Monday, June 26, 2006

Workers Rights are Simply Wrong

by Herman B. Hayes

Please, for the love of all that is good, shut up.

You, the American worker, are giving me a splitting headache. You complain about every little thing under the sun. What is wrong with being happy that you have a job, and keeping your trivial little opinions to yourself? As a business owner, I am very familiar with your grievances, and I could not care less about them.

Liberals…Good for the jobs you can’t outsource.

Sadly, I do happen to employ a good number of liberals. The primary reason for this apparent lapse in protocol is financial. Conservatives consider money to be something of importance, and I agree. Liberals can be paid less. They are too weak and stupid to stand up for themselves. The secondary reason is a touch more insidious: If I work a liberal nearly to death, the chances of them becoming an activist, or even a voter, drop dramatically. This is why I am so happy that American business is controlled by the Party of God.

Since when is “employee” a dirty word?

For some reason the idiots that work for me are starting to dislike the word “employee”. I would understand if I called my workers “slaves”, or “fodder”, or “chattel” to their faces, but I only use those terms in board-room memoranda. Today, I was forced to take all radios out of the hands of my employees, and crush them. I do not care if I was destroying their personal property, they bought it with my money, remember? I needed to silence these radios so that my peons could no longer listen to Thom Hartmann. Thommy-boy is a liberal who prefers the word “progressive”, similar to how I prefer to call liberals “those who are damned to the fires of hell for all eternity, after a life of insignificance here on Earth”. The Progressive Chipmunk, as I call Thom, has been saying that “producer” is a better word than “employee”. If any of my employees are reading this, first congratulations on finishing your GED classes. Second, if I hear you calling yourself a “producer”, I will teach you a new term: homeless beggar.

Your wage is fair…to me.

Dear American workers…none of us care if you think your pay is too low. You all need to realize that we business owners did not go into business for you. We want the money, and we demand that you make it for us. We will decide what you will be paid, and you will have no choice but to live with that. You talk about wanting a “living wage”. What is that? I am quite able to live with the wage I pay my employees. They are able to make it to work, and none of them have starved in recent memory. Stop whining, and get back to being a producer…of my profits.

I will make the suggestions, because I own the suggestion box.

Listen up, you dirt covered labor-lemmings. There are a few very important things you can do to ensure you keep your jobs. First, abandon your unions. They started to die the same instant that someone who makes brake pads decided to get involved in politics. Second, stop asking for better conditions, pay, and the like. We are not going to give it to you, and it makes us very angry when you ask. Your constant complaining is the reason why we business moguls outsource. You can bet that Habib and Pedro don’t ask for anything other than not to be physically abused by our appointed managers. Third, and last, is the topic of benefits. We are taking them away from you for your own good. If you don’t have health insurance, you will not live a dangerous lifestyle. Nothing helps you make better health decisions than the understanding that a wrong choice could mean death or financial ruin. Remember to thank your boss the next time you see them.

Get back to work, America, and don’t read this on company time.

31 Comments:

At June 25, 2006 10:53 PM, Anonymous WichitaJack said...

Wow you two are growing more and more crazed everday. I still agree with much of what you believe but lately you just are turning evil.

Take a break and listen to God stop try to speak for Him.

Bless you both and goodbye.

 
At June 25, 2006 11:37 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

wichitajack: There can be no evil in persuing the work of God. It is not evil to be passionate about bringing souls to Christ, or dollars to the Republican coffers.

 
At June 26, 2006 3:27 AM, Anonymous Righteous Red said...

I couldn't agree more. American workers are a bunch of whiners, especially those goddamn liberal tree-hugger hippies.

I was just complaining about this to my boss the other day.

 
At June 26, 2006 4:26 AM, Anonymous Edgar Walker Smith lv said...

Praise The Lord Brother Hayes!!!!! You speak the truth!! I remember many years ago in bible school,one of our productive and enlightening afternoons was devoted to the discussion about how Jesus tore up that marketplace back in the day. Even Jesus was honked off by the laziness of workers. Let's be honest,one must be a very bad person to anger Jesus. When Jesus saw the employee's of said marketplace not looking busy,wasting time-TIME I might add- which was on the employers dime. Poor Jesus. He had no choice but to trash the market and give those lazy workers something to do. I hope those workers spent at least the rest of the day cleaning up the mess,AND WITHOUT RECEIVING ANY OVERTIME PAY!!Remember,GOP is closer To GOD than LIB!!!!

 
At June 26, 2006 6:28 AM, Anonymous dances with beagles said...

Angels once tried to form a union and they were kicked out of heaven, and we all know who tried to organize them. We should follow the Heavenly model. Angels do what they are told when told to do it, never complain, and are on the job 24 hours a day. What kind of world would we live in if your guardian angel complained, slacked off a bit if he were sick, or was reading blogs while you wrecked your car? Now go to work and be an angel, lest your boss come and smite thee with overtime.

 
At June 26, 2006 2:09 PM, Anonymous Miss Buffy Knobbes said...

Mr Hayes,again,you're so right! Let's look at GOP fundraisers. The GOP represents the interests of businessmen such as yourself. You're successful,which is proof that GOD does indeed love the businessman more than the lazy and less fortunate worker bee. It is GOD'S plan to keep the GOP pure from the riff raff ,thereby keeping the lazy from corrupting the GOP's opulent and beautiful highbrow fundraising events. If GOD intended for common folk to attend such events,he wouldn't shower men such as yourself with success.Therefore there would be no need to employ $1,500. a plate at such gatherings. GOD wants you to spend $1,500 for a plate of food at a GOP gathering. Just remember,you're doing GOD's work as a member of the GOP. And as far as those lazy workers are concerned,there's a place for them. It's called HELL!!!

 
At June 26, 2006 5:06 PM, Anonymous matt p said...

Good morning mister Hayes. I agree many employees are whiners and complainers. And are lazy. God I fear! Employers treat their workers as economic slaves and with an attitude of elistist capitalism, and Jesus loves them for it. Most of you super duper saints would advocate outsourcing jobs to nations because you are so much smarter than me. I think you and Michael are the closest thing to God since Jesus himself. Thank you for making my life so much better than I ever thought it could be. May God bless you richly, and may He bless me less, for I am a slug.

 
At June 26, 2006 5:10 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

I am so glad you see that so many of you are getting my message. It warms my heart to know that you are on the right path.

matt p: I know that you have spent most of your life as an ingnorant sinner, and I am so very happy to see that you have come into the light. Amen, Matt, Amen.

 
At June 28, 2006 3:23 AM, Blogger Tom Harper said...

Bravo! When will these whiny liberals (and the dumbfuck laborers who keep voting for them) realize that working people are lucky to even have jobs. If these unskilled useless parasites stopped to think for a minute (which they're not smart enough to do or they'd BE the boss instead of having to grovel before the Boss), they'd see how well off they are. Fact is, Chang Fu and Habib can do what they do for a fraction of the cost. AND they won't be whimpering about "Waaaahh!! My wife has cancer and I don't have medical insurance," or "Boohoohooooo!! My family got evicted because I can't pay the rent that just got doubled."

What's good for Big Business is good for America. Why can't these wussie Libertards understand this??

 
At June 28, 2006 3:48 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

So much agreement. I love it. Just so you know, readers, we are not blocking dissenting views. We are only blocking morons. If you have a dissenting view, write it decently and it WILL be posted as a comment. If you decide to do nothing but swear and froth, you are not worth our time.

 
At June 28, 2006 4:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys are pretty good at satire. Keep it up. Way to funny.

 
At June 28, 2006 5:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

First time visitor here -- and just put you on my favorites list!

 
At June 28, 2006 5:40 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

anonymous: Thank you for your kind words. I can only assume that you think The Bible is pretty good satire too. Good luck in Hades.

 
At June 28, 2006 5:41 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

The Second Anonymous: Your soul thanks for for making that choice.

 
At June 28, 2006 5:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You and your readers are all simple minded, uneducated, venom filled, evil whack jobs.
It is beyond me how you can possibly believe that you are representing EITHER God or Country.

 
At June 28, 2006 5:47 PM, Anonymous Alan George Somersby Jr said...

As an owner of an American business,I share your concern. Workers act as if they're entitled to just compensation. That's balderdash! I've never asked for any handouts ,nor have I received any. My Father built the company that I currently operate. I too had employee issues. Being the shrewd pragmatist that I am (thanks in no small part to my lineage).I moved the business from its small town USA roots and operations to south of the border. Not only have I saved expenses by this move,but I've received a very substantial tax break just for moving my business out of the country. And you know what? I've earned more for myself in the last 6 years than I had the previous 8 years. Not only that,but I have more time play golf and vacation in the Dominican Republic. Hallelujah!!!! Guess what?! The result of my hard work hasn't stopped yet. When I pass my estate to my son Alan George Somersby III,He will not be subject to the unfair,imposing and degrading evil known as the estate tax. I love our current administration. Have you ever witnessed a more astute and adept administration than our current one? It's really quite simple. The more productive one is,the more one acquires the rewards.

 
At June 28, 2006 5:52 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

anonymous three: Yes, yes, we have heard it all before. Evil whackjobs..blah...blah...blah. You forgot to use the words "rich" and "Holy" and "in control of all branches of government".

Alan George Summersby Jr.: A good point well made, sir. You are a credit to our nation, unlike that idiot known as anonymous three.

 
At June 28, 2006 6:40 PM, Blogger Blue Gal said...

Rev. Hayes, what about that movement to increase the amount of vacation time the American worker gets? Do you think vacation is a sin? What about a working vacation? I just don't want to wind up Scandanavian, if you know what I mean.

 
At June 28, 2006 7:14 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

blue gal: Vacation is only a sin if you have not earned it. Take your lead from President Bush, he works twice as hard as any President before him, so he can take twice as much vacation.

 
At June 28, 2006 8:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yours is a reality where compassion does not exist and
Christ is despised. You don't believe in God --- you worship the Antichrist...

 
At June 28, 2006 8:40 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

anonymous four: I am guessing you have not actually read any of the blog, have you?

 
At June 28, 2006 8:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I may be so bold - may I suggest a Q&A thread - I know I have a lot to learn, and it seems from the comments on this thread I am not the only one. Who better than you to instruct us?

Personally, I have been trying to emulate our Vice President and his family and learn to snarl, "F*** You" at every opportunity. Unfortunately, the way my mama raised me, I have never said that to anyone in my life, and so whenever I try, the words kind of get stuck in my throat.

But I'm sick of being so low-class! I want to follow the lofty example our leaders set for us! How can I improve myself? Can you help me?

 
At June 29, 2006 4:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I suggest you pray for Ralph Reed and Grover Norquist. They seem to have sinned against God's Party by getting caught taking bribes. Pray that the prosecutors are smited and the gravy train continue without interruption.

 
At July 04, 2006 10:37 AM, Blogger your mom (same person) said...

what the fuck??????????? so your saying that workers should have no rights??? ok so liberals are to weak to stand up for themselfs?????? most of the people who stand up for themselfs are liberals. Im not a worker but that does not mean that I should hate them!!! you Conservatives are really fucking up

 
At July 05, 2006 10:59 PM, Anonymous Bobby Joe said...

WOW! I really feel bad now, I was just in my bosses office the other day asking for a pay increase due to the fact that I could not afford the gas it takes to get to work. But now that I know that I could be taking money away from his next purchase(vacation home, dream vacation, an apartment for his secretary etc.)I am going to go back into that office and tell him I am very sorry that I even thought of such an idea. And with that said I hope to keep my job.

 
At July 06, 2006 7:19 PM, Blogger WichitaJack said...

Someone's faking my blogger account. I have been a longtime supporter of this site and I would never claim that MGS or HBH were turning evil. As if such a thing could be possible!

The Lord will surely punish this slandering poser!

 
At October 16, 2006 8:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe you would like to reinstitute slavery that way no one will complain about wages. You can build work camps for liberal tree-hugging hippies. Those who can not work or produce you can install ovens and make soap out of them. If you are going to be "conservative" be all that you can be. You might want to consider that Americans did fight a war against these ideas and many died and are burried in Europe. We called that war World War II, any of you "conservatives" out there remember that one? If not look it up maybe you'll understand just what that "liberal" media is motivated by. From your Progressive Friends in New York. God Bless the USA.

 
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