Friday, June 24, 2005

Savagery!

by Herman B. Hayes

Conservative Christian Moral Emergency

There are days that I wish I was illiterate.

These days are few and far between, mind you. Sometimes, though, I find myself reading things that disgust and anger me. Let me fill you in. I take it upon myself to do something that I would never ask of you; I read liberal publications. It is important to know what our enemy thinks, as I have told you before. I read publications of all types, just to know what the tree-hugging welfare-fairies are thinking. Yesterday, though, I read something that I had never read before, and I hope I never have to read again.

I read a column entitled “Savage Love(for God's sake don't click that link).

For starters, the title of this column is disturbing. Why in the world would you ever have savage love? Love is supposed to be the kind that is ordained by the Lord our God. This is the gentle and tender kind of love, nothing savage about it. Reading on, I noticed that the author was someone by the name of Dan Savage, hence the moronic play on words. I was not off to a great start with this column. Slightly unnerved, but aware of my duty, I read on. The entire column was written about one topic:

Sexual advice for 15 year old homosexuals.

First off, there is no need for a column of this nature. God has already provided 15 year old sinners with an advice column. It is called the Bible, and it tells you not to be gay. Do you really need more advice? Continuing on, I discovered that this article was actually a compilation of small pieces of advice on how to be a more experienced sinner. It would seem that this Dan Savage character propositioned homosexuals of a more advanced age to write in with tidbits of evil. I am not certain, but someone who believes in savage love may also be gay, but I cannot prove this. This is a horrifying thing!

Youths should get their sexual advice from the same sources that they have always employed, Mom, Dad, and Reverend Brown.

Mom would tell you to be straight. Dad would tell you to be straight. Reverend Brown would look down his nose at you, and tell you that Jesus loves all the little children, except the gay ones. Besides, anyone who writes articles for pubic consumption that advocate pre-marital sex should be guilty of a crime. If you have trouble understanding how you should handle the advent of sexual thoughts in your child, please refer to the article by my colleague on that matter: Talking to Your Kids About Sex.

There is no excuse for letting this filth into the hands of your children. You must search their rooms, their belongings, and even between their mattresses. If you want to keep your children safe from the dangers of virulent homosexuality, you must administer the Antibiotic Of God. This powerful medicine is contained in the Pill Bottle of the Lord, the Holy Bible. Only the word of God can keep your children from catching homosexuality, especially after they have been infected by the words of someone like Dan Savage. I decided to learn more about this scribe of Satan’s poisonous writings. As it turns out, he is responsible for another horrible affront:

He does not like Santorum.

It is true. This man has launched a written offensive against on of my favorite people, Rick Santorum. How dare he! Dan Savage has orchestrated a campaign to besmirch the beloved Senator from Pennsylvania. In the column, “Savage Love”, he appealed to his depraved readers to spread a new and horrible meaning for the surname of the Senator. I will not elaborate in this forum, but the new reference is to a sickening supposed byproduct of homosexual fornication. This is not right. No man has the wherewithal to attempt to ruin the good name of such an upright and morally amazing human being. Do not delve further into this matter, good readers, I will update you if the situation warrants.

I will be your filter.


Let me keep you abreast of new developments from the camp of our liberal enemies. There is no need for you to expose yourself and your families to the filth that they produce. Trust in myself and Mr. Steele to tell you what you need to know. This blog should be your primary source of up-to-date and topical information.

15 Comments:

At June 24, 2005 4:07 PM, Blogger toejamjones said...

Thanks for links..I'll bookmark them!

 
At June 24, 2005 4:19 PM, Blogger CP said...

me 2

 
At June 24, 2005 4:34 PM, Blogger mm said...

Mr. Hayes,
I ignored your advice and accessed the links about both savage love and santorum. As to the former, I found some of the advice given to be most inappropriate. Some, however, seemed to be given in a genuinely caring manner with concern for the well-being of young gays or lesbians. While I believe that homosexuality is sinful, I do continue to harbor love (agape) and compassion for gays and lesbians in my heart. As a disciple of Jesus I can do no other.
The latter was totally objecionable in content. But this "Christian nation" we live in was founded on the principle that we could each freely express our opinion. You do so on your blog. Because the content is offensive to you doesn't make it illegal, even though it is immoral.
As for your warnings to readers, please consider trusting them enough to allow them to form their own opinions rather than blindly trusting you to do so for them. I'm quite sure most of them are spiritually mature enough for the task. If you'd like to read my brief effort at blogging, please go to http://themoderatemethodist.blogger.com.

 
At June 24, 2005 4:57 PM, Blogger Uriah said...

Typical right winger! The general population is not smart enough to formulate its own thoughts or make decisions for themselves! Self- appointed guidance filters such as yourself are willing to protect us from ourselves!

Go read my blog:Mindless Brain Dump. Pay special attention to the items I have written about the Constitution being for all Americans, not just a select few!

The United States' Founders were smart enough to disallow any religion from reigning supreme in their new country! They knew extremists could be found in any religion & they knew extremes of any sort are unhealthy. I use your blog as a worthy expample of unhealthiness!

 
At June 24, 2005 5:06 PM, Blogger Chesty said...

More Americans need to be in touch with their elected official to be able to take back our moral way of life.

Write your congressman


I was going to
Learn Spanish in Costa Rica
but ended up in Myrtle Beach

 
At June 24, 2005 5:21 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

toejamjones and cp: You fools! Herman told you not to go to those sites. You are like children who continually touch a hot stove and never learn.

 
At June 24, 2005 5:23 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

uriah: Our readers understand that they need moral guides to navigate through this jungle of liberal wickedness.

 
At June 24, 2005 5:24 PM, Blogger Michael Gregory Steele said...

chesty: you have perfectly summed up the liberal side of the argument. We appreciate your feedback. Please don't eat us.

 
At June 25, 2005 12:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

These "savage" lovers are everywhere, from the Teletubbies to the theme parks. Thank the Lord Herman B. Hayes has the courage to research these things, so that we can continue to live our lives unsavaged!

 
At June 25, 2005 1:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Jesus loves all the little children, except the gay ones."

I think Jesus would be offended by that remark.

 
At June 25, 2005 10:34 PM, Blogger Herman B. Hayes said...

anonymous #1: I appreciate your kind words. Continue reading and praising this blog and you shall be saved.

anonymous #2: I consult Jesus before every post. He had no problem with that line.

 
At June 11, 2007 12:22 PM, Blogger Patty said...

Oh, thank the lord, thank the lord, thank the LORD!!

You must be two little children, verily, in your souls. From such children come the TRUTH!!

*I* did NOT peek at those nasty links. (Well... I'd already seen them. But I LEARNED from them.)

Jesus probably DOES love the little faggots and bush munchers. Maybe some of the good men of God just can't. But I'm sure you good men can!!

Do you know each other VERY well, by the way??

Save the World! Spread the Word!

 
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