Saturday, July 30, 2005

The Straight and Narrow

by Herman B. Hayes

Today is Straight Pride Day!

Really, though, every day is Straight Pride Day, at least for me. It should be for you, too. The homos think that the way to show pride is to dress like a whore and go parade in the street while groping each other. Now, all of you know my views on the sodomites and lesbians. I am not very fond of them, to say the least. However, I might be slightly less offended, slightly, if they could at least walk down the street with all their clothes on.

It is disgusting.

There is no reason for these children of Satan to flaunt their immorality in this way, but I am beginning to digress. We need to start celebrating Straight Pride Day. We need to celebrate it each and every day of the week. We need to put our heterosexuality at the forefront, and let everyone know how straight we are. We need to dress straight, act straight, walk straight and talk straight. Remember, there is no way for someone to tell you are straight unless you show them you are straight.

It is time for straights to get out of the closet!

Why be timid? We need to show off our pride in being attracted to members of the opposite sex. There is nothing wrong with pickup lines and catcalls, they just prove that you are a man who obeys the word of God. Sexual harassment in the workplace is nothing more than proving that you are righteous. If the object of your Godly comments does not appreciate them, well, they must be nothing more than a minion of Satan. Remember, folks:

We’re here, we’re straight, and also righteous, get used to it.

44 Comments:

At July 30, 2005 8:28 PM, Blogger M.R. said...

Hermie,

You reach newer heights of stupidity with every post. Catcalls and sexual harassment have absolutely nothing to do with righteousness, they have to do with small genitalia. You're obviously hung like a hobbit and you try to compensate for it by exhibiting the sexual maturity of a prepubescent child.

 
At July 30, 2005 11:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's about time someone led a men's suffrage movement in this country (for straight men only of course). Sexual harassment in the workplace and catcalls are just the beginning of our righteous liberation. Perhaps some day soon with Herman and Michael leading the way, men can be as liberated here as they are in our glorious, faithful, and morally upright ally in the struggle against feminist and homo extremism.

 
At July 31, 2005 12:24 AM, Blogger BushCheney08 said...

Great post herman. Might I add that homosexuality is a sin, and anyone to say that they have christ's gift of eternal life and are homosexual are damning themselves to hell. Christian Homosexuals, if there is such a thing (which there is not) This site is crawling with them.

http://isbushantichrist.blogspot.com/

I think its worthy of the Blogroll of Inquity. What do you think?

 
At July 31, 2005 2:15 AM, Blogger percys world said...

hi started a few weeks ago.
by blocking all gay blogs.
dont want to hear there silly stuff .
got a few bad mails about but dont care.
start the ball rollin for straight day.
put my name onthe list.
percy

 
At July 31, 2005 2:24 AM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

I have been brought up Catholic, I am a model student and a very moral person. The thing about America that sickens me, is that people like you feel it is appropriate to restrict the rights of those you know absolutely nothing about. We are living in a time when scientific reasoning has started to conquer religious theories, and when U.S. citizens should feel safe living as who they are. Be straight and proud of it, that's all good. But if you can be straight and proud, why can't another be gay and proud? You are not the exception. YOU ARE NOT GOD. Because of people like you, Christianity and hypocrisy now go hand in hand. Being Christian has has become synonymous with being hateful, sheltered, and close-minded. Unless you are going to be damned to hell because a man you have never met on the other side of the country is sleeping with another man, then you are no more in the right with your lifestyle than he is with his. Stop evangelizing for just two seconds and attempt to focus on Christian values that don't demean others because of their God-given qualities.

 
At July 31, 2005 2:26 AM, Blogger Kirk said...

Have you noticed that all the sexual "harassment" training is given by homos? This whole thing is just another insidious way to promote the homosexual agenda by attacking heterosexual behavior.

We didn't fight hard enough when they started peddling homosexual smut through Tinky Winky. Now the Teletubbies are promoting bestiality and drug use.

This is what happens when you fail to draw a line in the sand.

 
At July 31, 2005 3:03 AM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

Kirk, if there is a woman in your life, which I highly doubt is the case, I feel truly sorry for her. You have also just stated, thank you very much, that homosexuals have moral values and respect towards other human beings, and heterosexuals do not. It's about time you admit that. You will see the day that homosexuality is readily accepted far before the day that harrassment is, I can almost guarantee you.

 
At July 31, 2005 2:11 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

m.r., Judging from the fact that you're enquiring about the size of my genitalia, I'm going assume you didn't celebrate Straight Pride Day.

anonymous, As far as I can tell men can vote in this country, so a suffrage movement is unnecessary.

 
At July 31, 2005 2:16 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

bushcheney08, Homosexual Christians? absurd! That's like saying you're a retarded member of MENSA.

percys world, There is no actual list. But needless to say if there were a list of Straight Pride Day participants it would read like St. Peter's book.

 
At July 31, 2005 2:22 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

allisoni balloni, who's evangelizing, honestly? I am merely try to stem the tide of utter moral destruction. I don't want to see families torn asunder by the insidious threat of homosexuality.

If we don't celebrate our straightness, then before you know it the gay pride parades will happen in our suppermarkets, outside our schools, and anywhere else I might be. And as we all know, these parades always end in a giant naked pile of wriggling homosexual depravity.

 
At July 31, 2005 2:23 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

kirk, I'm glad to see someone here understands the seriousness of all of this.

 
At July 31, 2005 2:23 PM, Blogger WarpedTourMom said...

I look forward to this blog, and the comments each day, in a manner that borders on sinful.

 
At July 31, 2005 6:12 PM, Blogger M.R. said...

Hermie,

Who's enquiring? Michael Gregory Steele told me.

 
At July 31, 2005 8:54 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

warpedtourmom: I can understand this. I'm sure after having to suffer through the posionous drivel spewed from the mouths of mindless liberals, this blog would no doubt be a breath of fresh air.

speaking of drivel...

m.r.: Oh I see, the implication that Mr. Hayes and myself are homosexual lovers, how very clever.

Your mind numbingly inane comments provide quite a stark contrast to the insightful posts on this blog.

 
At July 31, 2005 9:46 PM, Blogger Redphi5h said...

Wonderful satire!

 
At August 01, 2005 12:55 AM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

Who is evangelizing? I'm pretty sure that I'm not the one preaching about how beneficial it would be to have entirely Catholic, religious cities and outlawing fellow human beings for not following the way of the "lord's word." I am also very curious as to how you think the "liberal media" is responsible for influencing homosexual behavior. If it was mentioned and therefore deemed sinful in the bible, then homosexual behavior was obviously occuring in biblical times. Were their TVs and radios and gay pride parades the reason they exhibited homosexual behavior? It's a fairly ignorant statement that because of what's on TV, homosexuality is being encouraged and therefore more readily the "chosen" lifestyle. Will it "turn" YOU gay? If you don't like what's on TV, turn it off, that's completely up to you. But it will always be there. Why? Because it's a fact of life and denying it will not make it dissapear.

 
At August 01, 2005 8:00 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

Allisoni: No, I stated that homosexuals are promoting their disgusting sinfulness by mounting an outright assault on heterosexuals.

I think your flirtation with me is wholly inappropriate. Perhaps you would have more luck attracting a man if you spent less time attacking people and more time learning to cook.

 
At August 01, 2005 9:49 PM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

Flirting with you? Are you kidding? Don't flatter yourself. You said that sexual harrassment is appropriate and acceptable behavior. Harrassment in any form is NOT acceptable heterosexual behavior, and it's sad to use the "homosexual agenda" as an excuse to make it seem natural. Also, has a gay person ever tried to "recruit" you? Because I have plenty gay friends and they are all pretty happy to live their lives, not to change anyone elses. Learn about those you criticize, and it's likely your comments will no longer be valid.

 
At August 01, 2005 10:33 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

allisoni balloni: I too would appreciate it if you would not flirt with any of my followers.

Also, kirk is a holy but simple man and introducing him to such radical ideas will only confuse him. Why don't you just agree with Herman's post and just put an end to this bickering.

 
At August 01, 2005 10:42 PM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

You should probably except the fact that most people will never agree with you. I'm not sure what your idea of flirting is, but it seems to be fairly off.

 
At August 01, 2005 11:11 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

Allisoni: I said no such thing. I merely indicated that normal heterosexual behavior in the workplace has been labeled "harassment" by homosexual liberals. It seems your group's agenda is to repress heterosexual men into homosexuality. It is truly a sad day when a man can no longer show his appreciation for a fellow coworker with an innocent rump pat, unless that coworker happens to be another man. That alone speaks volumes about the "culture" you wish to force upon us.

Michael is right. This is his and Herman's site and they have tried to make it a comfortable place to visit for all those wishing to receive guidance to the moral dilemmas that we face in this modern heathenistic age.

I certainly do not want to break the calm that reigns over this wonderful site, so I am willing to be the bigger person and offer an olive branch to you. If you will simply acknowledge the validity of Herman's post I am willing to forget this whole sordid conversation.

 
At August 01, 2005 11:14 PM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard. Thank goodness that I am one of tomorrow's leaders instead of sick men like you.

 
At August 02, 2005 12:05 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

kirk: Well, you tried to be the bigger man but there is just no reasoning with liberals like this.

I think now you see why I discourage women from reading this blog.

 
At August 02, 2005 2:36 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

allisoni balloni: This is not a forum for flirting, or for women to share their idiotic opinions. I am sure that you have some wash to do, or food to cook. You only have a few hours before your husband or father returns home from a hard day of work, so get on it.

 
At August 02, 2005 6:48 PM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

I'm extremely curious to know who ever flirts with you so that you even have my comments to compare it with. My father, I'm proud to say, is a CHRISTIAN man, living in the year 2005, who doesn't rely on a woman to do his chores for him. So yes, he will soon return fro ma hard day of work which leaves me wondering: what type of strenous, complicated profession do YOU have that allows you to post comments on your blog in the middle of the afternoon? You are a disgusting excuse for a man, because real men can take care of themselves.

 
At August 02, 2005 7:27 PM, Anonymous barryg said...

In my 64 years of life I have never been bothered by an openly homesexual man. The only ones to refuse to take no for an answer were so called christian closet Queens that hid their sexuality behind a book written 400 years after the fact. The pediophalic priests are a very good example as are the womanizing mponeygrubbing tv evangalist that sell the " blessed holy water" to people subsisting on dog food so they can pay for a hipocrit to live in a million dollar mansion and being cheaufered around in a mercedes ala Benny Hinn.
Jesus was not a politian nor a hater of ANYONE. You need to spend more time leading a christian life and less time spewing hate in this world. There is a special place in hell for those that use the scriptures for personal gain as well as those that preach hate to further a political agenda. Bet this post is deleted real quick because you can't stand for the truth to be told.

 
At August 02, 2005 7:29 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

Allisoni: Yes, real men can take care of themselves, but real men prefer that women perform their God given tasks on earth such as washing, cooking and birthing. Real men do not go against God’s will.

 
At August 02, 2005 7:44 PM, Anonymous JohnnyVee said...

Allisoni, you seem to be quick to judge others. This is not necessarily a bad thing, yet in your case it is, because your views are so wrong. You seem to think you will be a leader of tomorrow, but that seems unlikely. Tomorrow will be led by conservative Christian men who have the spiritual guidance to keep this country great. You, of course, will benefit from their leadership as you turn tricks behind the Dairy Queen.

 
At August 02, 2005 11:42 PM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

johnnyvee- Not quick to judge others, but very much full of common sense and respect for diversity and equal rights. You also seem to be missing the fact that organized religion is decreasing due to new technology and modern principles. So-called "Christian men," much like the authors of this blog, are spreading the hate and prejudice that tear countries apart. I am well very well-respected, considering my age, and it seems as though you will be very surprised when women start taking your jobs and being the ones to give you orders.

 
At August 03, 2005 1:09 AM, Blogger Kirk said...

Allisoni: Do you even read your own nonsense?

Not quick to judge others, but very much full of common sense and respect for diversity and equal rights.

You have clearly demonstrated at this site that your version of "equal rights" only extends to people who are not good Christian heterosexuals. This is not equality at all and certainly does not represent diversity.

It's time for all Americans to become good Christians by following God's will. This must be mandated by law, because until this happens liberals will continue to attack and discriminate against Christians everywhere and equality and diversity will never be achieved.

You have come to this site which is a good start. Put away your liberal propaganda and start listing to those who know what they are talking about: Herman and Michael.

 
At August 03, 2005 1:27 AM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

Do you not understand that in this country we have freedom of religion? That means ANY religion, or even none at all. We cannot govern our contry or run our schools as though everyone believes in YOUR God, because the fact of the matter is that not everyone does and they are no better or worse than you. You are certainly free to believe what you please, but by telling others that they will burn in hell for decisions and lifestyles that have no effect on you is a sin in itself.

 
At August 03, 2005 2:23 AM, Blogger Kirk said...

Allisoni: You clearly do not understand the word freedom. Michael has already done a post about the freedom we enjoy in this country: Independence Day

And isn't it past your bedtime? When I was your age I was asleep at 7PM sharp or I'd face the sting of my dad's cowhide belt.

It is clear that you are sleep deprived and this may explain your susceptibility to liberal indoctrination.

I will pray for you and it is my responsibility to warn you that you are on the path to eternal damnation.

 
At August 03, 2005 1:53 PM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

A dictatorship seems right up your alley. The political definition of freedom, as defined by Wikipedia, is "the right, or the capacity, of self-determination, a the expression of the individual will." You cannot change what is written in the constitution. Wasn't it written by Christian men...? Don't go against your own kind, now...

 
At August 03, 2005 2:04 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

Allisoni: I’m confused. You seem to agree with us that freedom is about allowing people to follow the one true God, yet you then tell me not to go against my own “kind.”

I can see another part of your problem is reading a communist publication like Wikipedia.

Read this blog and only this blog and you will find the path to eternal salvation.

 
At August 03, 2005 2:58 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

kirk and allisoni: The sexual tension between the two of you is polluting this blog and distracting from the messages I am trying to impart. This needs to end.

Allisoni, just apologize to kirk for being wrong and all will be forgiven.

 
At August 03, 2005 3:35 PM, Anonymous WichitaJack said...

kirk, i really admire the your hard work trying to show ms. balloni the truth. But I fear that your efforts are wasted. I fear that the liberal taint infected her at too young an age and the damage is irreversible.

By her own admission she is "sickened by America".

She hates heterosexuals:
"homosexuals have moral values and respect towards other human beings, and heterosexuals do not."

You try to guide her to the path of righteousness and she starts coming on to you. This girl is sick! And yet she calls you sick.

She is lazy and disrespectful. By her own admission her father works hard all day and when he comes home, she does nothing to help out around the house.

She is a hypocrite. She says that when you point out sins in others that you are sinning. But isn't she sinning then when she points it out? Am I sinning by mentioning her sin right now? Don't answer. Instead let's break the Allisoni Balloni Sin Spiral.

She doesn't care about this country enough to know it's history: "Wasn't the constitution written by Christian men?" It's sad that you have to ask, Ms. Balloni.

Kirk, being the charitable Christian that you are, you will probably continue to try to convert this wayward trollop, but I fear you will be disappointed.

 
At August 03, 2005 3:41 PM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

It's very fascinating, yet not at all surprising, that grown men such as yourselves sit at your computers all day, making fun of someone more respected than yourselves and yet a great deal younger. You evade questions that would show your weaknesses and twist comments made by sane people much like you claim liberals do. If it was so easy to preach the truth you wouldn't have to do any of those things, and the world would be a much better place.

 
At August 03, 2005 8:32 PM, Blogger Kirk said...

Allisoni: I’m not sure what more I can say in order to save you from the fiery and poking pits of Hell. Perhaps you do not mean what you say, but feel you must spew your vile filth in order to keep contact.

Your infatuation with me, while cute at first, is becoming disturbing. I’m a married man and more than twice your age! You must allow a nice Christian boy your own age to find you. Perhaps if you start hanging around with the right people you may have some luck. These people hold events that might help you.

God bless you if he chooses not to smite you instead.

 
At August 03, 2005 10:37 PM, Blogger Allisoni Balloni said...

You must stop hiding your already obvious envy of my intelligence and world knowledge. How much of the world have you seen? How much education have you recieved? I pity the fools who feel they can judge others after living only in their sheltered and biased environment, without knowing the facts about other lifestyles. As you pray for something as serious as the saving of my already-damned soul (which you aren't doing, as you clearly care only about yourself), I am praying that people such as yourself will soon realize that those with the answers are those with the hearts to let others in. You should find THOSE people, and while keeping your own beliefs, learn about theirs. As I end my comments on this post, I already know that you will not do that, but thank you, because that CONTINUES to make ME the bigger and wiser person.

 
At August 04, 2005 12:04 AM, Blogger Kirk said...

Herman and Michael: Whew, doing God's work is sometimes difficult, but ultimately rewarding.

I admit that I had my doubts – God forgive me – but, it is nice that Allisoni finally admits that she grows wiser with our words. I was also touched that she wants us to go out and save more people, but really, if God wants them saved he'll send them here.

I think maybe this blog needs a counter of souls saved versus souls that will burn in the lake of fire for all eternity.

I'm so happy that I'm going to burn a copy of Bill Clinton's "My Life" at the book burning tonight. I've been saving it for a special occasion. How exactly does one fill so many pages with such graphic descriptions of unnatural sex acts? I'll never know, because I am a Christian that will never read his filth.

 
At August 04, 2005 2:52 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

Allisoni, in regards to your comment that real men take care of themselves, I am prone to disagree. Real men compel women like you to take care of them. I realize that I am a bit late in returning the comment, but I was having a bit of difficulty explaining to my wife what she needed to tell the maid.

 
At October 08, 2007 9:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You burned my kind for being pagan, you burned my kind for being gay, you burned my kind for being different, yet you are all so clueless. If you're "God" is as he is said to be, then he created everyone, meaning that he created homosexuals. In HIS image, no one chooses who they love, and if you actually took the time to get to know atleast 1 gay person in your life then maybe you could see how hard life actually is for them. 1 in 5 british homosexuals will attempt suicide before the age of 25. Does that make you proud of yourselves?

The problem with "God's" earth isnt homosexuals, people of another religion or anyone different.

The problem is YOU

You're so closed minded and you cant even see it. Love towards your fellow man? Doubtful.

If I was anything like any of you, I would be so ashamed of myself. You sicken me with your prosecutions. I was bought up in a christian household, I work, I go to college, I help people I dont even know, but that doesnt mean I'm anything like you. My parents are proud of what I am. I pity any of your children if they are born to be any other than mindless drones like their parents.

But guess what? No matter WHAT you say your "God" thinks, we're not going away. We will be gay, we will follow other religions, we will live whatever life we choose and we will laugh at you while we do it.

 
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At April 23, 2009 2:47 AM, Blogger cvxv said...

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