Monday, June 05, 2006

Bill Frist, Defender of Marriage

by Herman B. Hayes

Why do the homos insist that they have the right to marriage?

Marriage is the union of a man and a woman. Marriage is not the union of two men, one of whom refers to himself as “Sally”. It has always been my belief that keeping the gays from wedding one another is one of the most important issues our country faces. For the longest time, however, most Republicans have not shared my fervor.

I thank God for Bill Frist every day.

Bill Frist knows that nothing is more important than keeping two men or two women from putting rings on each others fingers. We are a country built on morals. The homosexual community (no, I do not mean San Francisco) is a community built on evil. People claim that what homo-insurgents do in their own homes is their business. Wrong. The gays don’t become straight upon leaving their front doors. They march, they parade, they buy shoes, and they call everything “fabulous”. History shows that they make God angry, and furthermore they make me sick.

You had better stay healthy.

Bill Frist knows that having hundreds of thousands of new married couples would do untold damage to America’s health insurance companies. Think about this, reader: If the gays are awarded the right to marry, you will lose your health benefits. If you have a heart attack, and need medical care, you will die in the waiting room while two guys in leather comment on your shoes. The last thing you will hear before God takes you in his embrace will be “Eww. Those shoes are soooo last season. How could he wear those to die in?”

The Amendment

This amendment, blessed by God, simply reads: “Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution, nor the constitution of any State, shall be construed to require that marriage or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon any union other than the union of a man and a woman.” Amen, brother Frist, amen. We somehow lost the battle to keep inter-racial couples from marrying, and look how that turned out. We have the chance to make things better. You must follow the lead of the glorious Bill Frist. We can win this one, and make the world a better place for our straight children.

It is time we gave these gays a good Fristing.


At June 05, 2006 6:05 PM, Blogger Kevin said...

I am constantly threatened by interracial marriage. In fact, I have a gay couple living in my neighborhood now that happens to be interracial. How can we as Americans allow this! Their names are Bubba and Forrest Gump. Actually, they are in the sex offender registry. They want to marry and you know I just don't know if this is going to be good at all. I mean, life may be like a box of chocolates but I don't think people should put anything where the chocolate traditionally comes out.

At June 05, 2006 7:45 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

kevin: While I agree with your point, I must suggest you find a new confectioner. There are many other places to get chocolate.

At June 06, 2006 4:56 AM, Anonymous Conservative Patriot said...

Hear hear! We understand perfectly well what these "alternative" families sitting around watching Sponge Bob and the Teletubbies are designed to do-depopulate the United States of America, and weaken the one nation on this Earth still standing up for God. Once a couple of generations' worth have stopped having children (having since all turned "alternative",) who is going to fight off Osama's raiders? Us? We'll have long since been put into barbed-wire and snarling-dog "traditional family retirement centers."

At June 06, 2006 5:02 AM, Blogger Tom Harper said...

Hallelujah! And thank God for brave Godfearing men like Bill Frist. Those handwringing bedwetting Democrats are moaning about "higher priorities" that Congress should be dealing with instead of protecting marriage. Blasphemy!

Hugging trees, giving handouts to bums -- or whatever "higher priorities" liberals are whining about -- can't possibly be as important as protecting the sanctity of marriage.

God Bless Bill Frist and George W. Bush, and God Bless this website for promoting decency.

At June 06, 2006 7:25 AM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

conservative patriot and tom harper: May God richly bless you both. You are on the right track, and I hope we have played some small part. Thank you for making my day brighter. There are no great priorities right now. I would rather give Osama a student visa than let the gays marry.

At January 19, 2007 1:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You people are out of your fucking minds. Religion is just the line that connects mysticism to politics. There is no God, and Bill Frist is a sack of shit that is using you pathetic "values" to play you. He's a whore, and you're a bunch of morons.

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