be glad to help, because, as a liberal, I believe that "it never hurts to be polite."

1. Conservatives ought to give it a try. For example, if my mother had aborted my brother and sister, I would have gotten a bigger inheritance. But she didn't, so I'll have to share. Again.

2. It's not fun to cry all day. I can't stop. It's kind of an addiction. But I've started a twelve step program for it, and my therapist says she's proud of me. That made me cry, just a little bit, to admit that.

3. Don't you understand? "War" is "raw" spelled backwards. And "raw" is like "chafed" and "chafed" makes me cry, because it hurts. So war must stop. Although, you get the hat tip on the extra ten hours of work thing. It's kind of like a really, really late abortion. Say, here's an idea: soldiers are really government employees, which means they're paid by taxes. So, when they die, why don't we all get a rebate on their death benefit, since "it's our money" and they won't be using it for soldiering and all?

4. As a liberal, I try not to see things in black and white. So here's a compromise: I'm really protective about my freedoms, even though they're "free" (I mean, really -- you get what you pay for, eh?) What I would be happy to give up are conservative's freedoms. That would be fine. So, since your freedoms aren't so much anyway, you can go ahead and give them up -- and I'll just hang onto mine, 'cause I might like to use them some day. I can't think of how or when -- I'm just sayin'.

5. I'm confused by this question. I don't have a VW Beetle! Do you mean my Volvo? Anyways, I don't hate God. Really. She's always been good to me. I'd be sad to see her corpse. I'd cry again. And I just... can't... handle any more of that.

 
At August 14, 2006 6:49 PM, Blogger Furious Patriot said...

1.For their sweet nectar which we use to worship our dark Overlord, Satan.
2.Yes, it leaves your skin so soft and supple
3.I have no issue with War, provided only right wingers actually fight it.
4.Of course my rights are very important. Your’s, not so much
5. Hard to love God, when you worship Satan. This also keeps your skin soft and supple.

 
At April 10, 2007 4:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Noby believes that you are real.
Your seathing liberal anger comes through your mask _ You fool noone
Well maby other dumb ass liberals

 
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