Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Rick Santorum, Political Mastermind

by Herman B. Hayes

My favorite Senator is treading a fine line these days.

Recently it came to light that one of Senator Santorum’s chief staffers is gay. Now, I can understand how a homosexual could slip under the radar of a God fearing straight man. They can be sneaky, as I have illustrated in the past. I am not concerned with the fact that Mr. Santorum’s director of communication, Robert L. Traynham, is gay. I am concerned with the fact that he still has his job, and, it would appear, the support of Mr. Santorum.

Is Santorum going soft on homos?

This has to be a misunderstanding. My beloved Senator Santorum cannot, I repeat, cannot, be tolerant of homosexuality. There is no way that someone who is so opposed to gay rights, gay marriage, and gay existence can have a gay staffer. Something here does not seem right. Something here is ever-so-slightly off. I have a theory, though, and if I am correct it will prove that Santorum is a political genius.

Santorum has a homo-cheerleader.

Mull this one over, readers: Senator Santorum has a pet sodomite. This makes perfect sense, if you think about it. There is an election coming up, and Santorum’s position is on the line. Santorum is not well loved among liberals and those who engage in sexual activities with those of the same gender. What do liberals love? Homos. What do homos love? Homos. So, if you want to pull some extra votes from the ranks of Satan-worshipping morons, what do you do? Keep a homosexual around.

There is a world of difference between liking gays and using one to further the conservative agenda. I can only assume that this is what Rick Santorum is doing. I know that the Santorum I love does not tolerate gays, liberals, commies, tree huggers, terrorists, or any other unsavory group.

Having realized the truth of the matter, my faith is renewed.

Keep up your good and Godly work, Senator Santorum. I know that you are doing the right thing, because you always have. I have faith in you, conservatives have faith in you, and if we are lucky even the gays will have faith in you. God Bless Rick Santorum.

17 Comments:

At August 16, 2005 3:39 AM, Blogger bkwrd_dog said...

Your theory is pure genious. I am still curious about one thing however... After elections will the the gay staffer (A) get fired (B) get 'promoted' to an overseas janitorial position (C) be forced to repent and convert or face castration (D) something else(?)

 
At August 16, 2005 6:21 AM, Anonymous Giovanni said...

I'm still not entirely convinced Mr. Hayes. It worries me that Senator Santorum is keeping a sodomite around, after all it is a scientific fact (just like Creationism) that homosexuality is contagious. I fear not for Senator Santorum for I know he would never stoop so low, but for all his other staffers who are exposed to this dangerous disease.

 
At August 16, 2005 10:40 AM, Anonymous Red State Warrior said...

Homosexuality is a great evil. Jesus said it. I believe it. That settles it.

But that being said, conservatives have to realize that a Godly Christian Republican (even though he is a Papist) like Rick Santorum has the ability to change the hearts of evil men.

If you look at the life of Jesus, he was able to convert whores to Christians. And as we all know, a whore and a liberal feminist are the same thing.

Now a homosexual is just as evil as Stahlin, Hitler, Charles Manson or any other mass murderer. But Senator Santorum is a true Conservative Disciple of the Christ, so I'm sure that Santorum is attempting to convert this staffer from sick liberal Godless homosexual to Strong Christian Conservative Heterosexual Man.

We should all pray for Santorum so that he is successful.

 
At August 16, 2005 12:31 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

Indeed, I think Herman and RSW are both correct. However, I object to RSW’s use of the term convert. We are not talking about bringing someone into the one true religion at this point. That will come later. We are talking about curing someone of the disease of homosexuality. While homosexuality is a disease of choice, using the term convert somehow does not imply the seriousness of this cancer spreading through our society.

 
At August 16, 2005 2:56 PM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

Why would someone CHOOSE to be hated and discriminated against?

 
At August 16, 2005 3:16 PM, Anonymous Red State Warrior said...

allisoni balloni: you are never going to get anywhere with that line of discussion. "I hate men, I hate America, I hate Jesus."

Why don't you stop and listen to yourself for a moment. Can you not see that you hate so much because you have adopted the liberal ideology of hate?

I think your sick liberal political beliefs come from a hatred of your father. You hate your father so you were attracted to the liberal ideology of hate. You should go to your father and beg him for forgiveness.

Kirk: You are absolutely correct. I should have been clearer with my words (I was a little hung over this morning). By the way, I went to your blog and wanted to comment about that liberal traitor Cindy Sheehan, but you've restricted your blog to only accepting comments from bloggers. This will probably restrict your comments from liberal elitists (like Miss Moroni) who have more experience with computers than a common man conservative (such as myself or George W Bush).

 
At August 16, 2005 4:19 PM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

Any hate that has been learned in my lifetime has come from people like you.

 
At August 16, 2005 4:39 PM, Anonymous Red State Warrior said...

Do you mean people like your father allisoni?

 
At August 16, 2005 4:41 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

Allisoni: Have you been reading the same site I have? All I have seen from Herman, Michael and their followers is love and compassion for Christ. The only hatred I’ve seen has come from liberals who want to divide this country with a campaign of hatred towards good Christians. God hates you for what you are doing.

RSW: Thank you for pointing out that problem. I have fixed it. Also, thank you for your help in this awkward Balloni situation. I don’t know what I would do without the guidance and support I receive from every good Christian at this site.

 
At August 16, 2005 4:58 PM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

They use their so called love of Christ as an excuse to hate other human beings who disagree with them. As my favorite bumper sticker reads: "It is YOUR Hell, YOU burn in it!"

 
At August 16, 2005 5:49 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

Allisoni: Why do you insist on telling people they will burn in Hell? That is not for you to say, that is up to apostles of God – Herman and Michael. Why don’t you just agree with them and bask in their love and discipline? I know I have learned from the errors of my ways and am much happier because of it.

Herman: Have you considered contacting Senator Santorum and offering your assistance in curing his homosexual staff? I know he could use the help.

 
At August 17, 2005 1:53 AM, Anonymous Conservative Patriot said...

Given the unrelenting and insidious attempts of homosexuals to expand their ranks through recruiting, only a man of strong moral character can safely associate with them and come away untarnished by the association.

Rest assured, Rick Santorum is such a man. But I fear for any teenagers that may be working in his campaign, for a teenager often does not have the moral fortitude of a strong man like Rick Santorum.

 
At August 17, 2005 12:02 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

As far as Senator Santorum goes, he is by far the most holy man in the Senate right now. We need to keep him there, so Herman and I feel it is our duty to ease the minds of those who feel the Senator from PA might be too moderate.

We will both write about him on this blog regularly to try to show that he is in fact a true Christian. We will do this at least until the election takes place in 2006. Also, once he is elected I am certain that his "staffing problem" will be quickly rectified. I expect nothing less from this principled man.

 
At August 23, 2005 7:22 AM, Anonymous The Bastard said...

Oh you people are being to moderate on Santorum. How on Earth can he work with this faggot knowing that his "man spackle" is dripping everywhere. ::shivers::

Is it really worth sacrificing our cause knowing that this man eye-balls Mr. Santorum on a regular basis all the while thinking unpure thoughts.

I will not have my "Santi" treated like this. Plus, more than likely, this butt pirate is just another closet liberal!!!!

 
At August 25, 2005 6:55 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

the bastard: Sir, you have officially crossed the line. Implying that I am moderate in anyway on homosexuality is unacceptable.

I can only assume that you're trying to undermine my authority in a vain attempt to take my place as a moral leader. Fortunately my readers are smart enough not to fall for your nonsense.

 
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